Mid Week Tune Up: THE EXCHANGE

I'm a big fan of the PBS series "Antiques Roadshow."   I think it's appeal for me is the idea of hidden treasure, and the surprise of worth. My favorite moments, are the ones where the person brings an item they've found at a garage sale or thrift store, only to find out that their purchase is worth thousands of dollars. The look on the person's face as they discover the value of the item is priceless.  I'm sure that if I'd seen the same item, I would have never even bothered with it.  On the other side of the show, are the people who bring family heirlooms in, hoping to gain an insurance value on the item or items.  In a way it's perverse to me.  I keep wondering if they are really only looking to find out it's value or if they are hoping to sell it.  I enjoy the history that is brought out by the evaluators, but there is something that makes me uneasy about selling a family heirloom.  Which brings me to my Grandmother's Anniversary clock.

As my grandmother began to slip into her late nineties, it became apparent she didn't have long to live.  Her memory had long faded.  I didn't want any of her money, it belonged to my aunt and uncle who'd sheltered her, and nursed her for forty years.  There was only one thing of hers that I'd ever wanted.  The magical, ever spinning, glass domed, Anniversary clock.  From the time I was a toddler, it mystified me. Here was this spinning pendulum dangling by a thin ribbon of metal, dancing endlessly, forever.  It didn't click, it didn't chime, it didn't do anything, but spin and send reflected shafts of golden sunlight throughout her living room.
"How does it do that?"  I would wonder.  I've always been one to disassemble things to discover how they work, but this clock, sheltered within the force field of it's glass dome, was sacred.  My grandmother held nothing sacred from us boys, so it wasn't for fear of her that I avoided disassembling it.  Somehow, I knew that it's workings were beyond my knowing. There were forces at work here that I couldn't discern by breaking it down into it's respective parts.  Somehow, that amazing thread of metal that held the spinning balls suspended above the bottom plate, possessed a magic beyond my knowing.
Before my Grandmother passed, I asked my aunt if I could have it.  I was in my late forties and the mystery still remained for me.  It was the only thing of hers I wanted.  It's magic still amazed me and still does to this day.

What does this have to do with our study into leading as a bondservant?  Everything!  It isn't the item that gives a person worth, but the person who values it.  The same is true with us in our marriages.  The same is true with our relationship with God.  God's estimation of our worth is far greater than we could ever assign to ourselves.  God loved us so much, he gave his only Son, that we might have eternal life.  It's an unfair exchange much like you see on the Antiques Roadshow.  He sees in us a worth far beyond what we can see in ourselves.  He has promised to love us, provide for us, and protect us. We aren't the yard sale treasure or thrift shop find, we are the priceless heirloom he has cherished and hidden away in him.  Our insurance worth, was the cost of his Son, but our true worth is priceless to him. We as humans can only measure his love for us by the gift of his Son, but it is more than that.  He esteems us more highly than we esteem ourselves.  He has become a bondservant to us.  Hearkening to our cry and meeting our every need.  We breathe, because he values us.  The ultimate bondservant asks us to imitate him.

So, I have to ask all you men, have you stood before you wife and said to her:  "I love you, my master, I will not go out free."  Have you given up your life for her?  It's a tough thing to do, to give up your place as "man of the house," "king of the castle," "chief tie-breaker,"  and other titles of position. Your first human response is to wonder what she'll do for you.  Jesus did the same thing for us.  He left his position in glory, his equality with God, to become the created. Then, he embraced us fully in our humanity and said, "I love you, my master, I will not go out free."  He bound himself to us forever.  He said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

Is it too much for us to give ourselves as bondservants to our Lord?  Is it too much too ask for us to give ourselves for our wives?

What do you value?  If we as men value ourselves above our wives, we've already failed as imitators of Christ.  If we do love them as our master, we gain more than a wife.  We gain true life and worth.  Seems like a fair exchange, don't you think?  

TRUE FREEDOM

Two of our young men returned to college last week, one of them as a newly married man, and the other with a renewed vision for the future. (I could feel the subtle change in the men's study group as we compensated for the absence of both of you.) I'm sure I speak for all of the REAL men, when I pray for you to have another successful year in college. We also look forward to those weekends when you are able to return to us and your families. You are the reason for writing this Blog.

We began studying chapter seven of “Every Man's Marriage.” I have to admit, it was a relief not to have to go into chapter six. By now, you know why.

This chapter is a profound shift in thinking. It is a major rebuttal of the modern American mindset that defines the male role in the family as the king of his castle, lord of his family, and ruler of his wife. That mindset is anti-Christ, and should have never been acceptable in any faith fellowship. Fred hits upon an amazing concept that rivals the idea of “spiritual oneness.” Chapter seven leads into the second half of the book which teaches us “leading as a bondservant.”

At first, it can sound like an oxymoron. How do you lead if you are a servant? The servant leader goes against the American mindset of being free. Actually, it is the perversion of the definition of freedom that makes it hard to understand. In order to confront the perversion head on, we first defined what a “bondservant” is.

We opened with Exodus 21 and read through verse six. It surprised me, how God went from giving the children of Israel the ten commandments and then his first Mitzovt is about the bondservant. You would think he would have made the laws concerning killing another man his first order of business. There has to be a significance to it. From the passage of scripture, we determined that there was parallel to what had just happened to the children of Israel. Four hundred years before, they'd put themselves in bondage to Pharaoh because of a severe drought. God bought them back from Pharaoh, and now they stood before him as a free people. It was no longer the whip and lash that drove them. While they may have forgotten the Covenant God had made with Abraham, God had not. He brought them out to the desert, to set them free. What is the ultimate choice of freedom?

To freely serve.

The picture man paints of servant hood, is of someone selling themselves to another man for the promise of food, shelter, and safety. All of which God says he'll provide if we'll trust him. It is the needs of the flesh that will drive a man to sell himself into the service of another. Hunger and self preservation will make men do drastic things. That is why we can't confuse the slavery of African Americans with the slavery that God addresses. They were kidnapped, chained, and forcibly removed from their homes. The kind of slavery God is addressing is when we willingly sell ourselves into slavery to survive or pay a debt. The fact is, everyone is a slave to someone. It doesn't matter who you are, you are going to serve somebody. I know of men who work 60 to 80 hours a week for a salary. What is the salary? Food, shelter, and safety. We are all sold into slavery. We are slaves to our belly and our selfish desires. That was all the children of Israel had ever known. Up to this point they'd never known any other reason for being a slave until God gave them his purest example. God forbade the Hebrews from owning one another for more than six years. Although I'm not a Hebrew scholar, and I haven't found any proof to back me up, I'm sure it has to do with six being the number of man. It probably also has a lot to do with the fact that God took six days to create the earth. At the end of six years, the slave is given an amazing shot at freedom. HE OWES NOTHING. His debt is paid. Then God does an amazing thing. There is a profound definition of freedom. It is the same picture we see when a man stands as a free man before friends and family at the front of an altar. He places a ring upon the hand of the lovely woman standing before him and says; “I love my Master, I will not go out free.”

WHAT?

That's not what is said.

YES IT IS!

The man comes in to the wedding ceremony a free man. He has all the rights of a free man. He can go wither so ever he will without a thought about it. He can live anyplace that someone will have him. He can do anything he wants. Yet, what is his choice? I will serve you, my bride, my master, because I love you. It is a profound shift in thinking. We are servants of love. Sadly, in today's culture, there is a perversion of marriage into an exchange of services. If the marriage is an exchange of services, it is a prostitution of the worst kind. If somehow in the scheme of things, the man sees himself as ruler of the home, he has returned to being a slave in God's eyes. I know it is a perversion, because I once thought that way. I'd allowed myself to embrace the idea that marriage was an exchange of services, with me being the king of the family. As king, my contribution was defined by what I brought home to the table, fixed, killed (bugs,) opened, or built. They were all things I would naturally do for myself. Nothing had changed. Not once had I looked at my bride as being my master. Not once had I allowed her the freedom to choose me as her master. I demanded it. Not cruelly with physical or verbal abuse, but insidiously with belief and religious ideology. Didn't the bible say we were one flesh? Didn't the bible say her body was mine? I'd twisted and turned the idea of love into a self-serving institution.

Yep, I messed it up.

We looked at God's choices of Servant Leaders, Moses, David, and Jesus. They were true examples of how you can be a leader, and still be a servant at the same time. Marriage is no different than a nation in God's eyes. The Hebrew nation began as a marriage. It is the perversion of the concept of freedom that twists the marriage bed into servitude by both parties. If the woman is looking for the man to be her provision, defender, and source of happiness, she has sold herself into slavery to her flesh. She has entered back into the curse. A home, food, and clothing are not proof of love. The man will work to give himself those things anyway. Sure, as a free man, he may settle for a lot less than he would being married. More people require more space. In being yoked together with the man, she already changes him UP. What is sad to watch, is when the man and the woman delineate the marriage into services provided. One of the saddest statements I've heard is when a woman tells another, that she had to service her man. At that point, I know the marriage has entered into legalized prostitution. She no longer views the man as someone she WANTS to give herself to.

Throughout the morning, there were many wonderful thoughts and observations. I was so enraptured by the direction of the discussion, I failed to take notes. I hate it when that happens. . . . NOT! Actually I'll try and list the highlights.

1. How do we rectify being a slave to Jesus, with being fellow heirs, sons of God, a royal nation, and other descriptions that elevate us beyond being slaves? We didn't get there with the answer, but I can tell you, there is one. NEXT WEEK, I promise it will be good.
2. We tore up the issue of our attitude. Pastor explained how he went from doing things to show his servant leadership, to doing things because he is a servant leader.
3. We have to embrace the knowledge of who and what we are in Christ Jesus. We are bondservants to one another, with our wives being an extension of that same spirit of loving servitude we give to one another. Her's being the greater portion.
4. It is all an attitude of the heart. By leading as a bondservant, we don't do it for what we'll get out of it. We refuse to look at what is in it for us. If we serve our wives for the promise of them being more servile to us, we've already missed the point. If our goal is to have more sex, more gifts, more thoughtfulness, then we've simply slipped back into self love. It is Narcissistic at best.
5. The applications of the servant leader go beyond the marriage. It is how we should be living amongst one another. Ephesians 5:21 is the simple truth of how we should be. “Submit to one out of reverence for Christ.” NLT

Finally, I'd like to let you know that the book “slave” by John MacArthur is available on amazon.com for $12.95. I know you guys have a lot to do in college. Reading another book is probably the last thing you want to do. However, I highly recommend it. Glenda heard the author do an interview on the radio and bought the book. When she was finished, she gave it to me to read. WOW! It is a fantastic book. It's where we've been for the last five or six years. It's not a heavy read. The pastor hasn't made it a must read, but I'm highly suggesting it.

All the men missed you guys. It feels as if part of us is numb. Be blessed this week and look for the mid-week tune up.

En` Christ

Brother Dave.

Mid Week Tune Up : RIDING A BIKE

Young 'Jimmie' was proudly walking along the sidewalk with his hand on the frame of his brand new bicycle and his other hand on the foam cushion on the handlebar. The deep wire basket nestled between the handlebar was filled with a sack full of groceries, as were the baskets on each side of the rear wheel. Jimmie walked quickly, guiding the bicycle through the maze of people and street vendors lining the sidewalk. Occasionally someone would give him an odd stare and Jimmie wondered what was wrong. Having the bicycle made it much easier to carry his groceries from the corner grocery to his apartment about eight blocks away. He was even able to carry twice as many groceries than he could in his arms alone. He blessed God for the man who gave him the bike. His spirit of thanksgiving was interrupted by someone tapping on his shoulder.

“Nice bike!” the stranger said. “I've been following you for about two blocks, why don't you get on it and ride?”

Jimmie narrowed his eyes and cocked his head slightly. “Ride?” he asked.

The stranger's face betrayed his surprise and Jimmie wondered what he'd said.

A half smile soon followed the look of surprise. “Yeah, ride. You get on the seat and ride the bike. You've never rode a bicycle before?”

Jimmie hadn't. He didn't even know what it was for. When the strange man gave it to him, he simply told him that the bike would make it easier for him to get his groceries.

The stranger laughed and patted Jimmie on the shoulder. “I can't believe you've never ridden a bike. Look over there.” the man said, pointing across the corner and down the side street. There was a man riding a bicycle similar to his, wearing a helmet and weaving through the creeping traffic. “That's what you do with a bicycle.”

Jimmie turned around to ask the man if he could show him how, but the man was gone. Jimmie pushed the bike the rest of the way to his apartment and leaned it against the wall of his small living room. His joy at owning the bicycle was diminished now. It had greater potential than just being a means of hauling groceries, it could help him get to other places quicker and with greater ease than walking. He would have to learn how to ride a bike.

The next morning, he knocked on the door of his elderly friend Daryl. He explained to Daryl about the bicycle, and his encounter with the stranger on the sidewalk. Daryl seemed to hold a chuckle in and followed Jimmie to his apartment.

“How do I ride this?” Jimmie asked.

Daryl explained what the handlebars were for, where you sat, and what the pedals were for. “You get on the bike, push off on one foot, and then push down on the pedal with your opposite foot.” Daryl explained. “You lift your other foot and put it on the other pedal and push it down, you keep pushing the pedals down as they come up and you'll start moving forward.”

“Sounds easy.” Jimmie declared. “Thanks, Daryl.”

The next day Jimmie walked his bicycle to a large open parking lot and sat down on the seat and gripped the handlebars just as Daryl showed him. He pushed off and then pushed the pedal down as he was told. The bicycle immediately nose dived toward the pavement, sending Jimmie tumbling over the handlebars.

SOMETHING WAS WRONG!

Jimmie had done just as Daryl had said. He tried it about seven or eight times, with the same result. Finally, in disgust, he picked himself up and pushed the bicycle toward his apartment. His thankfulness was gone, and he wondered why the man gave him a broken bicycle. Besides being scraped and scratched, Jimmie felt disgust at the new bike. It obviously didn't work. He'd done everything Daryl had said to do. The bike was defective.

As Jimmie lifted the bike along the steps leading to his apartment, he felt like throwing it down and leaving it for the beggars.

“What's wrong, Jimmie?”

Jimmie looked up to see Bobby, a little twelve year old boy from the apartment on the floor above his.

“It's this stupid bike.” Jimmie blurted out. “It doesn't work.”

Bobby walked down the steps and helped Jimmie lift it over the railing. “Looks fine to me.” Bobby said. “That's a Jet Xpress, one of the finest bikes made.”

“It don't work. I get on it, and it just falls over. It won't go anywhere.” Jimmie said.

“Nobody ever taught you how to ride a bike?” Bobby asked.

“I didn't even know what a bike was until some guy told me.”

Bobby laughed and patted Jimmie on his back. “Come on, lets go teach you how to ride.”

Jimmie and Bobby went back to the huge parking lot and Bobby held the bike while Jimmie got on it. Bobby put his hand on the back of the seat and pushed Jimmie forward while helping him keep the bike upright. He ran alongside the bike and explained to Jimmie how to work the pedals and how to steer. He pushed Jimmie in a wide slow circle and let Jimmie feel the bike get balance. Soon without Jimmie even knowing, Bobby had let go and Jimmie was pedaling the bike in a circle all by himself.

Needless to say, Jimmie proudly rode the bicycle home, having mastered how to ride it.

There is a spiritual truth here if you'll see it. I can remember teaching my grandson Elijah how to ride his bike, and how proud I was of him, when he mastered it. I couldn't point to people and say; “Wow, look how well I taught that boy to ride. See how great I am.” No, I joyfully exclaim; “Look at that boy ride.” A true teacher is overjoyed when those they instruct grasp what is being taught and run with it. Teachers are even more fulfilled when the student surpasses them in ability and skill. As parents, aren't we elated when each lesson is mastered? We remember our children's first steps, first words, first time they tied their shoes, latched their buckles, or used the toilet. For the teacher, the joy is in watching those you've taught grasp it, and make their life better.

Over the last five years that I've taught our men's group, I've had the joy of watching the teenagers who came in bleary eyed and grumpy, grow into men of character beyond anything I ever possessed at their age. I know why, and would like to reveal a special truth that will hopefully clear up the reason for my tirade Sunday. In my little parable above, I'm not the one who bought the bike. I'm the tired old man who could only explain how to do it. It's the fathers of each of the boys, who put their hands to the seat of their son's spiritual training and ran alongside them, helping them get their balance. It is they who took what I've said over these last few years and made it real in their lives. I love these men! But, it's more than love, it's a humble recognition that I stand amongst real men, seeking to lead lives of real service to a loving and real God. That is why, in deference to what is said, I will say this. I know a group of men who are not rebellious, who don't have enlarged and fragile egos, whose hearts are sensitive to the needs of their wives and children. I know a group of men who are able to express their emotions without flaring up into angry outbursts, who use more than 'one syllable words' to express their emotions. I know a group of men who listen to their wives and balance their decisions on the discernment and wisdom their wives give them. I know a group of men who have made a covenant with their eyes not to look upon another woman to lust after her. They would open their computers and cell phones to you any day and say; “Look into my life, there is no one for me, but my wife.” They are men of accountability who lead courageous lives of self sacrifice. I know a group of men who take responsibility for maintaining the romance and love relationship with their wives. They take their wives out on dates, weekend anniversary trips, and woo them as they did when they were courting. This group of men are just as romantic and adoring as any woman can claim to be. They give flowers, cards, and special mementos to their wives as reminders of the passion they have for them. They work hard, but not too much. Their jobs aren't shields for insecurity, because they have nothing to feel insecure about. Their children and the children of the other men are a sacred trust they carry with them all the time. They go to one another's functions and celebrate one another's achievements as if they were their own. I know a group of men who encourage their wives to be themselves and to express their essence. There is no fear of one up-man-ship or being eclipsed by the woman, or the children in their life.

I stand in awe of these men and feel great pleasure to be counted among them, even though I myself am not in their league.

That is why Chapter Six angers me. I know men who are following Christ and live lives worthy of the calling to which they've been called. If you ask them if they are all that and a bag of chips, they'd tell you “No, but we're trying to be.”

AND, that is why I love them and will defend them. Can we be better? Yes. Do we fail? Yes. They are followers of Christ. They are following the Way. They are REAL.

Gasping For Air

Yesterday's Men's group was pretty much a tirade by me about how much I dislike chapter six of Every Man's Marriage.  I knew heading into it, I couldn't teach it. The problem is, I didn't want to hand it over to someone else to teach, because I didn't want it taught.  Not the way it was presented.  Two years ago when I first read the book, I had to put it down when I reached chapter six.  I let it sit on my desktop at the church for over eight months, while I worked out my feelings.  
I couldn't figure out where Fred went with this chapter. I'd been with him up to this point and could easily identify with many of the examples he'd brought forth.  Then he began to heap all these cliche and empty stereotypes on all men.  It made me feel as if I'd been forced to endure unending episodes of the Oprah show, not the good shows, but the ones where she spent the whole show bashing men.  The ones where she would stereotype men and then snicker with her guest.  I felt as if I were gasping for air. It brought me back to a memory of when I was about twelve and my cousins took me to Wentz pool in Ponca City, Oklahoma. One of my cousins who was much older than I, thought it would be great fun to play 'dunk a cuz' with me.  Problem was, he wasn't paying attention to the fact that I wasn't getting enough time to breath between his persistent dunkings.  In desperation, I sent a foot into his groin.  Gasping and spitting water, I left the pool and never enjoyed swimming again. That's the way I felt in chapter six.  Sure, there are many good points and even some truths to what he said, but he made them apply to all men.  More specifically, he made all men own them. Leaving the poor suffering, unselfish, victimized mass of womanhood completely out of the picture.  (Yes, I'm being satirical)  He makes one, one sentence nod to men and women both being imperfect.  Oprah had nothing on Fred.  She could have used his info and built a show around it.
Sooooooo...... Next week we're moving on to chapter seven and the rest of the book, which is excellent and can help all of us to become better husbands.  Which is what all good teaching should do, improve, not drown. Which is the problem with most teachers, pastors, and to some degree prophets.  We find it easier to bash people in the head and point out their faults than leading them around their faults.  It's the nature of the beast, but I doesn't have to be.  Those who avoid this habit, lead people to a higher plane, like 2nd Peter chapter 1 verse 3.  'God has given us everything we need for life and godliness. . . .:"   We just have to keep adding in the ingredients until it makes the cake.

MID WEEK TUNE-UP

I hope you spent the time to look at the Blog for our mens study.  I will try to put two blogs up a week, one on Sunday to recount what happened in our Men's study, and one mid-week to provide fodder for the upcoming meeting.  I've spent the entire day in my office at the church, and certain parts of my anatomy are screaming right now. It doesn't help that my legs don't reach the ground and if I slide back into the seat of the chair, they stick out like a little kid sitting in a car seat.  Such are the issues of being vertically challenged.  Then again, I always bless G-d that I've never slammed my head against the top of the doorway.  Everything has it's advantages and disadvantages.
I've been so busy this summer, I haven't had time to write a blog like I'd been doing.  It felt good today to put the finishing touches to this one.
I'd like to thank Bro. Charles for showing me what to do.  What a blessing you are!  
Speaking of Bro. Charles, he has a companion Blog that I believe will give an entirely different perspective to the Men's study.  It is very professional looking and less chatty than mine.  Between the two of us, I think even our wives will be able to figure out what we're up to.
For the young men preparing to go away to college, I hope you will take the time to become familiar with these blogs and begin reading them now.  When you come back on the occasional weekends, you will be in step with us and know exactly where we are.  It will also help you to continue to grow as we are growing.
Between Bro. Charles and I, we've included the books we're reading, the websites we recommend, and events happening around us.  I intend to have the weeks bible reading on Wednesday for our brothers in Nicaragua to be able to follow along with us.  If you follow this blog, you are linked with more than just the men in our local faith family.  There will be men in Nicaragua who can link with us.  WOW!
I'm also going to make a plea to all the men in our faith family to join in with us and come to the Men's study on Sunday mornings.  We need you, your input, and your spirit.
There is a lot happening around town this weekend that we need to pray about.  There is a biker rally happening on the soccer field along the creek this weekend.  Having attended the Aspencade rally in Ruidoso, New Mexico for many years, I know what can happen at these things.  I've already seen a lot of Christian Motorcyclist Association vests on some of the bikers who've arrived early.  It is my hope and prayer, that they will be able to bring a touch of civility to what can become a nasty situation.
Bro. Eugene Saul will be speaking Sunday morning about his trip to Kenya, and we will be having our monthly fellowship dinner.  The theme is Italian.
I'd like to remind all the men about Thursday evening prayer.  With all that is happening, this would be a great time to pray.
You'll need to read Chapter 6 of Every Man's Marriage before Sunday.  
BIBLE READING:  Thursday        8/18   Acts 26 and 27
                                 Friday           8/19   Acts 28 and Romans 1
                                 Saturday       8/20  Rom 2 and 3
                                 Sunday         8/21  Rom 4 and 5
                                 Monday        8/22   Rom 6 and 7
                                 Tuesday        8/23   Rom 8 and 9
                                 Wednesday   8/24  Rom 10 and 11
Be sure and read your one chapter of Proverbs every day.  It will make you wiser and better looking.  Okay, maybe just wise and wiser looking.  

The Silent Treatment

 One of my favorite things to see in my Christian walk, is when the Holy Spirit takes over and teaches.  As the Men’s pastor here at Real Ministries, I enjoyed this Sunday’s study and especially the way the Holy Spirit took the reins.  What happened can’t be drummed up, manipulated, or choreographed. 

As many of you know from Bro. Charles Summer’s blog, I left everyone homework the week before, to answer the question: “What is the first indicator that you’ve lost ‘spiritual oneness’ with your spouse.” 

Before the study began, I already expected the answer to be “silence.” 

Why not?

The silent treatment is one of the oldest techniques for showing our displeasure. It is one of the first things we are taught as children.  As children, our natural reaction to injury or denial is to cry or scream.  Temper tantrums are not the exception they are the rule.  It is society that teaches us to suppress our angry outbursts and reduce them to a less volatile level. As the father of three, I can tell you for a fact, that there is nothing more ear shattering or grating than the high-pitched wail of a child.  As children we also quickly learn that nothing frustrates our parents easier than to cross our arms and bull up. (Pouting)  Needless to say, I expected ‘silence’ to be the #1 indicator of a spiritual break.

Once we’d opened with prayer, I asked the question.  I was quickly rewarded with a couple of expected nods to ‘silence.’  GOOD!  Then, it came.  Bro. Jim leaned forward and said softly, “When we can’t pray together.” 

EUREKA!   Fist pump, and a spiritual “YES!” 

We’re not talking about carnal marriages within this group of men.  I have the pleasure of teaching men who could just as easily be teaching me.  We have teenage boys in our men’s group who can teach any one of us. We’re talking about wives who’ve moved beyond simply going to church and making sure the kids go to church.  The husbands and wives who attend our faith fellowship have been engaged in an epic journey toward the divine nature.  I’d hoped for more than the typical Sunday School answer and I got it.  THANK  YOU HOLY SPIRIT.  

For the truly spiritual couple, one of the first signs you’ve violated spiritual oneness would have to be the inability to approach the throne of grace together.  Why do I say that?  In as much as possible, the Spirit led couple will begin their day with prayer together or at least find some way to pray together. One of the first ways Satan will attack a Christian home is by twisting their schedule so that you can’t pray together. Praying together establishes oneness, and it is a sure sign of injury when you can’t pray for the one you are ‘one’ with.  Your prayers are ineffective because her soul is wounded and your words are empty and hollow.  The Apostle Peter even admonished the early believers that God didn’t hear their prayers if they’d injured their wives. 

From this point, the Holy Spirit led me to read from an article from one of my “favorite websites.”  The article is called “The Sanctity of our Words”  by John J. Parsons.  John teaches how our words are things and that they are the breath of God.  If we follow this thought process through to its logical conclusion, we have to ask ourselves, how can we in one breath speak life and peace to our spouses through prayer, and in the next breath stone her with the words we speak?  Jesus said that good and bad water can’t come from the same place.  Our spouses can’t step into the throne room of grace with us if they are bleeding and battered by the things we’ve thrown at them. 

This line of thought led us to the second most exciting revelation of the morning from our Bro. Aaron.  We were discussing the axiom that “what is inside us will spill out.”  It was the foundation of Jesus teaching.  What is in our heart is what will spew out of our mouths.  Jesus didn’t need to be the Son of God to know the spiritual leaders of the day were jealous and envious of him.  All they had to do was open their mouths.  It is a common sense axiom. That is, until the Holy Spirit teaches us a marvelous truth to lay hold of through our Bro. Aaron.  “Our words can affect the way we think and the attitude of our heart.” 

HUH?   Don’t you have to think first before you speak?   Doesn’t everything we say spring up from a well in our minds?  Our attitude and opinions are going to shape our words.  That’s what the scriptures teach.  

Except, if we are being led by the Holy Spirit.

If we are being led by the Holy Spirit, our words are not of ourselves.  They are light and life to our soul.  If we engage the Holy Spirit in our intimate discussions with our spouses, the words He speaks through us can only build up the spiritual oneness between a husband and wife.  If you carry this though to its logical conclusion, you see that this truth is evident in carnal relationships and even in ‘Christian’ relationships. 

If a man loses his temper and screams profanities at his wife and children, he doesn’t mean the words he says.  In one instant, in a fit of anger, he has screamed Satan’s vile hatred of mankind toward his family.  A man who loves his wife and children would never compare her to a female dog, nor would he call her a slang term for a part of her anatomy.  He wouldn’t refer to his children as different forms of animals or imply that a toddler have intercourse or was someone who has intercourse with their mother.  No one ever loses their temper, they just give up control of their mind to the spiritual darkness all around us.  What they say, increases their attitude.  Before long, you begin to believe what you say, or at least never let go of the dark thought.  There is no way you can approach the throne of Grace and expect God to reward you with an answer.  You’ve hurled terrible things at your spouse and children.  The way to the heart of God is closed to you.  Don’t get me wrong, he still loves you, always has and always will.  He can’t stop loving you.  It is an impossibility.  You can’t confuse his love for you with acceptance for your behavior.  While he may love you, you are out of relationship with him and he is not going to reward you for bad behavior. 

Now, let’s put the positive light on this.  If you allow the Holy Spirit to lead your life, His words are going to shape your attitude.  His heart is going to grow inside of you and change your attitude.  This is the promise of the Gospel.  This is the prayer of John 17. This is the promise of oneness.  It isn’t from the book we’re reading, it’s not from the Holy Scriptures which point only toward our inadequacy and inability.  It’s the gospel of Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit that allows us to have the proper attitude and relationship with God, our wives, and ultimately with one another. 

That’s why I liked our lesson so much.  It was the Holy Spirit speaking through each and every one of the men, who taught the lesson.  

OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS WE LEARNED YESTERDAY:

Our most tender and intimate moments are when we pray with our spouses. 

Spiritual oneness is possible only through the Spirit of God. 

Words reflect the attitude of our hearts.

Understanding is application:  Once we know something in the spiritual realm, we must act on it.  To not act on it is sin. 

The things we say, whether good or bad, demand a response in the spirit realm.  That is why our words are so important and why they can destroy a marriage so easily.  While none of us condone or would tolerate physical spousal abuse, we have learned that verbal abuse is more lasting, and injurious. 

AS A PERSONAL NOTE: My wife Glenda and I celebrated our 35^th anniversary over this weekend.  Had a marvelous time even if we didn’t go Ziplining.  (Yes, we both wanted to do it.) We rode the Branson Railway, which, I thoroughly enjoyed, and we visited the Titanic museum.  Sunday afternoon, we went to see the local production of “Annie” at the Lyric Theater. (What Glenda wanted.)  We almost didn’t make it, because it was a sold out show.  Thank God for no-shows.  The production was fantastic!  A superb job!  We also went to Nopalitos for supper, which is always a treat for me. 

All said, I had a marvelous time being alone with my bride and enjoying her company.  Our bodies are betraying our love for one another and we can no longer endure long lines, intense heat, or bitter cold.  All of which we experienced this weekend in one way or another.  Still, there is no one else I’d rather sit with on the benches at Branson Landing.  She still captures my heart and renders me breathless.  Although I’m not sure if that wasn’t from the walk from the train to our car at the far end of the Landing parking lot.  

My deepest prayer for all the young men in our men’s group, is that your marriages endure 35 years and you treat your bride better than I did mine.  If I succeed in causing you to do that, it is worth every hour spent in study.  

Getting Down to the Essence

We're still parked in chapter five and creeping along in first gear.  We've been tearing apart the whole "spiritual oneness" thing.  One of the things we've discovered in our study, is that it is hard to be one with someone when you don't know their essence. We've been talking about knowing our wife's essence and working to keep from destroying it with our own.  However, it occurred to me that one of the problems for men is the confusion that comes from not knowing what we want outside of having a woman.  For most of us, we very rarely discover what our own essence is, and if by some miracle we do discover our essence, it usually takes back seat to the much stronger urge for sex and companionship.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that men usually discover what they are and what they want to do en route. Very few men become what they said they wanted to become when they were little boys. 
There are very few little boys who would say: "I want to be a mid-level manager of an investment firm and work in a five by five cubicle all day."  I would dare to say that the cubicle is the furthest thing from what the man dreamed of becoming.  As his dreams die and his hopes for greatness wane, he forgets how he got into the cubicle. He moved beyond the dreams of greatness into the reality of survival and support.  The beautiful ewe lamb that captured his heart and upended his dreams becomes someone who reminds him of his failure. Her eyes which once mesmerized him, now pierce his heart with darts of self doubt and self-loathing.  She may not even know why he is treating her the way he is, but she only knows he isn't the prince charming she thought she was getting.  As the childhood dreams die within both of them, there is this sad waltz that they perform to avoid saying what hurts them and why they both feel so alone.  As his youthful strength and vigor is consumed upon the altar of parenthood, his only island of hope is the momentary pleasures of sex and stolen moments with the woman who was once his only passion.  PROBLEM IS:  By this time, he's forgotten her essence and what she dreamed and longed for.  She is equally disheartened as the man who once worshiped her and made every defference to her essence, now hides or at worst abuses her. 
While I agree with the authors about the fragility of the wife's essence, I also know that a man can't respect his wife's essence until he respects his own. The problem is, the world tells young boys they can do anything they want to do.  That is the furthest thing from the truth. A man can only do what his essence allows him to do. When what we do is in direct conflict with our essence, we are at war with ourselves and ultimately with those around us. Compromise for the sake of love, sex, companionship, money, or power is the soil of despair.  When Jesus was confronted with the pressures of those who would demand he compromise his essence for their own, he would take it to the level where all men should go.  "I do only what the Father tells me to do." 
Jesus is the only one who knows your true essence.  As men, we lose ours along the way and then find ourselves destroying the essence of those who love us and surround us.  It's not willful.  It's a bull in the china closet kind of thing. 
Don't get worried or bent out of shape.  If you are someone who has lost their essence, all you have to do is ask the doe eyed beauty who stole your heart.  Believe me, she remembers what it was.  Just ask her, "What did you like about me before we got married."  That's your essence.  If she's forgotten, Jesus will remind her. 

REAL Men

You've heard em all.  You know what I'm talking about.  The 'Real Men' quips.  YOU KNOW!  "Real men don't cry,"  or how about "Real men aren't afraid to cry."   "Real men don't eat quiche."  "Real men drink their coffee black. . . ."  The list goes on and on.  Anything another man does or doesn't want to do, is given value by the statement: "Real men. . ." 
The problem with the statement is. . . WHAT DOES THE STATEMENT MEAN?  Are there artificial men out there?  Is there some government agency whose job it is to validate real men?  Do you get a certificate stating whether you are a real man or not?  Is there a list of qualifications for being a real man?  Do you have to drive certain cars, play manly sports, or drink manly beverages?  Who decides whether you are a real man or not?  Is it done at birth.  If you come out of the chute less than a man, do you get some kind of stamp on your forehead from the U.S. Department of Manhood stating that you are less than "Grade A Choice Man?"  This could be of national or global importance. What do the hospitals do with the less than 'real' men? 
Is being less than a real man genetic, or is it caused by environment?  Is there a manual for parents to raise real men? 
What about the women of the world?  How do they know whether they are getting a real man or not?  Wouldn't it be a shame for a woman to shave her legs, put on her most tantalizing outfit and discover she is married to a 'fake' man.  I wonder if a woman could suit her husband for being less than a real man?  Is there anybody with the authority to validate your manliness?
Are real men Navy Seals, Special Forces, or other elite military groups?  Is the football field the only place real men hang out?  Are there physical requirements for being a real man?  
Actually, I know some REAL men.  I know about twenty of them.  I know they're REAL men, because they go to REAL Ministries.  I've known most of them for going on 16 years.  I watched some of them grow up from little men to big men, but I can vouch that every one of them are REAL. 
The men of Real Ministries are the ones I'm writing this blog for.  One of the men asked me to do a blog for our young men who are away from home at college.  He hopes it will keep them connected to us and make it easier for them to come into our study when they get a chance to come home.  I thought it was a great idea! 
So, here it is. 
I've been working on this blog for two evenings straight and I still have a long way to go.  This weekend, Glenda and I are celebrating 35 years of wedded something. 
OH COME ON!
I would have loved to have said 'BLISS," but I can't vouch for her. It's been good for me, but then I wasn't always good to her.  BUT, I digress. I wanted to get this up and running tonight, so I wouldn't be working it in my head while working to let Glenda know how happy I am that she didn't leave my rear end at the altar, like her mother and daddy wished she would.  I hope you will all be patient as I work in the necessary elements that will make it more than just a study sheet.  When I'm done, you'll know what we're reading, what we're doing, and where we're going.  For those of you who aren't away at college, it will give you some insight into what I took away from the study group and even prepare you for the next weeks lesson. 
For those of you who are my Facebook friends and followed the link to this blog, I hope you'll FOLLOW this blog and learn with us.  Who knows, maybe you ladies will even get a good idea of what a real man is. 
Disclaimer: 
For the last five years, I've been writing most of our studies.  However, this year we are studying the book "Everyman's Marriage."  by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker.  This has been a laborious and slow study because we want to get it right.  I'm not really keen on getting permissions from the authors, nor do I wish to violate copyright laws.  For that reason, this blog will not have quotes from or mention names from the book aside from what you just read.  Instead, I will be taking the comments made during the study and expanding upon whatever jewel is brought forth.  Believe me, there have been some awesome things brought out during the study.
As to the question I've been asking, the answer is:  "REAL Men love Jesus."  Real men are everywhere.  I haven't seen an artificial man yet.