THE SAFEST PLACE IN THE HOUSE

As part of the expansion on the traits of a king, let's look at a quality I called 'being hopeful.'  I wish I had a better term for it.  In the Air Force leadership course I took, the instructor called it 'optimism.'  I remember when I took my notes, optimism seemed to be too...I don't know...dark.  Don't get me wrong, I tend to be a pragmatist/realist, with a strong optimistic nature.  OR, at least that was the way I tested out on one of the half dozen character/ leadership surveys we did.  They gave us hypothetical questions about 'what we would do' if confronted with common everyday leadership challenges, and to me they were like 'no-brainers', but then again I didn't tend to think very deep then.  Leading a shop full of YOUNG men seemed no different than raising a couple of teenage girls.  Once you get past the daily drama, it all boils down to doing what's right.  BUT>>>>>>>> It isn't always that simple, and then you find yourself confronted with disasters of your own making.  Optimism is only one part of the leadership toolbox.
Let me see if I can make sense of my confusing start.  Optimism is not based on anything but your outlook.  Hopefulness by it's very nature implies trusting something outside of yourself for the better outcome.  If circumstances are against you, if you have reached the level of your incompetence, then the only thing left is 'something' or 'someone' else outside of you.  Hope demands belief in something more powerful than yourself, and that is why I had a hard time with optimism being a leadership trait.  YES, I believe in having a positive outlook on life.  Yes, I prefer to believe in the goodness of individuals, and yes, weirdly enough, like Captain Kirk of Star Trek fame, I don't believe in a 'No-Win' scenario.  I believe in my heavenly Father, and the eternal life He's made available to me through His Son, Jesus. I was given my school of hard knocks from the time I was in the first grade, and eventually, I had to come to a place where I believed God had me in the palm of His hand.
As a Christian father, we have to be more than optimistic!! We have to be the calm in the eye of the storm, and the foundation of our children's faith in Him who rules over the storms.
It is important for a child to know that they are safe.  Safety might be more than you just saying something positive as the pressures of life fall all around you.  Optimism can wear very thin when every day is a repeat of the terrors of the day before.
For those of us who've been to Nicaragua over the last few years can attest to, the hopefulness of our brothers and sisters in Christ even though they live in conditions that would crush many here in the states, is a testament to their faith in Christ.
Yes, I believe in being optimistic...well...because I am, but I believe in being hopeful even more.  If we know that God is for us, then who can be against us.  That doesn't mean things won't come against us, it means what, or who are they in terms of eternity?  WE come back again to the statement of Jeremiah 29:11 I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU.....
When things come crushing in on you or your family, the one thing you want them to know is "God has this." The weather service tells us that there are places in our house that are the safest in a Tornado, in earthquake prone places of our country they tell us the safest places to hid during an earthquake.  In the storms of life, you should be the safest place in the house. 
You might ask; what if it's death, severe injury, poverty, ridicule, persecution, or even isolation from all those you love?   God has a plan for you.  Try that on your little ones in their trying situations.  Make it more personal by telling them you have a plan for them.  What was God's plan for Israel?
Simple; To prosper them, and to restore them.  That should be your plan!  Easy Peezy!   No problems, no sweat, I got this, and because I got this, you've got this.

As a side note, you might look up Stephen Curtis Chapman and the things he went through.

WHAT WE ARE---WHAT WE CAN BE

The Tree

A few years ago my wife brought home a tree from the nursery and asked me to plant it.  "It's a weeping cherry tree"  she declared proudly.  Will it have cherries I asked her.  She informed me that it wouldn't, which in my opinion made it a waste, BUT, she's my wife, and I planted it anyway.  As I dug a hole for it and set it in the ground, I noticed it had a decided bow in it.  It had obviously been rooted from a branch, and to say the least, it wasn't a very straight branch.  In my infinite horticultural wisdom, (read ignorance) I took a 1" diameter piece of PVC pipe and taped the tree to it in order to make it straight.  It wasn't pretty, and I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do, but the tree began to grow.  Who'd have thunk it??? Me, growing something?   For about three years the tree stood there looking ugly with this big white PVC pipe strapped to it's ever growing trunk.  Funny thing though, sometime around the fourth year it began to produce these long curved branches that draped clear to the ground.  As the summer progressed they thickened and formed this almost impenetrable umbrella of leaves and branches.  Mowing under it became an exercise in sado-masochism.  It's branches were as stiff as iron and it looked like a mop left upside down in the weather.  Glenda loved it, I hated it, and it continued to grow despite me. 
Every winter when the leaves were gone I would say to myself that I would pull the piece of PVC from the trunk.  Believe me, it was no longer needed.  I did this for about nine years until I finally cut away the branches  during the winter and pulled with all my strength at the weathered PVC pipe.  Like the tree itself, it refused to budge.  The base of the tree had grown around it making it a permanent fixture of the tree.  About three years ago we moved to another house and the tree didn't last much longer.  The new owner cut it down (didn't want to fight the branches.)   One day they asked me why I'd put the PVC in there in the first place and I told them about it's bent nature.   They remarked how solid the tree was, and how I thought that silly piece of PVC pipe could change anything.  I explained to them that it wasn't always that way,  There were a few years when it was pliable and swayed in the breeze. 
Being self-aware is like that old tree.  I believe a man can change.  If you catch yourself now, do a real self evaluation, you can discover your 'bend'.   The word of God is the rod we need to help us evaluate our nature.  I know from first hand experience.  Like that weeping cherry tree, I've seen what the straight rod of God's word has done to straighten my bend.  My nature hasn't changed, but my bend has.  Each year my life follows more closely the path laid before me by God's word.  What binds me to that word is the loving ties of my wife, my children, and the numerous people of my faith fellowship.  My bent was long ago straightened, but my roots have grown around the Word of God.  I'm not much to look at, and I'm a little difficult to mow around, but I no longer bend or sway with the storms of life.  What we are when we are saplings, or cuttings can be molded, and even trained into a tree of life.  Being self aware means knowing what your nature is, and having the wisdom from the word of God to modify your nature so that your family can grow.  As a leadership quality, self-awareness makes it easier for you to know how your nature affects those around you.  Your decisions, your actions, your ticks, and your responses to those around you are governed by your nature.  While you are and will be you, God can change your bend.  God knows what you are, and He knows what you can be.  He knows how to make you the best father for your kids. 
Our children will love our stability, but they will need us to be aware of how we affect them.  I can see a little of myself in each of my adult children.  My likes and dislikes have been transmitted, but some have been rejected.  Thankfully my children have discarded the worse traits, and embraced the sweeter nature of their mother.  Not one of them is a duplicate of me.  Oh, they may have some of my features, or they may like some of the stuff I like, but they are truly their own self.  I hope they are aware of who and what they are so that their children can be their own selves. 
As a little side note, DON'T PLANT A WEEPING CHERRY TREE!!! 

SANTA CLAUS AND HONESTY

As a father who perpetuated and encouraged my children to believe in Santa Claus, I've often had to do some serious soul searching about how it affected my children, and how my views have moderated over the years. 
I'm not going to decry or bemoan the secular take over of Christmas because it is Christians who appropriated the holiday from the pagan worship of the winter solstice.  In temperate climes such as Northern and Central Europe, what were people supposed to do when they couldn't sow or harvest?  I'm also sure that people don't really change much from generation to generation, so it isn't difficult for me to believe that those who had homes with warm fires, and plenty, would be inclined to invite their neighbors, and family in for a story around the fire.  We haven't changed much as social creatures despite what doomsday prophets say.  The circle is bigger, the fire less conspicuous, and the means of getting to one another's abodes less fretful.  The gift of giving to one another during this time of year wasn't Christ centric, but it has helped the gospel go forth.
So, I'm not here to tell you if it is right or wrong to tell your children about Santa.  I am here to tell you to check your own heart and see if it is alright with the Spirit of God within you. 
You have to ask yourself why the story of a jolly old man in a red suit, flying around in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer continues on year after year, especially when all of us eventually grow up and learn the truth.  One of the reasons I think it continues is because of the look of wonder in our children's eyes when they see that one special gift brought to them by someone they don't ever see.  That light usually goes out by the time a child reaches seven or eight years of age, and the truth is told to them.  Sometimes a parent will explain the truth, but usually a child finds out from an older friend at school or in the neighborhood.
The myth of Santa is an easy way for parents to buy gifts for their children without being inundated with constant requests for toys all year long.  If you've done the myth right, your little child knows that Santa knows what they want without them even asking or writing to them.  Hmmmmm, does that sound familiar?   At the same time, it takes you out of the equation for making value decisions about how they've behaved all year. 
Let's admit it, we all like to give our children gifts, because we are like our heavenly Father.  Jesus made this connection years before there was ever a Saint Nicolas from Norway.  He said;  "If you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children..."  (Matthew 7:11)  It is in us to bless our children and bring them joy.  The bible is replete with story after story of fathers giving their children gifts.  I guess my question is; do we need Santa to make it fun? 
The older I've become, the more I step back from the craziness of it all.  I love the season, I love to see children's eyes filled with wonder, but I hate to see the Courthouse square empty of the nativity scene.  I think that if I were to do it again, I would tell my children that there once was a real Saint Nicolas who came into a large sum of money and decided to give it out to those in need.  I would then use that as a sedge-way into the true story of Christ's birth, and the greatest gift of all.  I would explain how people have used the story of Saint Nicolas to carry on the joy of giving year after year, helping to keep the spirit of Christ alive from generation to generation.  I would tell them not to destroy the joy of another child who might believe, and to be kind to others during this time of giving. 
Honesty and transparency are leadership traits that every father needs to learn early in order to raise children who value both.  Does it make a difference that we carry on a lie every year till they are old enough to be told the truth?  Is it one of the little lies we tell, even though we know it isn't real?  Is there a 'tooth fairy' in your home?  What about the monster under the bed that will get you if you get up in the middle of the night?
Even worse yet, are you one of those people who smile and shake the Pastor's hand at the end of the service, and then proceed to gripe and complain about him or her on the way home from church?  Do you brazenly talk about cheating on your taxes, the condition of an object you are selling, or even telling someone a falsehood concerning their looks or behavior?  Telling your children there is a Santa kind of pales in light of these falsehoods. 
Santa is a personal decision, and I won't give anyone a hard answer on it, because it is a personal decision.  Besides, I wouldn't want to give you a reason to be duplicitous.   

UNDERSTANDING

As usual, our discussion didn't move as quickly as I'd hoped it would.  That isn't bad, especially considering that the topic for our study was built upon five leadership traits that are weighty subjects by themselves. After reading the study sheet over again, I realized that I'd forgot to make the connection to the concept and how it is important to your children's ability to see the Heavenly Father in you.
Of all the qualities that God reveals to us, understanding is the one most spoken of.  Why?  Why is it important to your child that they see understanding in you?
POWER!!!!!!
The God of the Universe, the one who created all that we are, has immeasurable power to affect our lives.  He is not capricious, aloof, or unconcerned with the course of our lives, but at the same time we find ourselves at the whim of the very forces we are told He controls.  As fathers (parents), we enjoy the same control in the minds of our children.  How many times have you heard a child say, "that's not fair", or "Dad just doesn't understand"?
If you allow yourself a moment, you will admit that you have a huge amount of power to control the course and direction of your child's life, especially during the first five to ten years of their life.  This is why totalitarian and centrist forms of governments desire to institutionalize the early years of your child's learning process.  As a Christian father, this is when you should be exercising your greatest degree of teaching.  That teaching process MUST have at its core the gift of understanding what your child is going through, and letting them know that you understand.  As we stated last Sunday, this isn't easy.  You have to go back to your basic memories and pull up some of the feelings you had then.  If your decisions, and child rearing actions are explained to your children, it will make it easier for them to know that their heavenly Father is just as concerned.   As a simple test, wait until you've had to make an especially tough decision concerning them (usually a NO)  and give them a little while to stew about it.  Then, sit down with them and ask them how they felt about your decision.  Give them the freedom to articulate it (unless they become rebellious) and then let them know why you understand how they feel without defending your decision.  "I know how you feel, I was once in your situation once......."  can go a long way toward discussing their feelings.  You won't be trying to defend yourself, because if your actions were valid, time will reveal the wisdom of your actions.  One thing our heavenly Father never has to do is defend his decisions, but He DOES know how we feel. 
OKAY, know that I've said my heart on what we talked about last week, let me sedge way into the coming trait.  Being decisive or deliberate seems like a no-brainer when it comes to raising a child, but it is far from it.  It goes without question that our decisions affect our children in ways they don't understand, so, as part of our lesson discussion I'm going to ask you to be prepared to give an example of being deliberate or decisive.  Why is this a a kingly trait? 

TRAITS OF A KING

As most of you know by now, I’m unapologetic about manhood, even as much as I’m unapologetic about my faith.  Not only do I believe in fatherhood as a noble endeavor, I also believe that I am a king, and priest of my family.  However, I want to deal with the traits of a king before we begin looking at the priestly.  Let me state from the outset, that being a king and being a priest are both spiritual offices.  They are not exclusive one of another.  The traits of a king deal with how you relate to your family, and by extension the community.  The traits of a priest are how you interact as a servant to your family, and as an intercessor between  your family and God.  We’ll look at the priestly role in later studies.
A king is a leader, while a priest is a servant.  A father wears a crown and a priestly robe at the same time.  Many men have a distorted idea of kingship, and therefore pervert the God given responsibility into something that satisfies their base instincts.  Many church going men have never been taught the truth of their kingly role, and hence we see our children flee the church because they were left disillusioned by the example set before them.  “If this is what Christianity is, I don’t want any part of it,” is a statement I’ve heard way too many times. 
The traits of a GOOD king will be found in what a man is before fatherhood. A good man makes a good father. Don’t get me wrong, I believe good fathering techniques and principles can be taught, it’s the desire to implement them can’t.  When I was in the Air Force, I went through three schools of leadership.  These courses were designed to train us how to be effective leaders of men.  I appreciate those courses, and what I learned greatly impacted my ideas concerning godly fatherhood.  It’s been over 25 years since I was in the Air Force and these simple truths have held me in good stead in my civilian life.  So, excuse me if I take these truths and show how they were biblical principles long before the military co-opted them.  I hope you don’t equate my numbering as a ranking of their importance.  Each of these qualities, or the absence thereof, will determine how good a kingly father you are.  More than that, the chivalrous, noble father should seek to wear these traits like a kingly robe.  They are biblical values, but they serve in the world as the hallmarks of great leaders whether they are men or women.  Yes, I’m talking about women having these qualities, too. 
Understanding!  In the Air Force we called it being empathetic.  Sadly, as we all grow into adulthood, we often forget the emotional stew that we grew up in.  The anger, frustration, fear, joy, expectation, and emotional reactions to life usually get replaced with logic, wisdom, and temperance.  AS THEY SHOULD!  However, this makes it difficult to be empathetic towards the emotions that govern how our children behave. Being empathetic to your children’s emotional states will go a long way toward giving them the ability to express their feelings to you.  (Romans 12: 15) If you start out demanding that ‘boys don’t cry’ or ‘girls do cry.’ you’ve already closed an emotional door for your child to respond to you. God doesn’t do that to us.  (Hebrews 4:13-16)  The only admonition against our emotions is the admonition not to fear.  Other than that, God makes it clear that He is just as emotional as we are.  Maybe even more so.  (John 11: 35) Not only that, He makes it clear that he understands us. 
Be Deliberate!  Being deliberate or decisive in your role as father is predicated upon being clear about your goal as father.  I would like to think more along the line of knowing what your goals are for your children, and being unwavering in going to those goals.  The bible tells us in James 1:8 that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.  I like to look at decisiveness as being in touch with Father God. For example, when King David had to make decisions while leading his ‘mighty men of valor,’ he would always seek God’s direction for his actions.  What most people miss, is that when he presented his questions before God, he had narrowed them down to two choices, with a willingness to accept the direction that God chose.  A king must have the willingness to make a decision, and be responsible for the outcome.  As a kingly father, you must be decisive, and deliberate.  If you waver, your child will sense it, and you’ll forever battle with them in that area of ‘weakness.’   Hopefully your life circumstances will give you enough time to ask your spouse her opinion, and ask God for His. Having a plan before you start having children would be wise.   Being led by Holy Spirit is essential when quick thinking is necessary.
Be Self Aware!   Self awareness is having a realistic self appraisal, without self justification. It means being ready to admit when you are wrong in your fatherly actions.  This will go a long way toward shaping your children’s response to the world around them, and their trust in you. Most of the greatest promises in the Word of God have to do with Him being AWARE of what we are going through.  Knowing our own limitations, and strengths goes a long way toward being mindful of what our children are going through.  This in turn leads to understanding.  Being aware is the first step to understanding.  Talking to your child about their feelings about what is happening to them, and just knowing what is happening to them will hopefully bring back memories of when you had those feelings.  Being aware of your motivations will also go a long way toward shaping your response to their reactions.  For example, if your child is being bullied, or even if they are being a bully, the fact that you are aware of their circumstances is important.  It’s easy to dismiss their childlike view of things from your adult perspective.  (Romans 12: 3) Honest self evaluation, with a desire to emulate Christ will eventually lead to children capable of doing the same. AS fathers, I truly believe this is one of the hardest things for us to do, because we are so busy being... fathers. 
Be Honest and transparent!   Here is the hard one.  Where is the line in this one?  There isn’t.  When I was in the Air Force, they taught us that if we were duplicitous or deceptive, there was no going back to retrieve your honor.   As a father, your honesty and transparency will give you a kingly appearance to your children.  I remember an episode of the Andy Griffith Show where Opey told a lie to get a roll of caps for his cap gun. Andy rebuked him but later on told a lie to sell an old cannon to an antique dealer.  The question was; when is it alright to lie?  If you are honest and transparent, you will be able to show them how to dance this fine line of being honest and still being kind when the truth could hurt. I devote two full lessons to this concept later. (As a side note, Andy Taylor often told fibs.) 
Hopeful!  Being hopeful or optimistic is difficult in today’s age.  As adults, fathers are confronted with the darker circumstances of life every day. It is a totally different from when you are a single guy, and only have to worry about yourself. Your family adds a dynamic to the trials of life that can cause you to dispair.  There are times when life happens in a ferocious way that seems to be hopeless.  Death, disease, financial setbacks, failures, moral failures, and discouragement stalk us every step of the way.  Being hopeful, and faith filled will go a long way toward building your child’s faith in God.  It won’t do you any harm either.  Of all the fears I remember having as a child, the fear of death, the fear of my mom and dad getting divorced, and being rejected by my peers were the strongest ones I remember. Reassurance is important for a child to navigate the rapids of life. Some people will call it being optimistic, but it is more than that.  I call it blessed assurance.  It is knowing that God is in control, and resting in that knowledge.  Being able to believe in a leader is the most crucial aspect of leadership.  It seems indefinable, and almost mystical at its core, but a great king is able engender faith, and belief despite their worst qualities.  A true leader often doesn’t see this gift in themselves.  If your children believe in you, they will believe in what you hold dear.  Belief comes from a mashup of the kingly traits being a part of your character set. 
These are only a few of the leadership traits I was taught.  I believe they are kingly traits, valuable for leading your family into a life of fellowship with Christ.  The power of sovereignty is established upon God setting you as ruler, however, that place of authority is quickly eroded when a king abuses the people. The same is true of being a father.  If you abuse your authority over your family, you risk losing it all.  That is why humility is needed to rely upon God’s wisdom, and plan for your life.

MORE STORIES OF NOBLE FATHERS

It was another wonderful morning of godly men recounting tales of the nobility of fatherhood.  Throughout the history of our men's group, I've hoped, and longed for the day when fathers and sons sat together and expressed their hearts one to another.  I don't know where the idea of holding back public praise for our parents came from, but it isn't of God.  I'm sure it has something to do with the idea of people getting a 'big head' if you praise them.  It could also be due to the fact that we erroneously believe that criticism is a better motivator than praise.  Whatever it's origin, I can see how difficult it was for some of the sons to speak goodness while their fathers were sitting across the table from them.  I wonder if there is a magical age where it isn't acceptable anymore.  What is ironic to me is that just before the men's service one of our young men came in with his four year old daughter clinging to his hand as she headed toward the nursery.  The love for her father was written all over her face, and she demanded a hug before she left. 
During our discussion, one of the young men expressed that he believed his father making breakfast for them every morning was a noble act.  When I pressed him for what noble quality he thought that represented, he struggled.  That's not unusual.  I don't think I've heard the term 'noble deeds' used in public in a long, long, time.  As I've said in an earlier post, we confuse nobility with heroics.  Noble character isn't talked about as often as it used to be.  So, I understood the young man's hesitation.  Finally after a few awkward moments I asked his father what his reasons were for cooking breakfast every morning was.  The answer was stunning: "To serve them." 
A Christian father should be all about servanthood.  It is part and parcel of parenthood.  When a father looks at their child as nothing more than an unpaid servant to do their will, it is a perversion of family.  Should children be taught how to clean up their own messes?  Yes.  Should children be taught how to clean and maintain the house?  Yes!  Should children be given daily chores?  Yes.  BUT, father's should also keep as their serve going long beyond the toddler and pre-adolescent years. 
As this discussion unfolded, we began to talk about the result of living out the noble qualities we admire, and one of our younger boys said simply it was a case of 'like father, like son."  If we live out the ideals of noble fatherhood, noble sons should follow. 
I agree.  We can no longer afford to assume that our sons 'know' what qualities we admire in them, and sons can no longer afford to wait until their parents are dead to sing their praises. 
My father, and I had a long needed discussion just this last year, where I told him  how much I appreciated him, and the things I think he gave me.  He wasn't a perfect father, but what he gave me was perfect.  I can say that here in this blog which I know he'll never read.  and I can say it to his face.  I know this is the ending of a generational curse.  As I said when I began this post, I don't know where it started, but I am going to put an end to it in my own life.  The nobility of Christian Fatherhood will change the world once more. 

STORIES OF NOBLE FATHERS

It was a wonderful start to our discussion of the nobility of fatherhood this last Sunday.  Six men gave their examples based mostly upon their own fathers, and one of the men shared the example of a man he works with. 
Each anecdote seemed to touch upon upcoming lessons, and will provide plenty of support material for what I've been saying all along; that fatherhood is a noble endeavor. 
Each story I heard had a common theme that I believe is the hallmark of a Christian father.  It doesn't matter how it is brought about, but nobility is usually measured in a man making sacrifices for their children.  Again, I never want to diminish the role of a mother, nor do I think men have cornered the market on parental sacrifice.  HOWEVER, the sacrifices of a father are rarely recognized by the children while they are still living at home.  This lack of recognition is largely due to a lack of communication, and a desire to be humble.  Very few men will sit down with their children and say; the reason I'm gone all the time is because I'm working two jobs in order to give my family the best things I can give you.  Even if you tried that thought process, a child would tell you that they don't need the best things in life, they just want you.  (later, when they become teenagers, this isn't true.  I know!) The fine balance between providing time for the children, and providing things becomes harder for fathers who are in public service careers.  Soldiers, policemen, firemen, doctors, nurses, pastors, teachers, and a whole host of public service careers demand that the parent be available 24/7.  Sometimes this availability can mean long separations from your child.  (Think soldiers in continuing deployments to the Middle East since 1990's)  Young children don't understand commitment, dedication, or self-sacrifice because they (we) are genetically wired for self-preservation.  It takes years of social education to turn a child from being self-absorbed into a citizen of this world.  It amazes me how the christian community has failed to explain what these qualities look like in the lives of every day men.  Oh, we're good at telling bible stories about great men of faith, and inspiring children to believe that only special men chosen by God can do mighty things.  All to often, Sunday School teachers fail to point out the men in their own fellowships who sacrifice their time, their talents, and their money to further the Kingdom of God.  For instance, in our own fellowship, I'm inspired by the men who go year after year to Nicaragua to minister, and who give selflessly to the dozen or so 'outreach ministries' we sponsor.  All of this is done with an eye toward being the best husbands, and fathers they can be.  Our sons, and daughters need to be aware of what this kind of sacrifice looks like. If we honor this kind of dedication, it will stir a desire to follow in their father's footsteps.  I'm tired of fictional superheroes, or video game heroes being the role models for our youth.  Television has destroyed the nobility of men by glorifying the 'anti-hero', or making dark heroes who have no noble character within them other than the super power they have.  Crooked cops, shifty lawyers, and sexually addicted clergy are EASY depictions, like cardboard stereotypes that are not the norm.  Yet, they make for 'adult' viewing because they supposedly depict the truth of real life.  The truth is;  millions of men go to work 10 to 12 hours a day, enduring physical discomfort, continuing pain from abusing their bodies, separation from the ones they love, and very little appreciation from those who employ them, simply to provide for their family.  This happens around the world!  It isn't an American issue.  So we create 'superheroes' who have special abilities above the common man, and then we forget about the super sacrifices that ordinary men make every day.  I enjoy a good tale of super heroes as much as anyone, but I resent the glorification of these fake heroes at the cost of telling the truth about fatherhood.  Fatherhood is a noble endeavor.
Why am I saying this?  Because, as each story was told last Sunday the same theme came to light, no matter what noble trait was expressed.  What was that theme?  Sacrifice!!!  When we are children, even into our teen years, we don't understand selflessness, and sacrifice.  I think this is because we have a duality of existence as Christian parents.  We want to be great men of faith, mighty men of valor, and servants of the most high God.  We live with one foot in eternity, and the other foot in our present moment.  Time is the greatest, and only gift we have to give to our families.  I truly believe that as Christians, we don't know how to make time make sense to our children.  We teach eternity, but we don't teach how important this short time we are on earth is to the eternity we embrace.  I believe that failure makes it hard in western cultures to cause children to value (honor) their parents beyond what their parents give them.  We conflate love with respect (fear.)  The cycle of brokenness, continues to feed every generation. Misunderstanding, and disappointment will go on into future generations until we start to teach the truth of time being the most valuable gift we can give.  I can say that, because I had hoped to stop the cycle in my own life, and failed.  At 65 years old, I can look back and see that the things that were important to me as a young father, no longer matter.  I promised myself when I was a teenager that I would give more time to my children than my Dad gave to me.  Didn't happen!  I have nothing more now, than I had then, and I have far less time than I did then. One of my childhood misunderstandings was that my father didn't love me as much as my mother did, because he didn't give time to me.  Other things, and people SEEMED to be more important than me.  As I said in last weeks blog, the truth didn't become obvious to me until much later. You mix in the conflict between a mother's need for a perfect nest with which to raise her babies, and a man's need for respect, and honor from his peers, and in the end a child will be left to feel slighted. 
In every story related last Sunday, the basic theme was the same; the father was doing things for the good of the family behind the scenes that the son had no knowledge of until much later.  The sad part of this is, that the resentment is allowed to fester
If you'll bear with me for just a few more lines, let me share the story of one of the great men of God we are all told about from a child.  From all accounts, this man was an ornery child, or at least that is what his brothers thought, and said about him.  He was cocky, self-assured, highly talented, and for some unexplained reason favored above his brothers.  He did mighty exploits of faith, living to serve an undeserving king, and finally being made a king himself.  If we were to list his best qualities, they would make a world class resume for employment by a major corporation.  He was courageous, daring, shrewd, devoted, loyal, godly, and a leader of great men.  He could have been a rock star in today's world, having written numerous songs.  Yet, King David was a failed father.  His son Absalom was a vain, self absorbed youth who sought to destroy his own father.  The same father who inspired men to follow him for over eighteen years, failed to secure his own son.  The greatness we attribute to David because God attributed it to him, is the same quality that made him an enemy to his son. David's willingness to do whatever God commanded, was not what Absalom needed. 
It didn't help that king David didn't have the support of his wife Maacah.  She was a princess from Geshur, and probably a priestess of her religion. (She was not a Jewess.)  This will be one of the few exhortation/admonishments directed toward women.  If you aren't explaining your husbands work ethic, and how it relates to a child's perception to how much they are loved, you are setting that child up for resentment later when the child is a teen. 
The greatest men of God will often sacrifice family for devotion to God's purposes.  The hardest thing for any humble man to do, is to sit down with their child and explain to them why they are gone 10 and 12 hours a day.  From the time a child is a toddler, till they are a teen, time is the measure of love.  Our western society has done that.  King David was a flawed man, given a weighty task, as well as being a father.  For all of his intimacy with God, David was probably not an intimate father.  I still believe David was a noble man, just as I believe that most Christian fathers are flawed men seeking to be the best father they can be.  Noble traits can be hidden by the cares of this life.  There is a way around this and we'll look into it in later lessons. 

A NOBLE MAN'S TALE

This week I've asked the men of our fellowship to share an anecdote about a father who exemplified the nobility of fatherhood.  This coming Sunday we will sit down, and share these stories with an eye toward putting flesh on the idea of the nobility we seek to engender.   To make time for everyone else to tell their stories, I've decided to publish mine in the blog.
I've known, seen, and experienced many good men throughout my 65 years of living.  Of course, the man who has influenced me the most is my own father.  He has been a hard act to follow.  Growing up in the very large border city of El Paso, Texas, I was always amazed at how many people knew my father.  His reputation for dependability, tireless work ethic, and outright goodness gave me something to strive for as I grew into young adulthood.  Much of what my Dad did as a father I didn't understand until later in life.  Some of my youthful complaints about my father were rendered moot as I experienced my own fatherhood.  Sadly, we don't often honor or speak to the role our father's played in our lives until they are dead.  We eulogize them during a memorial service, shed a tear, and then as time passes we wish they were there to talk to.
Thankfully, my father is still with me.  At 84 going on eighty five, he is still strong as an ox, though a little less sure in his step.  He cries a little more easily than I remember as a youth, but he's still pretty much the same man I knew in my youth.
My Dad is a hard working man.  Sitting still isn't part of his nature.  When I was a child, I didn't understand these things.  His work ethic which was applauded by those adults who knew him, were difficult for a little boy to wrap his head around.  All I knew was that he wasn't around much.  When he was home, he was...busy.  I remember one year in particular when he would leave at seven in the morning, and not get home until seven at night, or sometimes even 9 at night.  This seemed to last through the year, and I kept hoping he would come home and be with us.
My friends loved him, which made it hard for me to complain. Then came the Christmas of my tenth year; that morning there were two 'stallion' bicycles parked next to the tree.  They were the ultimate of cool with banana seats, sissy bars, high rise handlebars, rear reflectors.  For the first time in my childhood, I had a bicycle that I didn't have to have blocks added to the pedals.  Santa Claus was awesome that year.  Still, I was unhappy because my Dad didn't spend time with me like other kid's daddy's.  I whined to my Mom, and she would just say: Your Daddy loves you more than you know.  Or she would give me the enigmatic; Your Dad shows his love in a different way.
Much later, I learned that my Dad was moonlighting doing mobile home repairs on the side for nearly three years as he tried to buy the things us boys would mention as our Christmas gifts.  I also know that my mother got a fancy organ with Leslie speaker, and when I was thirteen my Dad came home with a motorcycle for me.  His sacrifice was never explained, and he's never mentioned it.  I had to find out from his boss, and co-workers that he worked the extra jobs to buy us the gifts we desired.  Mom never told me, so I guess he'd sworn her to secrecy.
My point to all of this, is that you will rarely see the nobility of a father until much later when you try to emulate them.  I've never attained to the level of self-sacrifice that my father gave.  It is only much later that I've been able to figure it all out.  I try every once in a while to live up to his example, but then he will completely exceed me.
Let me explain with an example.  My daughter is a Registered Nurse (yes, I'm a proud papa) and one day while jogging, she had her car broken into, and her nurses bag with a very expensive stethoscope and a few other things were in it.  I told my Dad about it one Saturday morning not long ago, and didn't think a thing about it until this Saturday morning when he asked me how much her Stethoscope cost.  He said he'd heard they were upwards of $500 dollars, and he wanted to buy her one.  This is my Dad.  He isn't as vocal as me.  He doesn't write lessons like I do, he lives them.  He builds, he buys, he gives without giving words to his love, or expecting words in return.  This is the nobility of my father.  I've known many great fathers who've loved their children and lived the noble endeavor of fatherhood.  My father is one of those rough noble men who may not be polished or refined, but live a life of nobility in deed and action. 

THE NOBLE FATHER

Of all the things I’ve done in nearly sixty five years on this earth, being a father has brought me the greatest joy.  You’ll notice that I didn’t say it is the greatest thing I’ve done, that’s because I was ill prepared to be a father. I was too injured, self absorbed, and too broken to even be a good father let alone a good Christian father.  Because you guys love me as a brother in the Lord, and you’ve only known me at this stage of my life, you would try to argue with me, and try to assure me that I did just fine. I’d appreciate it, and I would agree that I did just fine, but I could have risen to the excellence of the men I see around me. I don’t believe in regrets, because you can’t go back and do anything over.  Actually regrets are just a way to say you’ve learned a lot since you were that stupid.  It’s a way of saying you are sorry without really being sorry. I wasn’t the best father.  Believe me, I’m not bitter in my self assessment. I take responsibility for my failures, and at the same time, I am grateful for those nudges toward nobility by Holy Spirit over the years. I look at our current crop of children in our fellowship, and I’m so hopeful.  

So, I’ll say it again, there is nothing in this world like being a father!  It is not my intention in any way to diminish, or negate motherhood, but as a Men’s pastor talking to a bunch of men, you guys are my focus. Fatherhood is a noble endeavor, with heroic consequences. While someone may be considered a hero for saving people from burning buildings, or giving their life for a fellow soldier on the battlefield, fatherhood requires heroics on a daily basis.  Even the mightiest superheroes of comic books, and the movies have nothing on fathers.  Fathers put their lives on the line daily for their children, without the benefit of superpowers.  Fathers must exercise  quick judgment, infinite patience, wisdom, strength, and endurance without any superpowers. This is why I believe the role of a father is one of the most noble things a man can do, and being a Christian father takes fatherhood to a completely different level.

You might ask why I use the word noble to describe fatherhood, and that would be a fair question. Noah Webster’s 1828 describes the adjective of “noble” as Great; elevated; dignified; being above every thing that can dishonor reputation; as a noble mind; a noble courage; noble deeds of valor. Sadly, the role of the father in American society is changing.  Deliberate, mindful fatherhood, with an eye toward fulfilling the charge of raising children to become contributing members of society is not as revered as it once was.  The seriousness with which you embrace fatherhood will determine whether you view it as a noble endeavor, or as a chore.  Very few men will embrace the idea of fatherhood being a great endeavor, because most of the time it is simply the outcome of being a husband enjoying his wife.  BUT, there is a clear difference between being the father of a child and being a father to a child. Being ‘the father’ of a child is the result of engaging in a reproductive act with a woman.  With the conditions being right, and both parties fully capable of procreation, another human being will be the result. Ta da!  Voila!  You have just created another...person, and become the father in one fell swoop.  Without societal pressure to repress your ‘sexual’ urges, you could theoretically be ‘the father’ of unlimited amounts of human beings.  Being ‘a father’ is a different matter from just being the father.  A father who views his newfound status in life with humility will realize the weight of the task ahead, and embrace it with the knowledge that he is answerable to a higher authority.  ‘A father’ accepts responsibility for his reproductive act, and chooses to be personally involved in the development (raising) of his creation.  A father refuses to abandon the woman who bore his child.  Simply put, the father accepts the consequences of his sexual urges, usually in the context of ‘marriage,’ and this in turn elevates him to a status above the fray.  However, before someone thinks I’m advocating an all or nothing view, let it be known that I believe being ‘the father’ is better than no father at all.  

Being ‘a father’ is a noble act because it requires self control, selflessness, and virtue beyond just simply living for yourself. That is why I don’t celebrate or extol the idea that fathers in the past were somehow better than fathers of today. After World War 2, fatherhood had its golden era here in the United States. Television glorified the role of father, because we knew the sacrifices they’d made during the war. Inversely, there was a time before WWII when children were viewed as nothing more than slaves, or tools to get things done. Thankfully we enjoy a more enlightened view of fatherhood today.  Not only does ‘a father’ commit his life to the ‘mother’ of his child, but he commits himself to the life he’s helped to create. Husband, and wife join together with God as creative forces.  This dignifies the office of father, lifting it up above anything that can bring dishonor or shame.  Sometimes being a father entails delaying or abandoning personal goals established long before you became a father.  Because we’re Christian men, with christian morals, I will state the obvious for our fellowship; sometimes, being ‘a father’ means abandoning the search for the ‘perfect’ life partner because you stepped outside of the christian principal of sexual conduct.  Back ‘in the day’ it used to be called ‘doing the right thing.’  That is the difference between being ‘the father’, and ‘a father’.  

There is nothing new about this generation’s fixations with sexual liberty, and despite what we may think, promiscuity is no more prevalent today than it was in generation two.  We were created to reproduce, and we do it well.  God intended the reproduction to be between two loving people, but it isn’t always so.  The only difference between ages past and today, is that we now have the means to prevent (to a certain degree) the reproductive function, allowing for more casual sexual encounters.  In other words, outside of the threat of sexually transmitted diseases, men can enjoy many partners without the fear of becoming ‘the father’ of another human being.  Sex without consequence is a lie.  When an accidental child occurs, society now bears the brunt of the casual act of selfishness.  We either condone the aborting of the child, or we put the child up for adoption.  Society’s answers are never as perfect as God’s.  Being ‘A father’ is God’s idea, He wanted children, therefore He made us. (Deuteronomy 32:6)   This knowledge should be at the core of every child’s raising.  It takes away the idea that anyone is an accident.  It also elevates the power of adoption.  

My belief in the nobility, and value  of Christian fatherhood is supported by insurmountable evidence that active, and engaged fathers are necessary to the emotional, physical, and intellectual development of children. More so, I believe spiritually minded fathers are an added blessing beyond just being a  good father.  When spiritually minded men actively guide and direct their children toward adulthood, we will help create respectful, loving, and selfless citizens for the future.  Fathers, especially Christian fathers are a major force for good in any society.  I happen to believe that Christian fathers can model a far better solution to social issues, than the institutional system being touted by progressives.  While I understand the mantra of the left, that “it takes a village”, I can tell you clearly that a village begins with a mother and a father first.  

As this study moves forward we’ll try to define what Christian fatherhood should look like.  We’ll invest ourselves in practical applications.   I truly believe that God has brought us to this point to create a new generation of believers, light years beyond our own understanding.  Our tiny little city needs God centered young people to move the Kingdom of God forward to a new generation.  I believe we’ve been given the privilege of teaching our children how to be  the heart of God, beating with true love, and pulsing with compassion.  Just as our children have seen the nobility of God in us, they will take Christian fatherhood to the next level of noble pursuit.  If not, our great nation will crumble, and we will join the ranks of other failed nation states.  That is how powerful fatherhood is.  

CHRISTIAN FATHERHOOD

DISCLAIMER:

For anyone who might stumble upon this blog without being a part of our faith fellowship, we make no apologies for our biblical view of manhood.  I am writing these lessons as blogs for our men’s bible study group in an effort to save paper.  If you happen upon this blog, you don’t have to read this. Without a history as a member of our fellowship, this study will not mean anything.  As a matter of kindness to those who do not hold the time tested values of the scriptures as sacred, we stand firm upon the morals, and values we’ve received through study, and prayer.  We won’t take you to court for not believing as we do, and we won’t berate your life choices when they are opposed to the Word of God.  Tolerance is a two way street, not a one way avenue.  If you are easily offended by Christian values, or discussions of traditional male family roles, you will be offended.  DONT READ ANY FURTHER.  The only  reason for using this blog site is to save making copies of our lessons on paper, which I’ve done for over 12 years and will do again if need be.  Should the machine at Google find this offensive and prevent me from posting, it will be of no concern to me.  None of us are haters, nor do we inject ourselves into the lives or activities of people we disagree with.  Tolerance has always been the foundation of our nation, and is the reason we’ve been able to have a republic for so long.  I ask simply that respect and honor be given to our constitutionally guaranteed rights of religious expression, even as I have attempted to honor and tolerate those with differing views than us.  So, with the public disclaimer out of the way, we’ll begin our study.

A FATHER’S CHARGE

This is a personal note from me to all my beloved brothers in the Lord at Real Ministries.  We’ve been together now as a fellowship for nearly twenty years.  For some of us, we’ve known ‘of’ each other for over 25 years.  In that time, you’ve allowed me to teach, share, and be a part of your lives in a way I’ve never done before in over fifty years of Christian living.  I’ve had the privilege to be taught of you, and your sons.  We’ve loved, joked, ate, drank coffee, gone on mission trips, and formed lasting relationships that will transcend time.  You’ve seen my failures, my successes, and still been supportive in ways I never thought would happen.  For that, I thank you.  This study into Christian fatherhood was sparked by a comment from Radio Host, Dennis Praeger.  He was discussing the mass killings in Las Vegas, more specifically the shooters mental condition.  He made a statement that struck me like a bolt of lightning.  I can’t repeat it verbatim, but the point was that a boy without a father, or heavenly father is free to do anything they want to do.  A young ‘boy’ child needs the physical boundaries of a father to let them know that there is someone stronger, and more imposing.  This thought was emphasized to me later that day when I witnessed a young mother trying to corral two pre-adolescent boys at a local fast food place.  The mother was clearly worn out, and the boys were winning by being persistently annoying, and to some degree aggressive.  I watched a large, elderly man rise up from a nearby booth and come over to the table.  He wasn’t angry, and his face beamed with a knowing smile.  He exchanged pleasantries with the frazzled mother upon which the two boys slipped gleefully from the booth and grabbed his extended hands.  He led the boys to the ordering counter, and along the way I heard numerous admonitions for them to behave, be quiet, and be still.  As one boy attempted to break free to do his own thing, the man quietly said; “If you let go of my hand, I’ll take you back to your mother, and you won’t get anything. Now, what do you want?”  The boy looked into the eyes of the elderly stranger, and with a huge smile said, “Ice cream cone.”   “Then ice cream cone it is.”  said the man as he pulled money from his wallet.  A couple of minutes later he returned the children back to their mother, and returned to his booth.  There is nothing more physically challenging to two little boys, than a very large man.  There is an energy level that is multiplied exponentially with each addition of boyish energy.  The physical presence of a full grown ‘boy’ (a man) is the boundary needed to reduce their tendency to set the world on fire.  Fatherhood is not so much about passing on what you know as it is about setting boundaries to protect children from what they don’t know.  Boundaries are necessary!  A society must have boundaries to exist.  Just the physical presence of a father is enough to create a boundary to the boundless energy of a child.  When you couple that presence with wisdom, knowledge, and strength of will, you create a healthy place for a child to grow up in.

As some of you know, sometimes I find truths in odd places.  I was reading in 1st Timothy for a different study when this scripture hit me.  Yes, I’m changing the wording, but that is because I kept hearing the scripture as a challenge to fathers.  So, this is how we’re going to start our study of how to be a Christian father.  It is from 1st Timothy chapter 4 starting at verse 11.  Yes, I'm taking great license with it. 

Fathers, teach these things and insist that your children learn them.  Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young.  Be an example to your children in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.  Focus on reading the Scriptures to your children, encourage them, and teach them.  Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received through the prophecies spoken over you, when the elders of the church laid their hands on you.  Give your complete attention to being a father.  Throw yourself into this task so that your children will see the Heavenly Father in you.  Keep a close watch on how you live, and how you teach your children, because they are watching you.  Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation, and the salvation of your children.  

You'll notice that teaching is mentioned three times!!  As we go through this study, I want to encourage those of you, who like myself, have raised your children to adulthood, and are facing an empty home to do just that.  TEACH!!  Your job isn’t over, you still have a charge from the Lord to continue being a father even after they become adults. I want you ‘grandfathers’ to feel free to give advice, tips, and experiences as this study unfolds.  This could be a time to resolve long standing issues, and set your life at ease.  At the same time, I want to encourage all of you who are just beginning to be a father, the job is fun, and is the greatest thing you'll ever do.  Seek the advice, and leadership of those who have already walked the path, or are on the path with you. For those of you who are in the middle of your child rearing process, you can make mid-course corrections to become a better father.  It is never too late.  A few apologies to your children, coupled with promises to do better can help reset the dialogue when things have gone south.  As Holy Spirit revealed my mistakes of the past, I’ve often gone to my children and begged their forgiveness.  As the Apostle Paul once said of his walk with Christ, I don’t consider myself as having arrived at perfection.  A matter of fact, I don’t even know what it looks like anymore, and am convinced that what I thought was perfection was an illusion of my own creation.  Fatherhood is not something you arrive at, but is something you do, constantly, and with intent.  For those of you who remain yet unmarried, and therefore a father in the making, this study should prepare you for that task.  Take copious notes, listen to those who’ve gone before you, and make lists of what you want to do.  I know that I’ve learned many things from all of you, and therefore I know you can learn from one another.  The following lessons are intended to get you thinking about fatherhood in a more purposeful way.

This is my charge to all of you;  Fatherhood never ends, be the best one you can be.