One of my favorite things to see in my Christian walk, is when the Holy Spirit takes over and teaches. As the Men’s pastor here at Real Ministries, I enjoyed this Sunday’s study and especially the way the Holy Spirit took the reins. What happened can’t be drummed up, manipulated, or choreographed.
As many of you know from Bro. Charles Summer’s blog, I left everyone homework the week before, to answer the question: “What is the first indicator that you’ve lost ‘spiritual oneness’ with your spouse.”
Before the study began, I already expected the answer to be “silence.”
Why not?
The silent treatment is one of the oldest techniques for showing our displeasure. It is one of the first things we are taught as children. As children, our natural reaction to injury or denial is to cry or scream. Temper tantrums are not the exception they are the rule. It is society that teaches us to suppress our angry outbursts and reduce them to a less volatile level. As the father of three, I can tell you for a fact, that there is nothing more ear shattering or grating than the high-pitched wail of a child. As children we also quickly learn that nothing frustrates our parents easier than to cross our arms and bull up. (Pouting) Needless to say, I expected ‘silence’ to be the #1 indicator of a spiritual break.
Once we’d opened with prayer, I asked the question. I was quickly rewarded with a couple of expected nods to ‘silence.’ GOOD! Then, it came. Bro. Jim leaned forward and said softly, “When we can’t pray together.”
EUREKA! Fist pump, and a spiritual “YES!”
We’re not talking about carnal marriages within this group of men. I have the pleasure of teaching men who could just as easily be teaching me. We have teenage boys in our men’s group who can teach any one of us. We’re talking about wives who’ve moved beyond simply going to church and making sure the kids go to church. The husbands and wives who attend our faith fellowship have been engaged in an epic journey toward the divine nature. I’d hoped for more than the typical Sunday School answer and I got it. THANK YOU HOLY SPIRIT.
For the truly spiritual couple, one of the first signs you’ve violated spiritual oneness would have to be the inability to approach the throne of grace together. Why do I say that? In as much as possible, the Spirit led couple will begin their day with prayer together or at least find some way to pray together. One of the first ways Satan will attack a Christian home is by twisting their schedule so that you can’t pray together. Praying together establishes oneness, and it is a sure sign of injury when you can’t pray for the one you are ‘one’ with. Your prayers are ineffective because her soul is wounded and your words are empty and hollow. The Apostle Peter even admonished the early believers that God didn’t hear their prayers if they’d injured their wives.
From this point, the Holy Spirit led me to read from an article from one of my “favorite websites.” The article is called “The Sanctity of our Words” by John J. Parsons. John teaches how our words are things and that they are the breath of God. If we follow this thought process through to its logical conclusion, we have to ask ourselves, how can we in one breath speak life and peace to our spouses through prayer, and in the next breath stone her with the words we speak? Jesus said that good and bad water can’t come from the same place. Our spouses can’t step into the throne room of grace with us if they are bleeding and battered by the things we’ve thrown at them.
This line of thought led us to the second most exciting revelation of the morning from our Bro. Aaron. We were discussing the axiom that “what is inside us will spill out.” It was the foundation of Jesus teaching. What is in our heart is what will spew out of our mouths. Jesus didn’t need to be the Son of God to know the spiritual leaders of the day were jealous and envious of him. All they had to do was open their mouths. It is a common sense axiom. That is, until the Holy Spirit teaches us a marvelous truth to lay hold of through our Bro. Aaron. “Our words can affect the way we think and the attitude of our heart.”
HUH? Don’t you have to think first before you speak? Doesn’t everything we say spring up from a well in our minds? Our attitude and opinions are going to shape our words. That’s what the scriptures teach.
Except, if we are being led by the Holy Spirit.
If we are being led by the Holy Spirit, our words are not of ourselves. They are light and life to our soul. If we engage the Holy Spirit in our intimate discussions with our spouses, the words He speaks through us can only build up the spiritual oneness between a husband and wife. If you carry this though to its logical conclusion, you see that this truth is evident in carnal relationships and even in ‘Christian’ relationships.
If a man loses his temper and screams profanities at his wife and children, he doesn’t mean the words he says. In one instant, in a fit of anger, he has screamed Satan’s vile hatred of mankind toward his family. A man who loves his wife and children would never compare her to a female dog, nor would he call her a slang term for a part of her anatomy. He wouldn’t refer to his children as different forms of animals or imply that a toddler have intercourse or was someone who has intercourse with their mother. No one ever loses their temper, they just give up control of their mind to the spiritual darkness all around us. What they say, increases their attitude. Before long, you begin to believe what you say, or at least never let go of the dark thought. There is no way you can approach the throne of Grace and expect God to reward you with an answer. You’ve hurled terrible things at your spouse and children. The way to the heart of God is closed to you. Don’t get me wrong, he still loves you, always has and always will. He can’t stop loving you. It is an impossibility. You can’t confuse his love for you with acceptance for your behavior. While he may love you, you are out of relationship with him and he is not going to reward you for bad behavior.
Now, let’s put the positive light on this. If you allow the Holy Spirit to lead your life, His words are going to shape your attitude. His heart is going to grow inside of you and change your attitude. This is the promise of the Gospel. This is the prayer of John 17. This is the promise of oneness. It isn’t from the book we’re reading, it’s not from the Holy Scriptures which point only toward our inadequacy and inability. It’s the gospel of Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit that allows us to have the proper attitude and relationship with God, our wives, and ultimately with one another.
That’s why I liked our lesson so much. It was the Holy Spirit speaking through each and every one of the men, who taught the lesson.
OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS WE LEARNED YESTERDAY:
Our most tender and intimate moments are when we pray with our spouses.
Spiritual oneness is possible only through the Spirit of God.
Words reflect the attitude of our hearts.
Understanding is application: Once we know something in the spiritual realm, we must act on it. To not act on it is sin.
The things we say, whether good or bad, demand a response in the spirit realm. That is why our words are so important and why they can destroy a marriage so easily. While none of us condone or would tolerate physical spousal abuse, we have learned that verbal abuse is more lasting, and injurious.
AS A PERSONAL NOTE: My wife Glenda and I celebrated our 35th anniversary over this weekend. Had a marvelous time even if we didn’t go Ziplining. (Yes, we both wanted to do it.) We rode the Branson Railway, which, I thoroughly enjoyed, and we visited the Titanic museum. Sunday afternoon, we went to see the local production of “Annie” at the Lyric Theater. (What Glenda wanted.) We almost didn’t make it, because it was a sold out show. Thank God for no-shows. The production was fantastic! A superb job! We also went to Nopalitos for supper, which is always a treat for me.
All said, I had a marvelous time being alone with my bride and enjoying her company. Our bodies are betraying our love for one another and we can no longer endure long lines, intense heat, or bitter cold. All of which we experienced this weekend in one way or another. Still, there is no one else I’d rather sit with on the benches at Branson Landing. She still captures my heart and renders me breathless. Although I’m not sure if that wasn’t from the walk from the train to our car at the far end of the Landing parking lot.
My deepest prayer for all the young men in our men’s group, is that your marriages endure 35 years and you treat your bride better than I did mine. If I succeed in causing you to do that, it is worth every hour spent in study.
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