ALL THEOREMS WILL BE TESTED

It was good to know that I could step away for a week and not worry about what would be taught or said. Thank you Colby, I hear you did a fantastic job. It is evident that the gift of God resides within your life.

There wasn't a reading assignment for the week I was gone, so I had to bring everyone in the back door. Wes Yoder has a gift for going to the heart of a matter and putting it into words that makes sense to men. The first chapter sets the tone for the rest of the book in that it deals with the issues of silence, fear, and disappointment that forces American men into lives of small talk, empty words, and mindless conversations that have nothing to do with what is going on in our hearts.

The process begins with our fathers.

Generations can pass by in the unending passage of time, with each new generation failing to teach the next how to share the deeper things of the heart. Wes Yoder believes the silence is nurtured in a culture of shame. The difficult and weightier issues of life don't find explanations beyond a grunt or an occasional outburst of anger. To me, the issue is fathers. More specifically the western idea of fatherhood. While I can't speak with authority about European ideas of fatherhood, I can speak about Americans. What is even more amazing, is that each generation continues the same process. Sure, we try our best to make improvements, we promise ourselves we won't be like our fathers. Sons harbor childhood resentments well into their adult years until they wake up and realize they could do no better than their father. By then, the damage is done. Bitterness and anger have closed doors of communication that could have been game changers for both men. Sons rebel or withdraw, leaving the grieving father with the sure knowledge that he didn't do it any better than his own father did. Guilt and shame crowd in, and before you know it, you're face to face with loneliness. The home is empty, your life is empty, and your soul is empty. Shallow conversations about sports, weather, politics, and work replace weightier discussions. Across the entire nation, our conversations resemble the header of a newspaper. If you try and begin the conversation with “Dad, how did you. . . . .” The reply will usually be a curt “I don't remember.” or even a more remote grunt followed by “how about those. . . “

Actually, the truth is, he winged it. He did the best he could and made mistakes. He limped along, alone, and feeling around in the dark for the best answer or path. Like other sons before him, he'd burned the bridges with his father and couldn't find the courage to push back into relationship. The culture of shame continues. Most men don't reconnect with their fathers until we are well into our thirties. We sever the most important human relationship we have.

There it is, that's the answer.

We've lost the ability to relate.

Yet, that is the one thing we were created for. We were created for relationship. Sure we can talk about things that don't matter. As men, we deserve the derision of women and the snide comments about our being unable to communicate. If we can't communicate with our fathers who are of like species as we are, how can we expect to communicate with the complex creature known as WOMAN? We just move from one empty relationship to another. Lack of communication is cited as one of the major causes of divorce. If she'd had the common sense to look at the relationship between father and son, she would have her first clue as to what her relationship would be.

That is where we're at for this week.

I've asked for all the men to read from page 31 to 40 in Bond of Brothers. I've also given you an assignment to write the theorems of your youth. You know, the ones you made when you were a little boy and angry at your dad. The Ones that rose up out of your disappointment and resentment. The ones that said you weren't going to be like the man you should most desire to be like. The ones you allowed to fester and grow in your heart. The only way you couldn't have had them, is if your father passed when you were young, or if you had that rare awesome relationship we are trying to encourage. If you have that latter, maybe you should be teaching the class.     

Looking For Daddy

We've spent the last three Sundays sharing our favorite passage from the first 22 pages of the book “Bond of Brothers” by Wes Yoder. Those of you who are regulars, know that we have young men from the ages of 12 through seventy in our group. Now that everyone has shared what ministered to them, I can finally summarize what I've heard from all of you. What I've heard from each and every one of you, is the heart of a child longing for their father. Whether you had, or have an excellent relationship with your father, there is always a desire for a deeper relationship. There is a desire for the mysteries of life to be revealed from the heart of all wisdom and knowledge. Isn't this the same man who could explain why it rains, and where the water goes after it rains? Isn't this the same man who could pilot two tons of steel through busy streets and find his way home after driving hundreds of miles? Isn't this the same man who could read that big huge thing called a newspaper? Isn't this the same man who could open jars your little hands couldn't even grasp?

What does this man know, that I need to know? How did he get past the bully in school who threatened to beat him up every day? How did he handle the shame of making stupid remarks in school that everybody laughed at? How did he survive the anguish of loving a little girl who wouldn't even give him the time of day? How did he navigate the rough waters of life and survive?

Whether the reason we don't share is rooted in our shame, or whether it's rooted in learned silence, it is time for the silence to be broken. A boy's first, and last, best friend should be his father. Within men who proclaim to be Christians, this should be the norm, not the exception. Our lives shouldn't be the sum of our fears, the collection of masks we wear, nor should it be the illusions we work to maintain. As Christian men, the first person we should learn the love of the Father from, is our earthly father. The foundations of our lives must be laid by the same man who paints our world with faith and hope. I heard these hopes and desires over the last three weeks. There is always another level of relationship between fathers and sons. Fathers have the power to lay out the marks for our sons to follow in the race of life. Sadly, we often leave our sons with the markers of silence, shame, and fear. Our failures, though obvious, are brushed aside in order to hold out the illusion that we have it all together. This leaves our sons to live out a life doomed to failure, when we should be leaving them a Spiritual legacy. If we are to leave a spiritual legacy for our sons, it must be based on the love and devotion of a Spirit led father. Over the last three weeks, I've heard the little boy in all of us yearning to be more than we are, to be like our daddy.

I will be out of town next week and Bro. Colby will be teaching the class. In preparation for him stepping into the teacher position, I've asked everyone to read to the end of chapter one. I've also assigned a homework assignment: I want all of our men to look at the lives of Abraham, Eli, and David. I want you to identify what strengths these man failed to leave their sons.

THE POWER OF A FATHER

I don't really know of anything I can say about this morning's men's group to do it justice. When you have such a powerful move of God's Spirit as we had this morning, it makes it hard to distill it down into something you can write into words. Actually, words are inadequate to describe what happened this morning. We picked up where we left off last Sunday, discussing our favorite passage from Wes Yoder's book “Bond of Brothers.” It didn't take long for us to discover the power of our fathers and the ability for them to shape our lives. What became even more apparent, was the affect upon a person's life when there wasn't a father in their childhood, or even worse, a poor attempt at a father.

I'm not belittling or negating the roll of a mother, but in the life of a man, a father is crucial. We saw that in what was shared this morning. These men are determined to create spiritual legacies that will last. I can't think of a greater group of men to do it. These men are bound and determined to be spiritual fathers, leaders, and men of valor. For me, it is like standing amongst some of the most noble men you can imagine. It is like standing among the great Knights of old. Our Pastor summed it up best when he praised the men who've been coming, by quoting the proverb that one man sharpens another as iron sharpens iron. I know it's a worn out saying, but it is still true none the less. When men are left to themselves, there is no amount of perversion or evil that we can think of. We will become dull and rust (corruption.) Even Christian men can succumb to the power of the flesh, if they allow themselves to be cut off from a strong support group. I'm not talking about just one or two close friends, but a group of men bent to one purpose, one desire, one goal, ONE GOD. We are seeing that power unleashed in a sincere desire to imitate Christ. One man, alone, can excuse himself, but among a group of men there may be forgiveness, but there will also be reproof. Amongst one another, there is a deeper truth that must be embraced, we must stand together against our own depravity. The bond of brothers keeps us from peeling away from the gospel like plies of wood in a water logged piece of plywood. If you believe that you and Jesus have your own thing going, you have made the first (or maybe even the last) step toward depravity. I've seen it too many times. When you cut yourself off from the brethren, you cut yourself off from any means of mirroring yourself.

So much of what was said this morning was extremely personal and private. I felt a deep sense of privilege at being admitted into the inner sanctum of men's hearts. What did I learn? I'm not alone. Each man has experienced many of the same feelings I've experienced when it comes to their fathers. Even more, I discovered that there was a hunger to know or to have known their fathers better. There is an aching in the soul of a man to be knitted to that of his father. A desire to ask the questions that go to places few men feel comfortable to go. “Am I a good man?” “Do I make you proud?” “Do you love me even when I fail?”

These are the questions only a father can answer. When a mother answers those questions, all men know the answer will be an unconditional 'yes.' When a father answers those questions, we hold our breath and know that the answer will not be unconditional, but it will be the truth. A father will do anything for his son, but lie to him, even for the sake of love. Maybe that is where the wall of silence has it's foundation. All men know that we hold the power to build up or tear down with our words. The culture of avoidance is born in shame, but that doesn't mean it has to go one more generation. It can end here and now. All men want to know the truth, even if it hurts. We can be the generation that lives the truth.

A CULTURE OF AVOIDANCE

I felt it was necessary to explain a little bit about our men's group at Real Ministries, in order to make our newest study make sense to an outsider. Real Men, as we call ourselves, isn't meant to be a puffed up remark or a comparison to other groups. It's what we desire to be. We desire to be real in the sense of being genuine, sincere, and faithful to our calling as men of God. We don't have gimmicks or hooks. We are men of faith on an epic journey to becoming godly. To do that, we have all made a pledge to one another, our families, and most importantly to our God, that we will do all we can to furnish our lives with the tools necessary to be real. Those tools were given to us by Jesus Christ through the infilling of the Holy Spirit on the day of our 2^nd birth. We have everything we need for life and godliness, through faith in Jesus Christ. Our pledge is to yield to the grace of God and allow the Holy Spirit to take us back to our original relationship with the creator.

We are a Kingdom family of men and young men seeking to bring God's Kingdom to earth just as it is in heaven. When you come to one of our meetings, you may be surprised to see young men ages 12 and up, mixed in with men well into their late sixties. You will see father's baring their souls and their hearts before their sons. You will see young men sharing their fears and desires with men who've lived longer than they've been around. I believe it is what makes our 'fellowship' unique.

Our studies aren't about playing 'stump the dummy.' The teacher doesn't believe for one instant that he knows it all. He knows the one who does. Our men don't talk down to, or belittle the 'younglings' in our midst. In fact, we eagerly hang on every word they say. They- our young men- are why we gather every Sunday morning at eight. We believe that relationship with the Father, demands relationship with our fathers. So, if you should somehow lay hold of this blog and are in Harrison, Arkansas on a Sunday morning, feel free to join us.

Today, we began our study into the book- Bond of Brothers, by Wes Yoder. You'll see a link to the book on this page. I highly recommend it to any man of any age. In preparation for our study, I asked the men to read up to page 22 of the book before coming to today's meeting. I asked them to highlight a part of the reading that had an impact on them. To show you how much I know, I thought it would be a hard thing to get the men to talk about. WRONG! What an awesome time of sharing and love. It started with one of the young men in our group who immediately opened up the discussion with talking about how fathers will hide their true feelings from their sons and how destructive it can be when they reach adulthood. Another young man also liked the portion on page 19 about how our silence about our fears, eventually becomes a solitary confinement. He felt it had application to himself. One of the fathers in our group was extremely moved by the passage where Wes Yoder says that he couldn't remember his father telling him he loved him. The tears began to flow as he thought of his own father and how difficult it was for his own father to say he loved him. The absence of reassurance, made him desire to make sure his own sons knew he loved them. It also made him desire to live a transparent life before them. That sparked another question about what transparency is. What do we mean, when we say we must be transparent? We spent over fifteen minutes defining transparency. We heard story after story about what transparency should look like. We finally determined that transparency wasn't about what we did, as much as it is about how we felt about what we did. It's about our fears, our desires, our hopes, and our dreams.

It was not a discussion for the faint of heart or shallow of mind.

CONTINUE TO READ IF YOU'RE NOT SLEEPY OR IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE LESSON SHEET WAS ABOUT. I ABRIDGED IT TO MAKE IT MORE BLOG FRIENDLY.

THE CULTURE OF AVOIDANCE

Not long ago, I was listening to a series of sermons by a well known Pastor/Televangelist about living the Spirit Led Life. I enjoy this man a lot, but found myself doing double takes as he tried to explain how we could escape injury, pain, and costly mistakes if we allowed the Holy Spirit to guide us. This is part of the modern day culture of avoidance. We'll go to any cost to avoid pain, conflict, and even one another. Don't get me wrong, I believe the Holy Spirit guides us, and I believe we can avoid unnecessary pain by allowing him to guide us through even the most mundane of life's moments. However, I also believe that there are times the Holy Spirit leads us directly into the fray of the battle in order to develop deeper faith in Christ Jesus. There are times the conflict and struggle are given to us in order to bring us glory and reveal the presence of God within us.

WHAT?

Perhaps you had a struggle with that last statement. It is both an Old Testament promise and a New Testament promise. We've all heard that God doesn't want to share his glory with anyone, but that isn't entirely true. He is more than happy to give us glory and even allow others to glorify us. When we are successful in our endeavors, we bring him glory. Actually, he doesn't want us to love the glory of men more than him, but he does give honor where honor is due. He will cause men to take note of our achievements and our successes. As long as we are pointing to God as the source of our success, we give glory to him. It's only when we take possession of the glory that we run into trouble, but the culture of avoidance won't even allow us to accept that God has done something in us. We won't allow anyone to call us mighty men of valor, even though God does it all the time. If you don't believe me, look at the story of Gideon. What did the Angel call him? I believe it's time to stop the culture of avoidance. It's time to move from self deprecation to real humility

The beginning of humility, is to acknowledge who you are. The Psalmist David did it when he said; 'What is man?' Here we have another point of avoidance. The media and humanist thinkers of this world would like you to believe that being a human is a terrible thing. We are painted as destroyers, and blights upon this earthly vale. Let's stop denying and avoiding the fact that we are men. The truth is; we are created in the image of God. We are men. When we stop avoiding that truth and allow God to glorify himself in us, we will begin the path to relationship. The unspoken answer to the question; 'what is man, that he is mindful of us' is that HE IS MINDFUL OF US! He is glorified in us and we will bring him glory. WOW!

What keeps the culture of avoidance alive is, we have other things at work within us. We have. . . issues. Those issues aren't easy to define and are as varied as the number of men in this world. We live in shame and try to avoid any hint of the issues at work within us. Sure, they can be distilled down to sexual issues, anger issues, trust issues, issue issues and on and on and on. We want to avoid the issues because we've believed the lie that we are the only one with issues. Every man and woman in this world has issues. No man likes to admit that they battle daily with the enemy of their soul and sometimes lose. No man likes to admit they've wrestled with fear and doubt and been pinned. No man likes to admit that they worry about failing the Lord. Worst of all we don't like to let others see when we fail. If we are in a wrestling match, there are more points awarded for a reversal than for the actual pin. The ability to escape or reverse a pin is what makes a good wrestler a great wrestler. The problem is, as men, we don't teach one another how to handle the failures or explain to each other how we escaped or reversed the pin. To do so, means we have to admit we were in the pin. God knows when we fail and how we fail, yet he showed us how to overcome it. There was a day when men taught one another how to overcome. There was a time when nobility wasn't measured by the absence of failure, but in how we handled the failure. The proof of that is in mankind's first recorded failure, we have to learn a lesson from that fateful time.

First, let's start with a basic truth.

God is omniscient. As he walked in the Garden that fateful day when Adam fell, he already knew the condition of his creation. At that moment, he even knew me. The problem was, Adam was no different than me, or should I say, I'm no different than Adam. He knew where Adam was. Adam was avoiding him. This is the problem with men to this day. Our first reaction to failure is to hide. We hide from our parents, we hide from our friends, we hide from our wives, our children, and we think we're hiding from God. Nothing scares us more than being naked. So we avoid anyone that might look upon our nakedness. Our fathers hide from us, we hide from our fathers, and we hide from one another. Ironically, all men know the truth. . . WE ARE NAKED. We know exactly who we are, what we are, and what we're about. We know that about all men. Yet, we dress ourselves up in whatever fig leaf we're comfortable in and act as if we aren't naked. That fig leaf can be work, sports, weather, anything but the real issue. We can even hide our shame in the fig leaf of religion. Worse yet, we pretend that we don't see each others nakedness. We convince ourselves that our fig leaf is better at covering our shame than anyone else's. We don't point out the inadequacy of the fig leaf on others because we don't want them pointing at our own. It's time for us to get beyond the fig leafs. Let's stop the culture of avoidance and break the silence. When God calls us in the cool of the day, let us cry out- 'I'm here.'

(SPECIAL NOTE: It is understood in our men's group that nakedness is the equivalent to 'shame.' To see a man naked was to see his shame. Nudity on the other hand is a totally different word. The word for without clothes is used first when describing Adam. Then once he'd eaten of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, he became naked. This is symbolic of the shame that all men feel when they are revealed for who they are. The only way to destroy the shame, is to own up to what and who you are. It is Christ who clothes us in robes of righteousness, so that we are no longer naked.)