As part of the expansion on the traits of a king, let's look at a quality I called 'being hopeful.' I wish I had a better term for it. In the Air Force leadership course I took, the instructor called it 'optimism.' I remember when I took my notes, optimism seemed to be too...I don't know...dark. Don't get me wrong, I tend to be a pragmatist/realist, with a strong optimistic nature. OR, at least that was the way I tested out on one of the half dozen character/ leadership surveys we did. They gave us hypothetical questions about 'what we would do' if confronted with common everyday leadership challenges, and to me they were like 'no-brainers', but then again I didn't tend to think very deep then. Leading a shop full of YOUNG men seemed no different than raising a couple of teenage girls. Once you get past the daily drama, it all boils down to doing what's right. BUT>>>>>>>> It isn't always that simple, and then you find yourself confronted with disasters of your own making. Optimism is only one part of the leadership toolbox.
Let me see if I can make sense of my confusing start. Optimism is not based on anything but your outlook. Hopefulness by it's very nature implies trusting something outside of yourself for the better outcome. If circumstances are against you, if you have reached the level of your incompetence, then the only thing left is 'something' or 'someone' else outside of you. Hope demands belief in something more powerful than yourself, and that is why I had a hard time with optimism being a leadership trait. YES, I believe in having a positive outlook on life. Yes, I prefer to believe in the goodness of individuals, and yes, weirdly enough, like Captain Kirk of Star Trek fame, I don't believe in a 'No-Win' scenario. I believe in my heavenly Father, and the eternal life He's made available to me through His Son, Jesus. I was given my school of hard knocks from the time I was in the first grade, and eventually, I had to come to a place where I believed God had me in the palm of His hand.
As a Christian father, we have to be more than optimistic!! We have to be the calm in the eye of the storm, and the foundation of our children's faith in Him who rules over the storms.
It is important for a child to know that they are safe. Safety might be more than you just saying something positive as the pressures of life fall all around you. Optimism can wear very thin when every day is a repeat of the terrors of the day before.
For those of us who've been to Nicaragua over the last few years can attest to, the hopefulness of our brothers and sisters in Christ even though they live in conditions that would crush many here in the states, is a testament to their faith in Christ.
Yes, I believe in being optimistic...well...because I am, but I believe in being hopeful even more. If we know that God is for us, then who can be against us. That doesn't mean things won't come against us, it means what, or who are they in terms of eternity? WE come back again to the statement of Jeremiah 29:11 I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU.....
When things come crushing in on you or your family, the one thing you want them to know is "God has this." The weather service tells us that there are places in our house that are the safest in a Tornado, in earthquake prone places of our country they tell us the safest places to hid during an earthquake. In the storms of life, you should be the safest place in the house.
You might ask; what if it's death, severe injury, poverty, ridicule, persecution, or even isolation from all those you love? God has a plan for you. Try that on your little ones in their trying situations. Make it more personal by telling them you have a plan for them. What was God's plan for Israel?
Simple; To prosper them, and to restore them. That should be your plan! Easy Peezy! No problems, no sweat, I got this, and because I got this, you've got this.
As a side note, you might look up Stephen Curtis Chapman and the things he went through.
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Sunday, December 22, 2019
WHAT WE ARE---WHAT WE CAN BE
The Tree
A few years ago my wife brought home a tree from the nursery and asked me to plant it. "It's a weeping cherry tree" she declared proudly. Will it have cherries I asked her. She informed me that it wouldn't, which in my opinion made it a waste, BUT, she's my wife, and I planted it anyway. As I dug a hole for it and set it in the ground, I noticed it had a decided bow in it. It had obviously been rooted from a branch, and to say the least, it wasn't a very straight branch. In my infinite horticultural wisdom, (read ignorance) I took a 1" diameter piece of PVC pipe and taped the tree to it in order to make it straight. It wasn't pretty, and I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do, but the tree began to grow. Who'd have thunk it??? Me, growing something? For about three years the tree stood there looking ugly with this big white PVC pipe strapped to it's ever growing trunk. Funny thing though, sometime around the fourth year it began to produce these long curved branches that draped clear to the ground. As the summer progressed they thickened and formed this almost impenetrable umbrella of leaves and branches. Mowing under it became an exercise in sado-masochism. It's branches were as stiff as iron and it looked like a mop left upside down in the weather. Glenda loved it, I hated it, and it continued to grow despite me.
Every winter when the leaves were gone I would say to myself that I would pull the piece of PVC from the trunk. Believe me, it was no longer needed. I did this for about nine years until I finally cut away the branches during the winter and pulled with all my strength at the weathered PVC pipe. Like the tree itself, it refused to budge. The base of the tree had grown around it making it a permanent fixture of the tree. About three years ago we moved to another house and the tree didn't last much longer. The new owner cut it down (didn't want to fight the branches.) One day they asked me why I'd put the PVC in there in the first place and I told them about it's bent nature. They remarked how solid the tree was, and how I thought that silly piece of PVC pipe could change anything. I explained to them that it wasn't always that way, There were a few years when it was pliable and swayed in the breeze.
Being self-aware is like that old tree. I believe a man can change. If you catch yourself now, do a real self evaluation, you can discover your 'bend'. The word of God is the rod we need to help us evaluate our nature. I know from first hand experience. Like that weeping cherry tree, I've seen what the straight rod of God's word has done to straighten my bend. My nature hasn't changed, but my bend has. Each year my life follows more closely the path laid before me by God's word. What binds me to that word is the loving ties of my wife, my children, and the numerous people of my faith fellowship. My bent was long ago straightened, but my roots have grown around the Word of God. I'm not much to look at, and I'm a little difficult to mow around, but I no longer bend or sway with the storms of life. What we are when we are saplings, or cuttings can be molded, and even trained into a tree of life. Being self aware means knowing what your nature is, and having the wisdom from the word of God to modify your nature so that your family can grow. As a leadership quality, self-awareness makes it easier for you to know how your nature affects those around you. Your decisions, your actions, your ticks, and your responses to those around you are governed by your nature. While you are and will be you, God can change your bend. God knows what you are, and He knows what you can be. He knows how to make you the best father for your kids.
Our children will love our stability, but they will need us to be aware of how we affect them. I can see a little of myself in each of my adult children. My likes and dislikes have been transmitted, but some have been rejected. Thankfully my children have discarded the worse traits, and embraced the sweeter nature of their mother. Not one of them is a duplicate of me. Oh, they may have some of my features, or they may like some of the stuff I like, but they are truly their own self. I hope they are aware of who and what they are so that their children can be their own selves.
As a little side note, DON'T PLANT A WEEPING CHERRY TREE!!!
A few years ago my wife brought home a tree from the nursery and asked me to plant it. "It's a weeping cherry tree" she declared proudly. Will it have cherries I asked her. She informed me that it wouldn't, which in my opinion made it a waste, BUT, she's my wife, and I planted it anyway. As I dug a hole for it and set it in the ground, I noticed it had a decided bow in it. It had obviously been rooted from a branch, and to say the least, it wasn't a very straight branch. In my infinite horticultural wisdom, (read ignorance) I took a 1" diameter piece of PVC pipe and taped the tree to it in order to make it straight. It wasn't pretty, and I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do, but the tree began to grow. Who'd have thunk it??? Me, growing something? For about three years the tree stood there looking ugly with this big white PVC pipe strapped to it's ever growing trunk. Funny thing though, sometime around the fourth year it began to produce these long curved branches that draped clear to the ground. As the summer progressed they thickened and formed this almost impenetrable umbrella of leaves and branches. Mowing under it became an exercise in sado-masochism. It's branches were as stiff as iron and it looked like a mop left upside down in the weather. Glenda loved it, I hated it, and it continued to grow despite me.
Every winter when the leaves were gone I would say to myself that I would pull the piece of PVC from the trunk. Believe me, it was no longer needed. I did this for about nine years until I finally cut away the branches during the winter and pulled with all my strength at the weathered PVC pipe. Like the tree itself, it refused to budge. The base of the tree had grown around it making it a permanent fixture of the tree. About three years ago we moved to another house and the tree didn't last much longer. The new owner cut it down (didn't want to fight the branches.) One day they asked me why I'd put the PVC in there in the first place and I told them about it's bent nature. They remarked how solid the tree was, and how I thought that silly piece of PVC pipe could change anything. I explained to them that it wasn't always that way, There were a few years when it was pliable and swayed in the breeze.
Being self-aware is like that old tree. I believe a man can change. If you catch yourself now, do a real self evaluation, you can discover your 'bend'. The word of God is the rod we need to help us evaluate our nature. I know from first hand experience. Like that weeping cherry tree, I've seen what the straight rod of God's word has done to straighten my bend. My nature hasn't changed, but my bend has. Each year my life follows more closely the path laid before me by God's word. What binds me to that word is the loving ties of my wife, my children, and the numerous people of my faith fellowship. My bent was long ago straightened, but my roots have grown around the Word of God. I'm not much to look at, and I'm a little difficult to mow around, but I no longer bend or sway with the storms of life. What we are when we are saplings, or cuttings can be molded, and even trained into a tree of life. Being self aware means knowing what your nature is, and having the wisdom from the word of God to modify your nature so that your family can grow. As a leadership quality, self-awareness makes it easier for you to know how your nature affects those around you. Your decisions, your actions, your ticks, and your responses to those around you are governed by your nature. While you are and will be you, God can change your bend. God knows what you are, and He knows what you can be. He knows how to make you the best father for your kids.
Our children will love our stability, but they will need us to be aware of how we affect them. I can see a little of myself in each of my adult children. My likes and dislikes have been transmitted, but some have been rejected. Thankfully my children have discarded the worse traits, and embraced the sweeter nature of their mother. Not one of them is a duplicate of me. Oh, they may have some of my features, or they may like some of the stuff I like, but they are truly their own self. I hope they are aware of who and what they are so that their children can be their own selves.
As a little side note, DON'T PLANT A WEEPING CHERRY TREE!!!
Sunday, December 15, 2019
SANTA CLAUS AND HONESTY
As a father who perpetuated and encouraged my children to believe in Santa Claus, I've often had to do some serious soul searching about how it affected my children, and how my views have moderated over the years.
I'm not going to decry or bemoan the secular take over of Christmas because it is Christians who appropriated the holiday from the pagan worship of the winter solstice. In temperate climes such as Northern and Central Europe, what were people supposed to do when they couldn't sow or harvest? I'm also sure that people don't really change much from generation to generation, so it isn't difficult for me to believe that those who had homes with warm fires, and plenty, would be inclined to invite their neighbors, and family in for a story around the fire. We haven't changed much as social creatures despite what doomsday prophets say. The circle is bigger, the fire less conspicuous, and the means of getting to one another's abodes less fretful. The gift of giving to one another during this time of year wasn't Christ centric, but it has helped the gospel go forth.
So, I'm not here to tell you if it is right or wrong to tell your children about Santa. I am here to tell you to check your own heart and see if it is alright with the Spirit of God within you.
You have to ask yourself why the story of a jolly old man in a red suit, flying around in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer continues on year after year, especially when all of us eventually grow up and learn the truth. One of the reasons I think it continues is because of the look of wonder in our children's eyes when they see that one special gift brought to them by someone they don't ever see. That light usually goes out by the time a child reaches seven or eight years of age, and the truth is told to them. Sometimes a parent will explain the truth, but usually a child finds out from an older friend at school or in the neighborhood.
The myth of Santa is an easy way for parents to buy gifts for their children without being inundated with constant requests for toys all year long. If you've done the myth right, your little child knows that Santa knows what they want without them even asking or writing to them. Hmmmmm, does that sound familiar? At the same time, it takes you out of the equation for making value decisions about how they've behaved all year.
Let's admit it, we all like to give our children gifts, because we are like our heavenly Father. Jesus made this connection years before there was ever a Saint Nicolas from Norway. He said; "If you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children..." (Matthew 7:11) It is in us to bless our children and bring them joy. The bible is replete with story after story of fathers giving their children gifts. I guess my question is; do we need Santa to make it fun?
The older I've become, the more I step back from the craziness of it all. I love the season, I love to see children's eyes filled with wonder, but I hate to see the Courthouse square empty of the nativity scene. I think that if I were to do it again, I would tell my children that there once was a real Saint Nicolas who came into a large sum of money and decided to give it out to those in need. I would then use that as a sedge-way into the true story of Christ's birth, and the greatest gift of all. I would explain how people have used the story of Saint Nicolas to carry on the joy of giving year after year, helping to keep the spirit of Christ alive from generation to generation. I would tell them not to destroy the joy of another child who might believe, and to be kind to others during this time of giving.
Honesty and transparency are leadership traits that every father needs to learn early in order to raise children who value both. Does it make a difference that we carry on a lie every year till they are old enough to be told the truth? Is it one of the little lies we tell, even though we know it isn't real? Is there a 'tooth fairy' in your home? What about the monster under the bed that will get you if you get up in the middle of the night?
Even worse yet, are you one of those people who smile and shake the Pastor's hand at the end of the service, and then proceed to gripe and complain about him or her on the way home from church? Do you brazenly talk about cheating on your taxes, the condition of an object you are selling, or even telling someone a falsehood concerning their looks or behavior? Telling your children there is a Santa kind of pales in light of these falsehoods.
Santa is a personal decision, and I won't give anyone a hard answer on it, because it is a personal decision. Besides, I wouldn't want to give you a reason to be duplicitous.
I'm not going to decry or bemoan the secular take over of Christmas because it is Christians who appropriated the holiday from the pagan worship of the winter solstice. In temperate climes such as Northern and Central Europe, what were people supposed to do when they couldn't sow or harvest? I'm also sure that people don't really change much from generation to generation, so it isn't difficult for me to believe that those who had homes with warm fires, and plenty, would be inclined to invite their neighbors, and family in for a story around the fire. We haven't changed much as social creatures despite what doomsday prophets say. The circle is bigger, the fire less conspicuous, and the means of getting to one another's abodes less fretful. The gift of giving to one another during this time of year wasn't Christ centric, but it has helped the gospel go forth.
So, I'm not here to tell you if it is right or wrong to tell your children about Santa. I am here to tell you to check your own heart and see if it is alright with the Spirit of God within you.
You have to ask yourself why the story of a jolly old man in a red suit, flying around in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer continues on year after year, especially when all of us eventually grow up and learn the truth. One of the reasons I think it continues is because of the look of wonder in our children's eyes when they see that one special gift brought to them by someone they don't ever see. That light usually goes out by the time a child reaches seven or eight years of age, and the truth is told to them. Sometimes a parent will explain the truth, but usually a child finds out from an older friend at school or in the neighborhood.
The myth of Santa is an easy way for parents to buy gifts for their children without being inundated with constant requests for toys all year long. If you've done the myth right, your little child knows that Santa knows what they want without them even asking or writing to them. Hmmmmm, does that sound familiar? At the same time, it takes you out of the equation for making value decisions about how they've behaved all year.
Let's admit it, we all like to give our children gifts, because we are like our heavenly Father. Jesus made this connection years before there was ever a Saint Nicolas from Norway. He said; "If you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children..." (Matthew 7:11) It is in us to bless our children and bring them joy. The bible is replete with story after story of fathers giving their children gifts. I guess my question is; do we need Santa to make it fun?
The older I've become, the more I step back from the craziness of it all. I love the season, I love to see children's eyes filled with wonder, but I hate to see the Courthouse square empty of the nativity scene. I think that if I were to do it again, I would tell my children that there once was a real Saint Nicolas who came into a large sum of money and decided to give it out to those in need. I would then use that as a sedge-way into the true story of Christ's birth, and the greatest gift of all. I would explain how people have used the story of Saint Nicolas to carry on the joy of giving year after year, helping to keep the spirit of Christ alive from generation to generation. I would tell them not to destroy the joy of another child who might believe, and to be kind to others during this time of giving.
Honesty and transparency are leadership traits that every father needs to learn early in order to raise children who value both. Does it make a difference that we carry on a lie every year till they are old enough to be told the truth? Is it one of the little lies we tell, even though we know it isn't real? Is there a 'tooth fairy' in your home? What about the monster under the bed that will get you if you get up in the middle of the night?
Even worse yet, are you one of those people who smile and shake the Pastor's hand at the end of the service, and then proceed to gripe and complain about him or her on the way home from church? Do you brazenly talk about cheating on your taxes, the condition of an object you are selling, or even telling someone a falsehood concerning their looks or behavior? Telling your children there is a Santa kind of pales in light of these falsehoods.
Santa is a personal decision, and I won't give anyone a hard answer on it, because it is a personal decision. Besides, I wouldn't want to give you a reason to be duplicitous.
Thursday, December 5, 2019
UNDERSTANDING
As usual, our discussion didn't move as quickly as I'd hoped it would. That isn't bad, especially considering that the topic for our study was built upon five leadership traits that are weighty subjects by themselves. After reading the study sheet over again, I realized that I'd forgot to make the connection to the concept and how it is important to your children's ability to see the Heavenly Father in you.
Of all the qualities that God reveals to us, understanding is the one most spoken of. Why? Why is it important to your child that they see understanding in you?
POWER!!!!!!
The God of the Universe, the one who created all that we are, has immeasurable power to affect our lives. He is not capricious, aloof, or unconcerned with the course of our lives, but at the same time we find ourselves at the whim of the very forces we are told He controls. As fathers (parents), we enjoy the same control in the minds of our children. How many times have you heard a child say, "that's not fair", or "Dad just doesn't understand"?
If you allow yourself a moment, you will admit that you have a huge amount of power to control the course and direction of your child's life, especially during the first five to ten years of their life. This is why totalitarian and centrist forms of governments desire to institutionalize the early years of your child's learning process. As a Christian father, this is when you should be exercising your greatest degree of teaching. That teaching process MUST have at its core the gift of understanding what your child is going through, and letting them know that you understand. As we stated last Sunday, this isn't easy. You have to go back to your basic memories and pull up some of the feelings you had then. If your decisions, and child rearing actions are explained to your children, it will make it easier for them to know that their heavenly Father is just as concerned. As a simple test, wait until you've had to make an especially tough decision concerning them (usually a NO) and give them a little while to stew about it. Then, sit down with them and ask them how they felt about your decision. Give them the freedom to articulate it (unless they become rebellious) and then let them know why you understand how they feel without defending your decision. "I know how you feel, I was once in your situation once......." can go a long way toward discussing their feelings. You won't be trying to defend yourself, because if your actions were valid, time will reveal the wisdom of your actions. One thing our heavenly Father never has to do is defend his decisions, but He DOES know how we feel.
OKAY, know that I've said my heart on what we talked about last week, let me sedge way into the coming trait. Being decisive or deliberate seems like a no-brainer when it comes to raising a child, but it is far from it. It goes without question that our decisions affect our children in ways they don't understand, so, as part of our lesson discussion I'm going to ask you to be prepared to give an example of being deliberate or decisive. Why is this a a kingly trait?
Of all the qualities that God reveals to us, understanding is the one most spoken of. Why? Why is it important to your child that they see understanding in you?
POWER!!!!!!
The God of the Universe, the one who created all that we are, has immeasurable power to affect our lives. He is not capricious, aloof, or unconcerned with the course of our lives, but at the same time we find ourselves at the whim of the very forces we are told He controls. As fathers (parents), we enjoy the same control in the minds of our children. How many times have you heard a child say, "that's not fair", or "Dad just doesn't understand"?
If you allow yourself a moment, you will admit that you have a huge amount of power to control the course and direction of your child's life, especially during the first five to ten years of their life. This is why totalitarian and centrist forms of governments desire to institutionalize the early years of your child's learning process. As a Christian father, this is when you should be exercising your greatest degree of teaching. That teaching process MUST have at its core the gift of understanding what your child is going through, and letting them know that you understand. As we stated last Sunday, this isn't easy. You have to go back to your basic memories and pull up some of the feelings you had then. If your decisions, and child rearing actions are explained to your children, it will make it easier for them to know that their heavenly Father is just as concerned. As a simple test, wait until you've had to make an especially tough decision concerning them (usually a NO) and give them a little while to stew about it. Then, sit down with them and ask them how they felt about your decision. Give them the freedom to articulate it (unless they become rebellious) and then let them know why you understand how they feel without defending your decision. "I know how you feel, I was once in your situation once......." can go a long way toward discussing their feelings. You won't be trying to defend yourself, because if your actions were valid, time will reveal the wisdom of your actions. One thing our heavenly Father never has to do is defend his decisions, but He DOES know how we feel.
OKAY, know that I've said my heart on what we talked about last week, let me sedge way into the coming trait. Being decisive or deliberate seems like a no-brainer when it comes to raising a child, but it is far from it. It goes without question that our decisions affect our children in ways they don't understand, so, as part of our lesson discussion I'm going to ask you to be prepared to give an example of being deliberate or decisive. Why is this a a kingly trait?
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