STALLING FOR TIME

I Can’t say as I was enthused with this morning’s study group, not because of anyone, but me.  Pastor Eric and his sons were out of town, and I didn’t want to go very far without them there.  It was good to have Bro. Landen Crouch with us.  I always enjoy it when he is able to make it to men’s. 

            We’re in a wonderful place in our study, and I want to make sure we do it right.  Chapters eight and nine are interwoven in a way that I feel it is better to treat them as one chapter.   Needless to say, I was stalling for time today and didn’t do a very good job of it.  I’m never happy when I sense that we only went through the motions.  This entire week was an exercise in frustration as I was tested on many of the things I’d said last week and in the mid-week tune-up. 

            The problem for many of us, including myself, is our reluctance to be transparent and vulnerable.  American culture worships ingenuity, self-reliance, and  independence.  We as a culture tend to demean those who appear weak or insufficient.  Therefore, I believe we have a hard time revealing our real selves.  Even as forthright and real as our men are with one another, we still have our moments when frankness is avoided at all costs. 

            My first priority was to try and explain the Mid-week Tune up.  I hoped to remove some of the guilt and condemnation that arises whenever you are doing this kind of study.  No matter how hard you try, someone will take an exhortation or call to growth as a critique of their character.  I never want that to happen.  I’m not sure if I did a good job of explaining this.  I’ll tackle it next week when Pastor is back. 

            One of the issues that arose out of our discussion was the issue of whether we ‘own’ our wives.  I wasn’t prepared for the reaction of the men.  I was also surprised at how much of the modern feminist movement has made its way into our thinking.  As the topic grew in intensity, I sensed that everyone was holding back on their opinions.  None of us want to appear to be sexist or Victorian in our thinking, but there are biblical truths that challenge the modern way of thinking.  These biblical truths have nothing to do with women receiving equal pay, the right to vote, or any number of a host of other societal issues of the modern day. We spent nearly fifteen minutes discussing what we mean when we say; “my wife.”   We discussed whether it literally means she is  our property, or whether it means she is our responsibility. Does it mean the same thing when she says; “my husband?” 

            I was trying to make the point that as slaves of Jesus Christ, we don’t have any rights of our own.  We belong to him, he gave us our wives, and as such, we must take care of them with the same due diligence we would of any other kind of property.   OOOOOOPS!  I kicked a hornet’s nest!  It amazes me how things that I accept and believe are elemental, can be such an issue to someone else.  AS CHRISTIANS, (that’s the only people I can address) we have to understand this basic concept of whose we are.  I think the problem with this is because we’re still trying to determine ‘who’ we are.  We confuse our position in Christ Jesus, with what we do for Christ Jesus.  What I mean by all of this, is that God doesn’t just give you a wife, He gives you to one another, with the man being the one who is accountable for the oneness that is uniquely “YOU.”  By YOU, I mean the unique ‘man+woman’ creation he formed by bringing you together with your spouse.  Any other view violates the sanctity of marriage and makes a mockery of the vows.  My wife belongs to me, just as I belong to her.  I have no rights independent of her and she has no rights independent of me, UNLESS we’re willing to simply cohabitate.  Marriage is more than a piece of paper or contract made before men. 

            Bro. Dale brought up the word ‘assigned’ as a description of his responsibility to his wife.  God assigned her to him.  She is fully qualified in and of herself, but he has assigned her to him.  Her health, welfare, safety, and person are his responsibility.  Dale didn’t like the idea of his wife being his property.  One hundred years ago, this wouldn’t have been an issue.  She would be considered his property. 

            Why is this an issue?  Because, we as men often do things based upon the idea that it is our ‘right’ to do so.  Our concept of marriage is formed within the context of our modern American culture.  Most modern marriages are reflections of a flawed spiritual view of what oneness is.  Pre-nuptial agreements prove that there is the knowledge going in, that there is always the possibility of a way out.  It assumes failure before failure is realized.  To me, this is worse than considering someone to be your property.  When I own something, it is mine.  The only way that status changes is if someone steals it from me, or I lose it.  Either way, I’m responsible for it.  If my wife is given to me by the Lord, she is my responsibility.  She belongs to the Lord, but I am her custodian.  He gave her to me, and no one else. NOW, whether you want to believe God gave me to my wife or not, the truth is, she is my responsibility within the eyes of the law.  If you don’t believe that, let her get a credit card, and then see who has to pay it off. If she writes a hot check on my bank account, I will have to pay for it.  If she has a wreck in the car, I will be responsible for the damages.  These are all legal proof that she is my responsibility and I am accountable for her legal and financial actions.  While our society may be changing, the law still reflects the Judaeo-Christian view of ‘oneness.’ 

            The scriptural answer to whether or not we are a possession, is given a definitive answer in Exodus 21.  (I’m paraphrasing starting at verse 2, you can follow along in any translation)  When you buy a slave, he only has to serve six years.  You have to release him in the seventh year for nothing.  (3.) If he was single when he came in, he leaves single. (He leaves with nothing of his Master’s.)  If he came in married, he leaves with his wife. (The master takes nothing of his.)  (4.) If the master gives him a wife and she gave him sons and daughters, the wife and children stay with the master.  (TIME OUT!  They are the possession of the master.  Just the same as if the master had a cow and a bull, which produced offspring.)   

            You may not like it.  It may chafe you the wrong way, but this is God’s way of looking at things.  We have to know whose we are before we can address who we are. If you hold this view, it becomes easy to understand that you have no rights.  You are not your own.     

HOMEWORK

I gave all of you a hard one to work on this week.  I want you to list 10 things you give your time to over a typical day.  In other words, what do you view as things that you must give your time to.  You can list anything that requires time.  For those of us with dynamic work schedules, this can be a tough homework assignment.  I know at least three of you, whose lives are at the mercy of who needs you at the moment. 

I also asked you to ask your wives to give you five ways in which you can give them more of your time. 

Don’t let this homework assignment get you down.  I know I gulped when I first thought about it.  There is a part of me that dreads giving my wife the power to dictate my time.  You see, it is all about time. 

I want to remind all of you about the movie “Courageous” which will be coming out on Sept. 30^th.   I intend to see it, and I hope you do too.