Mid Week Tune Up: THE EXCHANGE

I'm a big fan of the PBS series "Antiques Roadshow."   I think it's appeal for me is the idea of hidden treasure, and the surprise of worth. My favorite moments, are the ones where the person brings an item they've found at a garage sale or thrift store, only to find out that their purchase is worth thousands of dollars. The look on the person's face as they discover the value of the item is priceless.  I'm sure that if I'd seen the same item, I would have never even bothered with it.  On the other side of the show, are the people who bring family heirlooms in, hoping to gain an insurance value on the item or items.  In a way it's perverse to me.  I keep wondering if they are really only looking to find out it's value or if they are hoping to sell it.  I enjoy the history that is brought out by the evaluators, but there is something that makes me uneasy about selling a family heirloom.  Which brings me to my Grandmother's Anniversary clock.

As my grandmother began to slip into her late nineties, it became apparent she didn't have long to live.  Her memory had long faded.  I didn't want any of her money, it belonged to my aunt and uncle who'd sheltered her, and nursed her for forty years.  There was only one thing of hers that I'd ever wanted.  The magical, ever spinning, glass domed, Anniversary clock.  From the time I was a toddler, it mystified me. Here was this spinning pendulum dangling by a thin ribbon of metal, dancing endlessly, forever.  It didn't click, it didn't chime, it didn't do anything, but spin and send reflected shafts of golden sunlight throughout her living room.
"How does it do that?"  I would wonder.  I've always been one to disassemble things to discover how they work, but this clock, sheltered within the force field of it's glass dome, was sacred.  My grandmother held nothing sacred from us boys, so it wasn't for fear of her that I avoided disassembling it.  Somehow, I knew that it's workings were beyond my knowing. There were forces at work here that I couldn't discern by breaking it down into it's respective parts.  Somehow, that amazing thread of metal that held the spinning balls suspended above the bottom plate, possessed a magic beyond my knowing.
Before my Grandmother passed, I asked my aunt if I could have it.  I was in my late forties and the mystery still remained for me.  It was the only thing of hers I wanted.  It's magic still amazed me and still does to this day.

What does this have to do with our study into leading as a bondservant?  Everything!  It isn't the item that gives a person worth, but the person who values it.  The same is true with us in our marriages.  The same is true with our relationship with God.  God's estimation of our worth is far greater than we could ever assign to ourselves.  God loved us so much, he gave his only Son, that we might have eternal life.  It's an unfair exchange much like you see on the Antiques Roadshow.  He sees in us a worth far beyond what we can see in ourselves.  He has promised to love us, provide for us, and protect us. We aren't the yard sale treasure or thrift shop find, we are the priceless heirloom he has cherished and hidden away in him.  Our insurance worth, was the cost of his Son, but our true worth is priceless to him. We as humans can only measure his love for us by the gift of his Son, but it is more than that.  He esteems us more highly than we esteem ourselves.  He has become a bondservant to us.  Hearkening to our cry and meeting our every need.  We breathe, because he values us.  The ultimate bondservant asks us to imitate him.

So, I have to ask all you men, have you stood before you wife and said to her:  "I love you, my master, I will not go out free."  Have you given up your life for her?  It's a tough thing to do, to give up your place as "man of the house," "king of the castle," "chief tie-breaker,"  and other titles of position. Your first human response is to wonder what she'll do for you.  Jesus did the same thing for us.  He left his position in glory, his equality with God, to become the created. Then, he embraced us fully in our humanity and said, "I love you, my master, I will not go out free."  He bound himself to us forever.  He said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

Is it too much for us to give ourselves as bondservants to our Lord?  Is it too much too ask for us to give ourselves for our wives?

What do you value?  If we as men value ourselves above our wives, we've already failed as imitators of Christ.  If we do love them as our master, we gain more than a wife.  We gain true life and worth.  Seems like a fair exchange, don't you think?  

TRUE FREEDOM

Two of our young men returned to college last week, one of them as a newly married man, and the other with a renewed vision for the future. (I could feel the subtle change in the men's study group as we compensated for the absence of both of you.) I'm sure I speak for all of the REAL men, when I pray for you to have another successful year in college. We also look forward to those weekends when you are able to return to us and your families. You are the reason for writing this Blog.

We began studying chapter seven of “Every Man's Marriage.” I have to admit, it was a relief not to have to go into chapter six. By now, you know why.

This chapter is a profound shift in thinking. It is a major rebuttal of the modern American mindset that defines the male role in the family as the king of his castle, lord of his family, and ruler of his wife. That mindset is anti-Christ, and should have never been acceptable in any faith fellowship. Fred hits upon an amazing concept that rivals the idea of “spiritual oneness.” Chapter seven leads into the second half of the book which teaches us “leading as a bondservant.”

At first, it can sound like an oxymoron. How do you lead if you are a servant? The servant leader goes against the American mindset of being free. Actually, it is the perversion of the definition of freedom that makes it hard to understand. In order to confront the perversion head on, we first defined what a “bondservant” is.

We opened with Exodus 21 and read through verse six. It surprised me, how God went from giving the children of Israel the ten commandments and then his first Mitzovt is about the bondservant. You would think he would have made the laws concerning killing another man his first order of business. There has to be a significance to it. From the passage of scripture, we determined that there was parallel to what had just happened to the children of Israel. Four hundred years before, they'd put themselves in bondage to Pharaoh because of a severe drought. God bought them back from Pharaoh, and now they stood before him as a free people. It was no longer the whip and lash that drove them. While they may have forgotten the Covenant God had made with Abraham, God had not. He brought them out to the desert, to set them free. What is the ultimate choice of freedom?

To freely serve.

The picture man paints of servant hood, is of someone selling themselves to another man for the promise of food, shelter, and safety. All of which God says he'll provide if we'll trust him. It is the needs of the flesh that will drive a man to sell himself into the service of another. Hunger and self preservation will make men do drastic things. That is why we can't confuse the slavery of African Americans with the slavery that God addresses. They were kidnapped, chained, and forcibly removed from their homes. The kind of slavery God is addressing is when we willingly sell ourselves into slavery to survive or pay a debt. The fact is, everyone is a slave to someone. It doesn't matter who you are, you are going to serve somebody. I know of men who work 60 to 80 hours a week for a salary. What is the salary? Food, shelter, and safety. We are all sold into slavery. We are slaves to our belly and our selfish desires. That was all the children of Israel had ever known. Up to this point they'd never known any other reason for being a slave until God gave them his purest example. God forbade the Hebrews from owning one another for more than six years. Although I'm not a Hebrew scholar, and I haven't found any proof to back me up, I'm sure it has to do with six being the number of man. It probably also has a lot to do with the fact that God took six days to create the earth. At the end of six years, the slave is given an amazing shot at freedom. HE OWES NOTHING. His debt is paid. Then God does an amazing thing. There is a profound definition of freedom. It is the same picture we see when a man stands as a free man before friends and family at the front of an altar. He places a ring upon the hand of the lovely woman standing before him and says; “I love my Master, I will not go out free.”

WHAT?

That's not what is said.

YES IT IS!

The man comes in to the wedding ceremony a free man. He has all the rights of a free man. He can go wither so ever he will without a thought about it. He can live anyplace that someone will have him. He can do anything he wants. Yet, what is his choice? I will serve you, my bride, my master, because I love you. It is a profound shift in thinking. We are servants of love. Sadly, in today's culture, there is a perversion of marriage into an exchange of services. If the marriage is an exchange of services, it is a prostitution of the worst kind. If somehow in the scheme of things, the man sees himself as ruler of the home, he has returned to being a slave in God's eyes. I know it is a perversion, because I once thought that way. I'd allowed myself to embrace the idea that marriage was an exchange of services, with me being the king of the family. As king, my contribution was defined by what I brought home to the table, fixed, killed (bugs,) opened, or built. They were all things I would naturally do for myself. Nothing had changed. Not once had I looked at my bride as being my master. Not once had I allowed her the freedom to choose me as her master. I demanded it. Not cruelly with physical or verbal abuse, but insidiously with belief and religious ideology. Didn't the bible say we were one flesh? Didn't the bible say her body was mine? I'd twisted and turned the idea of love into a self-serving institution.

Yep, I messed it up.

We looked at God's choices of Servant Leaders, Moses, David, and Jesus. They were true examples of how you can be a leader, and still be a servant at the same time. Marriage is no different than a nation in God's eyes. The Hebrew nation began as a marriage. It is the perversion of the concept of freedom that twists the marriage bed into servitude by both parties. If the woman is looking for the man to be her provision, defender, and source of happiness, she has sold herself into slavery to her flesh. She has entered back into the curse. A home, food, and clothing are not proof of love. The man will work to give himself those things anyway. Sure, as a free man, he may settle for a lot less than he would being married. More people require more space. In being yoked together with the man, she already changes him UP. What is sad to watch, is when the man and the woman delineate the marriage into services provided. One of the saddest statements I've heard is when a woman tells another, that she had to service her man. At that point, I know the marriage has entered into legalized prostitution. She no longer views the man as someone she WANTS to give herself to.

Throughout the morning, there were many wonderful thoughts and observations. I was so enraptured by the direction of the discussion, I failed to take notes. I hate it when that happens. . . . NOT! Actually I'll try and list the highlights.

1. How do we rectify being a slave to Jesus, with being fellow heirs, sons of God, a royal nation, and other descriptions that elevate us beyond being slaves? We didn't get there with the answer, but I can tell you, there is one. NEXT WEEK, I promise it will be good.
2. We tore up the issue of our attitude. Pastor explained how he went from doing things to show his servant leadership, to doing things because he is a servant leader.
3. We have to embrace the knowledge of who and what we are in Christ Jesus. We are bondservants to one another, with our wives being an extension of that same spirit of loving servitude we give to one another. Her's being the greater portion.
4. It is all an attitude of the heart. By leading as a bondservant, we don't do it for what we'll get out of it. We refuse to look at what is in it for us. If we serve our wives for the promise of them being more servile to us, we've already missed the point. If our goal is to have more sex, more gifts, more thoughtfulness, then we've simply slipped back into self love. It is Narcissistic at best.
5. The applications of the servant leader go beyond the marriage. It is how we should be living amongst one another. Ephesians 5:21 is the simple truth of how we should be. “Submit to one out of reverence for Christ.” NLT

Finally, I'd like to let you know that the book “slave” by John MacArthur is available on amazon.com for $12.95. I know you guys have a lot to do in college. Reading another book is probably the last thing you want to do. However, I highly recommend it. Glenda heard the author do an interview on the radio and bought the book. When she was finished, she gave it to me to read. WOW! It is a fantastic book. It's where we've been for the last five or six years. It's not a heavy read. The pastor hasn't made it a must read, but I'm highly suggesting it.

All the men missed you guys. It feels as if part of us is numb. Be blessed this week and look for the mid-week tune up.

En` Christ

Brother Dave.

Getting Down to the Essence

We're still parked in chapter five and creeping along in first gear.  We've been tearing apart the whole "spiritual oneness" thing.  One of the things we've discovered in our study, is that it is hard to be one with someone when you don't know their essence. We've been talking about knowing our wife's essence and working to keep from destroying it with our own.  However, it occurred to me that one of the problems for men is the confusion that comes from not knowing what we want outside of having a woman.  For most of us, we very rarely discover what our own essence is, and if by some miracle we do discover our essence, it usually takes back seat to the much stronger urge for sex and companionship.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that men usually discover what they are and what they want to do en route. Very few men become what they said they wanted to become when they were little boys. 
There are very few little boys who would say: "I want to be a mid-level manager of an investment firm and work in a five by five cubicle all day."  I would dare to say that the cubicle is the furthest thing from what the man dreamed of becoming.  As his dreams die and his hopes for greatness wane, he forgets how he got into the cubicle. He moved beyond the dreams of greatness into the reality of survival and support.  The beautiful ewe lamb that captured his heart and upended his dreams becomes someone who reminds him of his failure. Her eyes which once mesmerized him, now pierce his heart with darts of self doubt and self-loathing.  She may not even know why he is treating her the way he is, but she only knows he isn't the prince charming she thought she was getting.  As the childhood dreams die within both of them, there is this sad waltz that they perform to avoid saying what hurts them and why they both feel so alone.  As his youthful strength and vigor is consumed upon the altar of parenthood, his only island of hope is the momentary pleasures of sex and stolen moments with the woman who was once his only passion.  PROBLEM IS:  By this time, he's forgotten her essence and what she dreamed and longed for.  She is equally disheartened as the man who once worshiped her and made every defference to her essence, now hides or at worst abuses her. 
While I agree with the authors about the fragility of the wife's essence, I also know that a man can't respect his wife's essence until he respects his own. The problem is, the world tells young boys they can do anything they want to do.  That is the furthest thing from the truth. A man can only do what his essence allows him to do. When what we do is in direct conflict with our essence, we are at war with ourselves and ultimately with those around us. Compromise for the sake of love, sex, companionship, money, or power is the soil of despair.  When Jesus was confronted with the pressures of those who would demand he compromise his essence for their own, he would take it to the level where all men should go.  "I do only what the Father tells me to do." 
Jesus is the only one who knows your true essence.  As men, we lose ours along the way and then find ourselves destroying the essence of those who love us and surround us.  It's not willful.  It's a bull in the china closet kind of thing. 
Don't get worried or bent out of shape.  If you are someone who has lost their essence, all you have to do is ask the doe eyed beauty who stole your heart.  Believe me, she remembers what it was.  Just ask her, "What did you like about me before we got married."  That's your essence.  If she's forgotten, Jesus will remind her. 

REAL Men

You've heard em all.  You know what I'm talking about.  The 'Real Men' quips.  YOU KNOW!  "Real men don't cry,"  or how about "Real men aren't afraid to cry."   "Real men don't eat quiche."  "Real men drink their coffee black. . . ."  The list goes on and on.  Anything another man does or doesn't want to do, is given value by the statement: "Real men. . ." 
The problem with the statement is. . . WHAT DOES THE STATEMENT MEAN?  Are there artificial men out there?  Is there some government agency whose job it is to validate real men?  Do you get a certificate stating whether you are a real man or not?  Is there a list of qualifications for being a real man?  Do you have to drive certain cars, play manly sports, or drink manly beverages?  Who decides whether you are a real man or not?  Is it done at birth.  If you come out of the chute less than a man, do you get some kind of stamp on your forehead from the U.S. Department of Manhood stating that you are less than "Grade A Choice Man?"  This could be of national or global importance. What do the hospitals do with the less than 'real' men? 
Is being less than a real man genetic, or is it caused by environment?  Is there a manual for parents to raise real men? 
What about the women of the world?  How do they know whether they are getting a real man or not?  Wouldn't it be a shame for a woman to shave her legs, put on her most tantalizing outfit and discover she is married to a 'fake' man.  I wonder if a woman could suit her husband for being less than a real man?  Is there anybody with the authority to validate your manliness?
Are real men Navy Seals, Special Forces, or other elite military groups?  Is the football field the only place real men hang out?  Are there physical requirements for being a real man?  
Actually, I know some REAL men.  I know about twenty of them.  I know they're REAL men, because they go to REAL Ministries.  I've known most of them for going on 16 years.  I watched some of them grow up from little men to big men, but I can vouch that every one of them are REAL. 
The men of Real Ministries are the ones I'm writing this blog for.  One of the men asked me to do a blog for our young men who are away from home at college.  He hopes it will keep them connected to us and make it easier for them to come into our study when they get a chance to come home.  I thought it was a great idea! 
So, here it is. 
I've been working on this blog for two evenings straight and I still have a long way to go.  This weekend, Glenda and I are celebrating 35 years of wedded something. 
OH COME ON!
I would have loved to have said 'BLISS," but I can't vouch for her. It's been good for me, but then I wasn't always good to her.  BUT, I digress. I wanted to get this up and running tonight, so I wouldn't be working it in my head while working to let Glenda know how happy I am that she didn't leave my rear end at the altar, like her mother and daddy wished she would.  I hope you will all be patient as I work in the necessary elements that will make it more than just a study sheet.  When I'm done, you'll know what we're reading, what we're doing, and where we're going.  For those of you who aren't away at college, it will give you some insight into what I took away from the study group and even prepare you for the next weeks lesson. 
For those of you who are my Facebook friends and followed the link to this blog, I hope you'll FOLLOW this blog and learn with us.  Who knows, maybe you ladies will even get a good idea of what a real man is. 
Disclaimer: 
For the last five years, I've been writing most of our studies.  However, this year we are studying the book "Everyman's Marriage."  by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker.  This has been a laborious and slow study because we want to get it right.  I'm not really keen on getting permissions from the authors, nor do I wish to violate copyright laws.  For that reason, this blog will not have quotes from or mention names from the book aside from what you just read.  Instead, I will be taking the comments made during the study and expanding upon whatever jewel is brought forth.  Believe me, there have been some awesome things brought out during the study.
As to the question I've been asking, the answer is:  "REAL Men love Jesus."  Real men are everywhere.  I haven't seen an artificial man yet.