OPENING THE GIFT

Not long ago...well, actually it was slightly less than sixteen years ago, Glenda and I went to visit one of our daughters for Christmas. This was exciting for us, because our second grandchild would be celebrating her first Christmas. (She was a newborn the Christmas before.) We all gathered around in the living room of their small home and drank hot chocolate, played Christmas music, and enjoyed the antics of our little granddaughter Lindsey.  The pile of gifts under the tree were almost exclusively for her and we all waited to see her reaction to the gifts. Lindsey was only 14 months old and could barely walk, let alone figure out what to do with the gifts laid out before her.  Her father reached under the tree and pulled out the biggest box and put it in front of her.  Without hesitation she used the beautifully wrapped box to pull herself up, spread her arms, and then flopped over on top of it like it was a bed.  She put her arms around the box and hugged it. Which cracked all of us up.  No amount of coaxing could convince her to tear the paper off of it to reveal what was inside. Finally, in frustration, her father took her hand and started to rip the paper off.  She started crying and flopped back down on the box as if to protect it.  Eventually, she did figure it out. 

When we raise our children in a Pentecostal home, it is easy to assume that a child will know how to 'open' God's gift of 'the' Holy Spirit. As with the idea of salvation, there is a sense that we have to do something to earn it, or deserve it.  The Baptism of Holy Spirit (I've never figured out why we don't say 'Baptism BY Holy Spirit') is a mystery to some people.  It doesn't help that modern Pentecostalism was a lot like my son-in-law trying to teach Lindsey how to tear off the wrapping.  It can be traumatic and leave a newborn Christian with a bad taste in their mouth.  Either, they didn't 'let go' or they didn't 'hold on', or any of a hundred other instructions that were given them as they 'tarried' at the altar.  

There is a lot to be said for being there when someone first speaks in tongues. It is thrilling to those of us who've been baptized for a long time.  It is awesome to see the joy spread over their face, and see the tears flow.  I've waited long hours over young men and women who'd been so overtaken by Holy Spirit that they'd been what we call 'slain in the Spirit.'  It's kind of like my granddaughter laying down on top of her Christmas gift and hugging it.  You know they had a profound experience, but you don't know what it was about.  That is why I believe that as fathers, we have to prepare our children for the one gift that required the death of Jesus to be given.  Salvation is just the beginning!  Actually salvation is the gift box all wrapped up, and the baptism is the unwrapping.  Later, once everything is unpacked, and we understand what the gift is, then we play with what we were given.  

Perhaps the funnest moment for me as a proud spiritual father, was to watch my daughter's best friend Nicole simply say; I want that.  Then without fanfare or much ado, she walked down the aisle the next Sunday morning, raised her hands, and began talking in tongues.  The fellowship erupted in joy, and she has lived her life serving Christ ever since.  

It was simple, and we make it hard.  As we look at the verses from last weeks lesson, it becomes clear that the asking is the most important part.  You can ask, and He will give.  Sometimes it can take a little while because of faith issues, or sadly even shame issues.  Eventually Holy Spirit wins out, and we witness the growth of someone who discovers the gift inside them.  

Let's talk about it this Sunday.  

THE GOOD GIFT

 Our discussion of Sanctification was fairly straightforward, and we ended up in agreement about the work of sanctification, even agreeing on whether it is a one time work, or whether it is an ongoing work.  In that discussion we bounced all around the role of Holy Spirit in the work of sanctification.  Which has set us up to discuss one of the thorniest issues in the church as a whole.  As with anything we discuss, it is important to divulge our own personal baggage that we bring on our trip through the land of spiritual discussion.  

As all of you know, my spiritual heritage is Pentecostalism.  I was raised in the Assemblies of God (AOG), and even held exhorter's papers with them for two years as a young adult.  While I've had many people try to dissuade me of my Pentecostal faith over the years, they were wasting their breath.  Once you've been baptized into (the) Holy Spirit, it is very difficult to deny that work in your life. Once you've experienced Holy Spirit, you can't unexperience Him.  

I was very happy when Holy Spirit led me to REAL Ministries. As a Spirit Led faith family, we don't 'push' being baptized in the Holy Spirit.  This is not a complaint, it is a compliment. A lot of damage was done by well meaning people early in the Pentecostal movement, but Holy Spirit is patient, and has brought the focus of Pentecostalism to it's proper place.  In the Pentecostal churches I grew up in,  children were encouraged to 'seek' the baptism of the Spirit as early as 9 or 10 years of age.  It wasn't always a pretty sight. I've seen every method, nuance, and practice used to guide children into being baptized.  As I look back over those days, I find what people did then as comical, and sometimes a little over the top.  Their hearts were good, and their motivations pure, but often the methods left a lot to be desired.  YET, let me make it clear, being baptized in (the) Holy Spirit was the ONLY thing that held me firmly in my faith through my long battle with science, faith, and personal trauma.  You can't undo experience.  

SO...how do we as fathers teach our children about Holy Spirit?  How do we spark their interest enough for them to earnestly desire the giver of the gifts?  That is the core of this Sunday's discussion.  I believe the Pentecostal experience is part, and parcel of 'Sanctification.'  As we discovered in our discussion of sanctification, it is the transforming part of the salvation experience.  Holy Spirit is our guide through the salvation experience so it would stand to reason that at the 'business' end of our transformation He would be there waiting to fill the vessel He created.  Holy Spirit guides someone to present the gospel to us, (draws us) and then He convicts us of our sins.  He imparts faith to believe, convinces you of Christ's saving power, and guides you to that powerful moment when you realize you can't save yourself.  NOW you are born again, a new creation born of incorruptible seed, and destined for good works.  (SCREECH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>)  Good Works?   I thought we were done with that!!!  No, we're not done with works, and yes, good works.  Hello, that's what sanctification is for!!!   You just went through the Holy Spirit vessel wash, and you are saved for a purpose, God's purposes. YOU are HIS workmanship!!!    

Pentecostalism of the 1940's through the 60's was about a feel good experience, not purpose.  I know, I lived it.  An average Pentecostal service in my youth was a joyous handclapping, knee slapping, tongue talking, jig dancing and Jericho marching good time. I've seen every reaction to Holy Spirit's presence a man can see, except for someone rolling in the aisle.  I would not trade those experiences for any amount of gold.  I'm not belittling them, a matter of fact I am wistful to see them once more.  I like a good 'runaway' service once in a while.  It's been many years since I've seen a Jericho march, and many people have forgotten what they were for.  I haven't!  I was delivered from a specific sin through a Jericho march, and it anchored my faith in God forever.  

I have a personal theory on how our children can be hungry for the Pentecostal experience, but it has nothing to do with them.  First, we as fathers have to be children in our faith, and in our response to Holy Spirit.  Criticism?   Yes.  

"Well, I never!"

Exactly.  You never. We must lay aside our notions of what a service should be, and give Holy Spirit room to Baptize.  We have a physical baptistry at the back of our stage that takes a lot of work to fill, and prepare for a baptismal.  YET, we don't mind doing it.  I don't know how many of you have seen it, but I've seen people come up out of the water speaking in tongues.  We have to prepare our services to be ready to have someone Baptized in Holy Spirit.  WE as men of God must be completely abandoned to Holy Spirit and seeking His Presence in order to create the desire in our children.  Do we need to return to the unbridled, freewheeling services of the Pentecostal services of the past?  NO!  But, it wouldn't hurt for some of us to let our hair down either. Some of us in the Men's group have never experienced a runaway, or an outpouring, because of our own agenda.  Getting rid of our agendas, clearing our calendar, putting away the desires of the flesh are what the old folks would call fasting.  It doesn't happen in its simplest form, let alone meals.  Why am I making an issue of this?  I'll say it again, we adults are the ones who create a hunger in our children for the supernatural.    

Being Baptized into Holy Spirit is simple, and it (the experience) is the manifestation Holy Spirit (the person) surrounding you.  The Baptism in Holy Spirit  will manifest in speaking in other tongues.  That is God's encryption and decryption service to you.  It is in that gift, that God is glorified in you.  I could go on for at least twenty lessons just talking about the gift of tongues, but that isn't what this lesson is about.  Every biblical reference to being Baptized in Holy Spirit is followed by talking in tongues.  Nuff Said.

Dave's simple Holy Spirit Baptismal guide.  

1. Children have to want it, (HIM).  In Luke 11: 9-13 Jesus explains it all.   YOU, THEY, US, WE have to ask for Holy Spirit. This is the crux of verse 9!   To want something, Children need to be exposed to it. This is where I think a Spirit Filled, tongue talking, prophesying, bible reading, love giving father is essential!!! Do you speak in tongues in front of your children outside of a service?

2. Children have to know HE is a gift. In Luke 11:13 the statement is simple, yet profound. "how much more will your heavenly Father give (the) Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"  All the 'tarrying', all the agonizing, all the back pounding, all the 'guidance' into how to 'speak in tongues' is what man does to the experience.  Men made it a side show.  

IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?   Yes, kinda, sorta.  Well, not actually.

3.  You have to be in prayer.  More like communing with Jesus, um...more like desiring His presence.  Every recorded instance of speaking in tongues (Being Baptized in Holy Spirit) was preceded by prayer and praise.  (Acts 2:1-4, Acts 2:38, Acts 10,) 

There you go.  We don't have to send our children off to Church Camp, or drag them to a Holy Ghost revival at some far corner of our nation.  We  don't have to do anything but be surrendered ourselves.  

 

   

TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SANCTIFICATION

 As we learned over the last four or five weeks, teaching your children about Grace is a tough thing.  As I've said over and over, the topic of grace has split churches, led to gross error, and been the focal point of religious wars.  HOWEVER, there is another topic of salvation that is just as misunderstood.  Most people understand redemption, forgiveness, confession, repentance, and faith.  Well maybe not faith as much as we would like, but we do have a working understanding of it.  

Sanctification on the other hand is rarely spoken of in modern Christian circles.  A matter of fact,(this is not a criticism) it has been a long time since I've heard the word 'sanctification' used in a sermon.  A lot of that is because we've replaced sanctification with 'Christian Walk', 'purpose', 'ministry', and the most powerful of all, 'Service.'  Yep, you got it, those are all works.  How many times have you heard someone say "My Christian walk", "My purpose", "My ministry", or even "my service."  Once again we've gone out to our field of grain, pulled up a few stalks of wheat, brought it to the altar of sacrifice.  "Look what I've done, God!"  Then we sadly learn that God has already provided the lamb.

Another problem with teaching sanctification is confusing it with 'consecration.'  Which brings us to another reason that Sanctification is rarely taught any more, people want a tourist kind of salvation.  It's nice to visit the Kingdom, maybe even spend a little time there, but don't make me live there.  Don't make me live like the citizens of heaven, and for heaven's sake don't make me talk like them.  

The only way you can be sanctified and consecrated to God, and for God, is to move to the Kingdom.  There is no dual citizenship in the Kingdom of heaven.  You have to live there!!!

The word Sanctification in Hebrew comes from the root of the same word used for 'sanctuary.'  You know, that place where God dwells, you know,...YOU. The word for Sanctification is the combination of the root 'sanctuary' and 'Shine'.  To make the sanctuary shine.  Modern Christians don't want to shine.  They don't want to be different.  They don't want to be set aside.  This is especially true in the American Church where making a stand for Christ can get you fired, or even banned from doing what you love to do. For some Christians it's easier to compartmentalize our faith, keeping it out of view. Some Christians want to sneak by in their carnality, and hope that the gold of Holy Spirit doesn't leak out.  

Shining is what we were created for. Christ did all the difficult stuff in the outer courts so that we could enter into the Holy Place. Everything outside of the holy place was overlaid with bronze.  Bronze isn't a bad metal.  There was a day and time when it was hard to come by, so making a huge brazen altar was not cheap, nor was it easy. Still, it was outside the Holy Place.  It was a place of works.  The place of death and blood.  A sacrifice was never made in the Holy Place. Brass is a metaphor for man.  The brass sea was a metaphor for the law.  In order to enter the Holy Place, (only Priests could do that,) you had to wash at the brass sea, a symbol of the application of the law, (The word).  It is here that a priest was 'washed by the word', and sanctified (cleansed.) Jesus used the word 'Sanctified' only in John chapter 17.  This is his spoken prayer for the disciples, and US!   This moment is the equivalent of when Moses consecrated Aaron for service in the Tabernacle.  All the items of service had been cleansed, set aside, and sprinkled with blood for service.  Now take that same imagery and apply it to what Christ was praying that wonderful moment when he gave His disciples over to God's tender care.  Wow!   Central to all of his prayers was three words; Word, them (being those who believe), and sanctify. Chapter 17 is God's mission statement, and we are the bright messengers of that statement.

The bottom line in all of this is to understand that Sanctification is the 'setting apart' of things and people for service to God.  The implication is "PURPOSE", not your purpose, but HIS purpose.  Paul taught about this a lot. He understood sanctification from a Jewish point of view, but he knew that it was no longer a physical act, or even a specific moment.  Sanctification is not even a lifestyle, and you can't sanctify yourself.  Sanctification is a submission to the WORD!  It is an obedience marked by faith in the guidance of Holy Spirit.  Holy Spirit hovers over you waiting anxiously for you to speak the words of faith that will give him the right to set you apart for service to God.  

I would love to spend ten weeks studying Sanctification, but there is a way to teach it to your children that will leave an indelible imprint upon their lives. I don't know what age you should teach sanctification, but you can prepare them for it's meaning by giving them a physical example of it.  Find a simple task at home that you know is just sightly beyond their own ability to do.  Tell them that you are 'setting them apart' to do that task.  Reassure them, give them confidence, and tell them how you want it done.  LET THEM FAIL!!!!  Something will be missing, something that is powerful, knowing, and experienced...it will be YOU!  

"Would you like me to help you do this?"  you ask.   If not, let them try again.  If they fail again explain to them that this is the same way it is with God and our life in the world.  He knows we can do what He's called us to do, (set us aside) to do, with HIS help.  Now, take the time to work with them through the task.  Help only with what they CAN'T do.  As you help them teach them that you are helping them just the same way Holy Spirit helps you.  If you really want to drive the lesson home, make the task something that they can do often, but success will come with maturity, and practice.  That is sanctification!  It is ongoing, ever changing, and wonderfully fulfilling.  A sanctified life is completely possible.  As we succeed by the power of Holy Spirit, holiness, and sanctification become desirable.  With Holy Spirit's help, we move from the common to the Holy.  That is sanctification.  DOING  Love! 

OH, by the way, The Vines definition for both the Hebrew and Greek words for Sanctification are absolutely phenomenal.  Tons of scriptures!  Next week we'll tackle it a little more.  You might want to look them up in anticipation of Men's group. Believe it or not we are almost finished with this study.   

GRACE THAT IS TRULY AMAZING

There are deep spiritual truths that seem to defy explanation.  Every Christian father wants their child to come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, but if we can't define salvation for ourselves, we may find their faith destroyed by smooth talking secular humanists, or the wild eyed, buzzed arm chair philosophers that are their peers. There are terms we use as Christians that we assume every Christian understands, but when you try to get a believer to explain it, you come up empty.  This is why we must never assume that our children are learning everything they need to know by osmosis. Simply dragging your children to Church every Sunday, and Wednesday, is not enough. Sending them to Church Camp every summer invigorates them, but the spiritual high leaves them in about a month.  YOU have to be the one to instill the truth in them.  I also believe that this fellowship should agree on that truth.  For that reason, I've asked you to join with me in defining four of the most crucial aspects of our faith.  

Thankfully we are blessed to be a fellowship of strong, stable believers who are actively seeking God, while raising our children to go beyond our spiritual growth.  We have super teachers, and an awesome Pastor, but none of this will help your children learn what they need to know.  ONLY YOU, can teach your children what God the Father is like.  Only You have first access to their hearts, as well as their brains.  You are their first and constant teacher. This is why Karl Marx railed against the nuclear family.  In his mind, the nuclear paternal family perpetuated the religious capitalistic, free enterprise system.  To continue to fight against Marxist Socialism we have to have children who are anchored in the truth of the gospel. We need parents who example, and teach the most basic truths we hold.

As I've said before, you have two ways to teach your child what God the Father is like.  The first way is to talk about Godly things, to read to them from the Bible, and to give them spiritual counsel. Communication is the most crucial aspect of teaching a child.  As crucial as talking with your child is though, there is a much more difficult, but far more impacting method of teaching, and that method is called teaching by EXAMPLE.   OR, more simply; living the life.

Today, we're going to discuss how we teach GRACE.  We use the word a lot, and we've even come up with cute little phrases to describe it, but we rarely teach it by example.  We have hymns, anthems, and probably thousands of Christian songs that sing about it, but no one can really tell you what it is, let alone model it. The inability to model grace is because families are all about rules, boundaries, and limits, and those things by their very nature appear to speak against grace.  Notice I said 'appear'.  

Now, if you want to go full on basic, we all have the neat little descriptor 'unmerited favor,' but that isn't accurate, nor is it true. Just like 'unconditional love' has taken over our pulpits, so too has 'unmerited favor.'   We invent definitions of grace that we hope will convey its power, but in turn make it harder to understand.  To make matters worse we tie grace only to salvation, while ignoring its continuous work in our daily walk. The difficulty with living out grace in our daily walk is more to do with OUR lack of understanding. 

The problem for most Christians is that we often confuse grace with mercy.  This is because we have distilled the gospel down to this simple thought; Confessing the Lord Jesus as your savior is all you need to do to be saved.  Somehow over the last couple of hundred years, we've allowed this lazy, and false statement to become the altar call for millions of people across the globe. It's not true!  Salvation is 100% God, and 0% us. I know that seems to smack in the face of the whole confession thing, but please bear with me while I attempt to make my point.

God's grace exists outside of salvation. The salvation experience is simply a pathway to relationship.  Holy Spirit calls a person to the Father by means of someone presenting Christ as Savior. (John 6:44).  That calling, is an act of grace. Without someone to preach the gospel, no one knows it even exists. (Romans 10: 14-15) It isn't a specific choosing (predestination) but an existing state of grace that is revealed when the gospel is preached. (The sending, the message, and the faith to believe it are gifts.)

When you hear the gospel, God gives you the faith to believe what you heard. (Ephesians 2:8-9) Faith is an act of grace. Paul tells us that even that faith is not of ourselves, but is a gift of God.  (What is one of the definitions of Grace?)

At this point we are told that we have to do one thing on our own that seems to come from ourselves, WE have to repent.  Without repentance there can be no salvation.  Repenting is not feeling sorry, but changing your mind about your existence. (Even repentance is a work of Grace, because you would never know to repent unless God revealed it to you.) This is all a mystery, but can be understood.  Still, if we believe repentance comes from us, we make salvation something of ourselves. Ta da!   I heard, I believed, I repented, therefore, I'm saved.  Aren't I something?   

NOPE! 

Once you repent, then you must believe in YOUR heart that Jesus is Lord, and make that confession with your mouth. (See there it is, that confession thing was there all along.)  AH!  Now you're saved.  Boy, am I glad that we got that all sorted out. Whew! I heard, I believed, I repented, I confessed, I'M SAVED, aren't I something?   

NOPE!!!  You've just been shown mercy.  Every despicable act you've ever done is now forgiven because Christ gave Himself as a sacrifice for your sins.  You are like a little child that's been caught stealing cookies, and your Dad decides to slap his own hand instead of yours.  You may feel sorry, and you may even appreciate what he did, but the cornerstone of salvation isn't there.  FORIVENESS \ IS NOT GRACE! 

To prove that salvation is not by works, we make it clear that once your are saved, you are free to live a life of service to God, doing what He GUIDES you to do, living as He instructed you to live, but even this isn't what saves you.  THIS IS NOT GRACE.  You are reverting back to works.  If grace relied upon your believing in Christ, it would not be grace.  Grace is before salvation, in salvation, and will continue beyond this brief moment we live on the earth. Grace helps you to believe, helps you live the belief, and helps you to the final moment of your life on this vale.

Grace holds the door of salvation open, and then leads you on the path to your eternal home.  The forgiveness through Jesus death, the eternal life through His resurrection, are all God's mercy made available by His grace. SOooooo, what is grace?  Let me give you my childlike idea of grace.

Let's just say that little Davey was just given the greatest toy car ever made.  I love my little car, and play with it for hours till it is time to go to bed.  The next day, I invite my best friend over to play with my toys, because he's my best friend.  He immediately spots my new toy car and wants to play with it.  It's hard for me to let go of it, but I let him play with it.  (That would be considered 'common' grace.) As the day wears on, we play and have a good time, but then he has to go home.  Later on, I realize that my toy car isn't in my toy box.  I tear up the room, look under the bed, in the closet, on the windows sills, and on my dresser.  No toy car.  

At this point it becomes clear that my friend must have took it.  I like him, he's a good friend. It breaks my heart that he stole my toy car, still amazingly I want him to still be my friend.

Later that day I walk over to my friend's house and I ask him if he has my toy car.  At first he denies it, but then his mother comes in and asks him if he has my car.  My friend tearfully admits he took it because it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen, and that he's sorry for taking it.  He runs upstairs gets the car and hands it back to me.  

It isn't easy, but I hand the car back to him.  "It's okay,"  I tell him. "Here, you keep it, I'll play with it when you bring it over to play." THAT IS GRACE!!!! 

Mercy was given when I didn't beat him up.  Grace was giving him what he wanted to steal, as well as keeping my friendship with him. I gave him the assurance that I wanted to be his friend more than I wanted him to be punished. (Isaiah 1:18) The problem often arises when we try to make up for our sins by trying to do things to atone for them. Which makes a mockery of the term 'Atonement'. (The word is actually a derivative of the term 'to set at one'.  Atonement is that moment when we lay every injury aside for relationship. (This is the topic of another lesson.) Sadly, we are a quantitative, qualitative, species. There hast to be a ledger! We'll even say it about others when they've done us wrong; "They have to pay!" we cry out as we look down the ledger of their misdeeds toward us. Some of us have even tried to help God out in the 'justice' department.   

God did away with the ledger on the cross.  Even the worst among us has equal opportunity for salvation. Grace removes atonement, and replaces it with relationship.  The injury was paid for by the injured party (Jesus), and we once again have access to God's grace. This is when you have the power to succeed. Grace is access to relationship with the Father through faith in Jesus Christ.  You aren't constantly starting over!  You own what you hoped to steal, and more than that, God wants you to keep it. The carnal reaction would be to say; Won't people take advantage of God?   God wants us to take advantage of Him. There is nothing you can steal from Him, because He already gives it to us freely.  Do you want to commit sin? No!! Do you want relationship? YES!  Once you fully grasp God's grace, you live in His freedom. The most free and liberated people are those who walk in God's grace, without fear, and without condemnation.   

With God's grace, you don't have to earn His trust, He gives it freely.  You're not working on your salvation, you're being His child, and His friend. I hope you get the point of this, because I hate it when people confuse grace with mercy.  Mercy can only be given by someone who has the power to punish. The Gospel is WAY MORE than atonement, and deeper than mercy.  Grace exists before our sin, in our sin, and after mercy.  As a last example, let me quickly use the Apostle Paul as my adult explanation.  Jesus met Paul in the midst of Paul's self-righteousness. Jesus sought Paul first!   Once Paul knows it is Jesus, he is convicted of his sin.  He professes Christ as his Lord, and then without his knowledge, is given grace to serve the Lord. The access to Christ is sufficient for anything that would come Paul's way, and boy did Paul have a bunch of stuff come his way. 

The reaction of the disciples was what most people would have done, including me.  "isn't he the same man who caused such devastation among Jesus' followers in Jerusalem? "  The human reaction is to 'make them pay.'  Yet, God gave Paul grace (power) beyond saving grace. God empowered Paul to preach the Gospel to the gentiles, and in this grace was the revelation that it would come with great suffering.  Within God's grace is the power to do what God has called you to do, but it always costs you your will.  Grace is the attitude of God, the purpose of God, and eternal life.  Grace is Jesus Christ.  Grace can't be comprehended by the carnal man.  That is why salvation is 100% God, and isn't based on anything I bring to the table.  I know it is hard to explain, but your children need to know it before the world gets a hold on them.   When your child understands the difference between grace and mercy, they will be able to defeat a major portion of the humanistic arguments against God. 

So how do you model grace to youngsters?  You embrace the grace he's given you, and treat others as He has treated you. When you favor one child over another, you don't have to apologize, even God did that.  You have to let the 'unfavored' child know why they aren't experiencing your favor.  THEN, you have to show FAVOR to the least deserving child anyway.  WOW!  Can you do that?  (Think prodigal son.) Another way to model grace is in how you treat your friends with grace.  We'll discuss that one next week.

 Yes, Grace is the power to succeed, but it is so much more.  Grace!  So much Grace!  The older I get the more it amazes me.   

THE FATHER WHO GIVES, FORGIVES, AND HELPS US ESCAPE OURSELVES

 Continuing with our study into the Lord's prayer, we step into a little bit of deep water.  There are things at the end of the Lord's Prayer that are hard to explain to little children, especially the concepts of provision, salvation, and deliverance. These are mature subjects adults often have a hard time understanding.  How can I say that?  Easy!  Just look at the mess we've made of 'blab it and grab it' faith over the last 40 years.  Look at the Church in America as we struggle with racism, politics, and war.  Look at the addicted church, and the emptiness many Christians face as they deal with their emotions due to being rejected by their carnal friends.  Americans are here at this juncture in time because we turned our back on God in every aspect of our daily lives.  I would like to blame it on the Supreme Court when they banned public prayer in Public Schools, but that wasn't when it began.  It began when prayer stopped at home.  I truly believe when a child UNDERSTANDS the Lord's Prayer, they will understand the heart of the Father, and be less inclined to drift away later.

How do we model or mentor the Lord's Prayer for our children?  We pray!  We pray at home, with our wives, in front of the children.  You invite them into your family prayer time, and give them patient instruction in how to pray, and what to pray for. Another way to mentor prayer is to be an active prayer warrior yourself.  Be there when the church doors are open to pray.  I know it's hard to pack up a load of children after a long day at work and make them behave during a prayer meeting, but let's stop beating around the bush.  If you've been praying with them daily, and they understand what your're doing, they will enjoy being a part of the prayer process.  NO ONE TAUGHT THIS TO ME AS A YOUNG FATHER, but I wish they had. I can only hope to teach you now.   At a very personal level, my dream for our Thursday night prayer meetings is to have enough people there that we go around only once.  Our Thursday night prayer list consists of about 28 things we pray for, and if we just had 30 people, I know it would be a church changer.  If your child is older than seven, I know they could pray and would not be chastised for how they prayed.  Just saying.   

In our last lesson, we left off at "Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven."  I think we figured out how to mentor that one to our children.  

Jesus continued to teach them, "Give us this day our daily bread."  This one has always caused me a little consternation, so I'm hoping we can wrap it up all nice and tidy, and tie it up with a bow.

 TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION:  SO, why do we need to ask God for our daily bread if He already knows what we have need of?   I never had to ask my Mom, or Dad for food, why would we be instructed to do so with God?  I'm interested in your take on this, be prepared to talk about it.  I have my own take, but I want yours.

Now, we move on to "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."  Whoa!!!! Here's a fun one. Why didn't Christ say; "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us?"  It's easy to approach this from the 'already a christian' viewpoint, but there is a depth to it that we need to render to our children that will make the rest of their lives better.  As much as I love my Dad, he used to mangle the "Golden Rule' by saying "Do unto others, before they do unto you."  This mindset was hard to wash away as a young teenager.  As I've told all of you before, I had serious anger management issues, and they were built around the need to make others pay, while excusing myself of any wrongs I did.  The issue of forgiveness, and restoration of relationship are mentioned often by Christ.  Why?  Because He IS the forgiveness of God.  His very existence, His purpose, His suffering was as the means of our debt being paid.  How can anyone who claims to be 'saved' rub our saviors nose in the stink of OUR unforgiveness to others?  Matthew 6:14 &15 , Mark 11:25-26, Matthew 18:34-35, all stress the importance of forgiveness.  There are no exclusions, no severity of trespass, nor time limit placed upon the issue.  WHY?  Because forgiveness is to bring peace to the one forgiving, and to bring life to the one who trespasses.  That is why Jesus said He is the way, the truth, and the life.  Forgiveness is life. 

TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION:    How do we model this to our children?  What would it look like to a child, and how can we live it before them?  You might be surprised at how you yourself may not be forgiving, though you think you are.  Actually listen to yourself talk over this coming week.  How many times do you criticize others.  How often do you talk about what others 'owe' you?  Do you forgive your children's indiscretions, or do you rub it in to them every chance you get?  If you hold grudges, or air your grievances before your children's ears, you are not modeling our Heavenly Father.  I'm not saying you can't have grievances, or have opinions about others, but how about not talking about it in the car, or at the dinner table.  There are a ton of things my Mom and Dad talked about when I was riding in the backseat, that I can remember to this day.  What about you?   

WHY WE PRAY

 No other religious act is as universal as prayer.  Knowing that all of you are fathers who pray, and are teaching your children to pray, I want you to realize that you help your children join into an endless chain of prayer that has probably never ceased since human beings began praying.  Whether the prayers go up to a pantheon of gods, or to the one and only true God, prayers have been uttered for thousands of years 24/7.   It is only in recent years that prayers have come under derision by those fools who don't believe in God.  Even in our prestigious halls of government the call to prayer for those in need of comfort have been heckled and used as a political weapon. Yet, with all of that prayer, there is question we need to answer in ourselves; Why do we pray?   

Have you ever kept track of answered prayers?   Can you state with assurance, that prayer does work?  Why pray if everything proceeds on a set course dictated by God?  We've been looking at the Lord's prayer, and within that prayer we can only find one reference to praying for ourselves.  If we can't improve our lot in life by prayer, what good is the act of prayer?   These are questions I've asked, and have been asked of me over my lifetime.  Do we REALLY believe that prayer changes things?   

IF you believe really believe prayer changes things, then why aren't you doing more of it?   Is there anything else that could be more important than prayer? 

The answer to that question is as simple as the car you drive.  Every car has a key, which turns the ignition circuit on, which allows the car to start, which in turn allows the car to move, which allows you to go places.  You are the key and prayer is the ignition that fires up the spiritual engine.  WE pray to advance the Kingdom of God, we pray so that the Kingdom can come from heaven to earth.  

Sadly, during the last century, we saw the power of prayer abused by those who saw it as a means to enrich their lives on this earth.  The prosperity movement took valid truths, and twisted the act of prayer into a vending machine that dispenses goodies upon anyone with enough faith coins to drop into the spiritual slot.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in living a good life, and I believe God wants us to have a good life while we are here on this earth.  However, if you truly believe in eternity, this life is beyond infinitesimal in comparison to the eternal.  Cluttering up our prayer lives with requests for stuff, or dismissal of conflict, can be counter-productive.  So, what do we do?  Why do we pray?   Actually, the question should be; What should we pray for?  

As most of you are fathers, I'm sure you've heard your children ask you for things, ask you for information, and ask you what you are doing.  THINK!!! What did you respond with?  Did you give them everything they asked for?  Did you answer their every question?   If you did, let me know how that went for you. Sometimes, (and I've said it myself) the only answer you can give is; "Because I told you so."  

Over my lifetime I've heard every explanation for prayer that can be given.  The one thing I've never heard is a reason not to pray.  So, when you come to Men's Group this Sunday morning, you might keep in mind the next phrase in the Lord's Prayer. "Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven."           

TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN TO PRAY...FOR YOU

This is our second lesson on Fatherhood, and prayer.  It seems to me that prayer slips to the back of our list of things to do, especially in an affluent society like ours. Even in the midst of this pandemic I would be curious to know how many men have even thought to ask God to protect their home from the Chinese Wuhan Coronavirus.  As I said in last week's blog, there is a disconnect for modern Christians when it comes to prayer. 

If you need healing, go to a doctor.  If you need more money, work another job.  If your favorite electronics go out, buy another. If your car quits running, take it to the mechanic...the list goes on, and on.  Here in the good ol' USA,  we rarely lack for anything.  With the exception of the homeless, even those in poverty have shelter, and to some degree, at least one meal a day.  What is there to ask God for?   So, when I talk about prayer, and the need to be a praying father, I am fairly certain that I get tuned out.  If I talk about the need to be a part of a weekly prayer meeting, the list of excuses come off our tongues fairly quickly.  

Can we change that?  Can we make prayer the first thing we do?  Let me see if I can help you move that direction.  

You don't have to be the ball hog when it comes to prayer.  YES, I want you to be a praying father, but how about delegating some of the prayer duties to your children?  When you find yourself needing healing, ask your little one to come over and pray for you.  Use that moment to teach them about where healing comes from, and why it is important for them to pray for you.  Let them know that they don't have to be an adult, or even a big kid to pray for healing.  Teach them how to talk with God, and the importance of speaking the name of Jesus.  Then, later, you will be pleasantly rewarded by them coming to pray for you when you haven't even asked them.  Been there, had that happen, and there is nothing like it.  

If you need more money, let them know that God is your supply, not just you working harder.  You might be surprised by hearing them tell God their true heart about what they want.  You might just hear them tell you that they just want more of you.   

Children understand a lot more than we think they do.  If our first solution to life's problems comes from ourselves, then you can bet that is where their faith will be.  However, if you encourage them to pray for you, you show them that your faith is in God, and that they don't need to be ashamed of asking Him for personal matters.  When you invite a child to pray for you, you give them the keys to faith.  I believe in reading the bible, but I believe in prayer more. 

To make my case with scriptures, let me point out that the Apostle Paul considered himself to be the spiritual father of many of the churches we read about in the New Testament.  He was not afraid to ask for their prayers.  Paul knew that if they could exercise their faith for him, that they could do it for one another, and for the work of the Gospel.   

Sunday, we'll look at scriptures that will give you ideas of what to ask your kids to pray for.  

 

THE FATHER THAT PRAYS

Well, here we are back at it again.  Between a Coronavirus scare, and the Fourth of July weekend, we found ourselves cancelling Men's for two weeks in a row.  It was bad enough during the lockdown, but to find ourselves in the position of cancelling Men's is tough when we do it to ourselves.  

So far we've been going along pretty good, and the things I've talked with you about are stuff you do.  OR, at least I hope you're doing.  Like I've said before, the currency of love is time.  You can tell me how much you love, but if the cost isn't time, then it's not love.  I can tell you what a person loves by what they give their time to.  The same is true about loving a person.  

We've talked about giving time to listening to your child, talking with your child, and reading the word of God to your child.  These things all make a demand on your time, and in our busy world, time is precious.  Still, I imagine all of you doing these things, and making the sacrifice of time.  There is one thing though that I am confident that doesn't get as much time as it should, and that is prayer.  I will say it clearly so that no one can accuse me of ambiguity; The father that prays creates the family that stays.  Unfortunately, prayer is often the last thing we give time to, and sometimes never done at all.  Family devotions are more than Bible reading times.  Your children can never learn the importance of prayer if you aren't praying in front of them, and with them.  If you pray, or if you, or your spouse pray together in front of the children, you show them where your source is.  

We've discussed prayer in our men's group before, and some of this may be old stuff to you, but of all the things that get discarded in our walk with Christ, I believe the first thing to go is a vibrant, active, prayer life.  

Why do we pray?   Doesn't God already know everything that is going to happen?  Why waste our breath asking God to do something if we can't change his mind?  What should we pray about?  What if God doesn't answer my prayers, what do I tell my children? 

Reading your bible doesn't require faith.  Playing with, and listening to your children doesn't require faith.  Prayer requires faith. The New Testament records only one time that Jesus read the bible out loud, HOWEVER, He is recorded as having prayed 25 times. If the Apostle Paul is your hero, he mentioned prayer 41 times, and asked for prayer eight times.  Even Jesus asked for prayer on the night He was betrayed.  YET, sadly prayer is often the last thing we want to spend time on, and the first we make excuses to get out of.  YET, today more than any other time in my own personal memory, prayer is needed to stem the tide of death and destruction that is confronting our nation.  Let me make this very personal.  

All around us, in every corner of the globe people are living in fear of the Chinese Coronavirus.  The world's economies have been devastated, jobs have been lost, men and women have committed suicide, and I would be so bold as to say that the disease has increased the rage of peoples everywhere.  Have we met once as a congregation to pray about this?  Have we interceded for the world?  Have we talked with God about the Coronavirus?  Do we think God is responsible for the virus?  Do we think Satan is responsible for the virus?  Do we think it's a judgment, or is it a tool to wake people up?  Has anybody heard a sure word from God about this?  

NOW, look at your children and ask yourself, what do they think?   Have they heard you pray about it, or have they just heard you talk about it?   What have you shown them about your faith?     I know that I'm digging in peoples backyards, but the truth is, I think this mess has gone on as long as it has because God's people haven't prayed about it.  When King David agreed to let the death angel (plague) go through the kingdom, it was only when he interceded in prayer that the angel was stopped.  

I believe that we can stop this plague.  I believe we can be like our father Abraham, and intercede for our fallen world.  I believe we can be like our brother Paul and make the changes at a world level.   

If any of you have the money to create a cure for the virus, then do it.  If any of you have the smartsville to create a vaccine, please do it.  The truth is, I know all of you, and you can't do either of those things.  Right now, the brightest, and most brilliant minds are working on a vaccine.  It's been four years since SARS went rampant through the world and they still don't have a vaccine for it.  HOWEVER, I do know a God who is moved by the prayers of a righteous man.  I know a God who is searching to show himself strong on our behalf, if we will but be committed to Him.  The problem isn't with God, the problem is with us.  I believe it is time for fathers to lead their children in prayer at home, and then when they get to be 8 or 9 years old, to bring them to prayer meeting.  I've watched Pastor's boys pray with us adults since they were 10 years old.  Now they can pray better than many full grown men, and articulate the heart of God without fear.  

Our nation needs fathers that pray!!!!  We are at a crossroads of decision in our nation unlike any we've been at before. The decision before us is as simple as it can be; Do we want Godless socialism, or do we want our God given liberty?  Our children need to know that the ballot box can be affected by the prayer room.  We have an obligation to let them know who our source is.  This is what Paul told Bro. Timothy in 1 Timothy 2:1-2  I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people--for kings, and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful, and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.  

 

FATHER'S DAY

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! 

I'm posting this after our men's meeting simply because I want to spill my heart out about some of the greatest men I've ever known.  And, I've known a few over my 65 years.  

Today it is not popular to be a father.  I don't think it has been for quite a few years now.  Even in our churches, fathers don't get much of a break.  On Mother's Day we get blasted for not being, for the lack of a better word, mothers. I guarantee you that on Mother's Day in almost every church in the USA, you will have a preacher make a dig about Fathers.  It might be a subtle hint to do something special, as if we don't do something special all the time.  Or it will be intimations of selfishness, laziness, or some other 'ness' that leaps into their minds as they try to make the mothers in their congregation feel that the Pastor knows how 'put upon' they are.  I've never understood the need to make someone feel special by making someone else feel less special.  Moms are special!!  

It's the day before Father's day as I'm writing this, and tomorrow morning just before Men's group, I'll press the publish button, and release it.  I guarantee you that all across America, in almost every church, Men will be on the menu.  Instead of extolling the virtues of fatherhood, preachers will try to show the women of the fellowship just how special they are by beating up on the men one more time.  It will be a litany of failures, upheld by scriptural examples of failed fathers, with an encouragement to be better than the chosen example.  In my many years in Church, I've even heard Jonah used as an example of the wayward father.  How that young preacher nabbed on to Jonah I'll never know.  The points were good, the idea was strong, but nowhere did I hear the glowing praise heaped upon fathers that was heaped upon mothers. 

I want to break that mold.  

I fellowship with some of the most awesome men you'll ever know.  I've known most of them for over 20 years, and some of them for over 25 years.  I've seen every man in our Men's group in situations away from the church, in their homes, interacting with their children, loving their wives.  I've watched some of our men grow up from young boys into the loving fathers they are now.  I've seen some of them work two jobs just to make ends meet.  I've seen others work many years for another man, only to have the business turned over to them, and they themselves make a way for young men to be employed in the business.  We have a Junior High School Principal, two teachers, and an education counselor.  Out of our group of sixteen men, eight have college degrees, and two are working on their degrees.  All but five of our group are fathers.  

When called upon, all of these men will be there when you need them, and most of them will be there before you call.  I know they love their wives, because we've had intimate discussions about how wonderful our wives are.  I know they love their children, because I see how their children behave.  Believe me, you know when a child is loved.  

Later, when some of the fathers of young children are facing the challenges of being a father to a teenager, we'll be there for them.  Right now, I want you to know that I love all of you.  I've never been more proud to be a member of a fellowship than I am of being in this group of men.  You spur me on to good works, you challenge me to think beyond just myself.  Your homes are beautiful, your children wonderful, and your worship is contagious.  You are selfless as evidenced by the ministries our fellowship supports.  You do things nobody sees, and don't ask for recognition.  

I sing your praises if no one else will.  

Being a father is not the antithesis to being a mother, it is the completion of parenthood.  

You destroy the stereotypes!!!!!

Play With Me!

Last week I asked all of you to go back to revisit your childhood and remember a time when peer pressure caused you to do something that your parents had taught you not to do.  As I write this, I'm curious as to how early in your childhood you can go back to remember the first time someone pressed you to do something wrong.  My earliest memory of being pressured is when I was seven years old, and it is a memory I will not share.  At the same time, I know from watching my own children, that peer pressure begins very early.  It can be scary, because even though we hate it, the old saying about putting two boys together being trouble is true, and I'm here to tell you that it is true for little girls too.  

I don't know why getting two human beings together almost always leads to trouble, but it happens.  My Grandma used to say that it's not that they are smarter than you, it's just that even one child outnumbers you. My brother and I were an army of two without a general.  

As parents, what are you to do?  

If you, and your wife work, then at some point you have to put your child in day care.  In even a small group of say ten to twelve children, you're going to have at least one of those children be raised by parents who don't share your values. Now, top that off with that amazing ability of children to let their imaginations rule their actions and you have a recipe for misbehavior.  

IT IS INEVITABLE.   

I remember when my son was in the sixth grade, and he began to tell me what a movie was about that I didn't have in my video collection.  I asked him when he'd seen it, and he told me at a friend's house.  Needless to say, it was a movie I would have never allowed in our home. 

I ask one more time, what are we as parents supposed to do?  

You can't isolate them, and I really don't care who they are around, if you put two perfect little angels together, they'll find a way to act like little devils. 

Do you isolate them?  Do you hover over them like helicopters?   Do you do anything at all? 

I don't think you can do anything at all to keep two children from influencing one another, or from yielding to peer pressure. At the same time, I believe you can influence your children to exercise the wisdom you've been giving them from the book of Proverbs.   (Ah, now you understand why I went to Proverbs first.) The Proverbs are wisdom from above you.  Proverbs are spiritual, and therefore stand on their own without your prejudices.  You may not like the way I'm going to phrase this, but your child needs to know that God is the one looking over their shoulders.  Every one  of you know how much I despise the image of God as the big bully in heaven, just waiting to blow someone out of existence because they've transgressed a law or commandment.  Still, it is important for them to know that they can't just do anything they want without consequence. It is a fine line, and it is one that every child reacts to differently.  I don't know how I'd have turned out if I hadn't had the image of God that I did.  Finding out how your child sees God is important!!  This is where the issue of time comes in.  Are you willing to invest a little bit of  time in your child while they are soft and pliable, or do you want to wait until they are much older, and the time requirement is multiplied by a factor of 10?   If you don't define God for them, and if you don't define the moral nature of God for them, then their peers will.  It won't be a question of your child testing the boundaries of the Godly morals you value, it will be a peer establishing the boundaries. At the same time, it goes without saying that there are children who will rebel against even the most loving, and involved parents.  The counsel I give here is not a panacea, nor a buttress against the pull of the carnal nature. 

There are a few ways you can short circuit the power of peer pressure, but I want to talk about being the first peer in their lives.  AS their parent, you get to be their first everything!!!  Why not be their first playmate?  

Establish primacy in their lives and be the first one they talk to about their experiences.  Yes, your heard me right!!! You and your spouse can be the first person they talk to about life.  Be nosey!  Yes, be a nosey posey. Ask them who they played with during the day.  Ask them what they did.  Ask them how they feel about their friend, or friends.  Ask them about the daycare, about the Sunday School class, about the school classroom.  Ask them about the little friend from Church who you are sure is a perfect little angel.  By listening, and talking with them at an early age, you can 

gain primacy as the teacher of their faith.  I didn't know this when I raised my own children, but I can tell you how I've seen it work in other families. 

 

Be your child's first playmate!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that enough exclamation points?  

Be the one that they play pat-a-cake with.  Be the horse they ride on.  Be the one who plays cars, dolls, make believe, video games, and a dozen other things that they will do.  You have to be their first playmate.  If you are their first playmate, then they will open up to you in playtime.  If that sounds too feminine or un-Godlike, then you have a much higher regard for yourself than you ought to.  If you think your life is amazingly grown up and complex and that God wouldn't play in the dirt with you, then you missed the whole point of Jesus.  If you don't believe Jesus existed before the foundation of the world, and that he was slain before the foundation of the world, then you've missed the point of salvation.  God knows time backward and forward, and He knew what we were like before He made us.  Dear God in heaven that is so humbling for me every time I think it.  Jesus was a little boy before God made little boys.  God sat down in the dirt with other little boys and played marbles and still he chose to make the dirt for little boys to play marbles on. Not only that, how many of those same playmates would later call out for His death.

This is our Heavenly Father!!!  

Our Lord and Savior, God the Son, is the same as you and I.  He chose to walk with his son Adam in the Garden during the cool of the day, and enjoyed watching his child name the creatures of the earth.  He listened to his son Adam and talked with him even though Adam didn't know squat.  If you think their daily walks consisted of God lecturing Adam, you don't know my God. Your little one that holds onto your finger as you walk toward the store is no different than your relationship to God.  If nothing else drives you to play with your child, knowing that God chooses to 'play' with you should. We must appear as infants to God even in our greatest wisdom and knowledge.  Still, he chooses to walk with us, and play with us.

As a father, you have first dibs on your child's interests, and their feelings.  Find the time to play, talk, watch, and do things together.  Ask them how they feel about little Johnny, or little Katie?   Ask them to make judgments, and to tell you what they felt. If you don't do it now, it will take a long time before they will do it after they're adults.  Yep, it's a tough thing being a parent.  The only true currency you have is time, and that is what a peer gives.   You have to be the prime peer in their life.  Notice I've avoided using the word friend.  As a father you can't be their friend until they come into maturity.  Later on, you can allow them to be your best buddy, but when they are little ones, you need to be their first playmate so that they learn to play the way you want them to play with others.  

I've told all of you before that I wasn't always an introvert.  My first week in elementary school forever scarred me.  My Dad never knew because he was in the Army, and moonlighted as a truck driver.  My mother didn't find out until I was in the fourth grade that the reason for my bad grades was because of being abused by my peers.  My dad wasn't my playmate, and a sibling isn't always the best playmate.  My report cards from the first grade on always had low marks on the line that said "Plays well with others"    I said all of that to make the point that if you are your child's first playmate, you can see who they are, and you can shape who you want them to be.  My Mom, and my Dad didn't know that I was having problems.  They didn't know because they didn't play with me.  That isn't a whine or a complaint. It is a warning.  It is even important for you to be your daughter's playmate.  How will they learn what a good man is, if all they see is TV or movie versions that have no reality to them?   

I used to think peer pressure didn't begin until much later in childhood until I watched the kids playing at the Pre-School in the public school system I used to work for.  Boy did I learn something new!!

When you play with your children (and grandchildren) you have the power to establish the rules of their peer relationship without giving them a bunch of do's and don'ts.  It's simple as that. How they treat their toys, how they imagine things, the stories they tell, the people they put in peril, and the people they save all have meaning to them, but it isn't indicative of their bent, it is a place to change their bend.  If you think of yourself as too good to play with your children then I promise you, they will quickly stop going to you for the more important discussions.  I know.  I've seen it both ways, and you can tell which ones I played with, and which ones I didn't.  

HEAVENLY FATHER IN A CAN

Let me say from the outset, this lesson is an unusually long one.  I thought it could be divided in two, and I tried, but it didn't work.  The Coronavirus pandemic sat us back on our heels as far as our study goes, and I believe there is an exciting study awaiting us at the end of our study into fatherhood. I'm just waiting for God to reveal it.  What I mean by that, is that I'm waiting for him to reveal the source material, a book, a guide, whatever.  So, with that disclaimer out of the way, lets get back into our study of fatherhood.

There is only one YOU, and there will only be one father like you. Even if you tried to follow a step by step process from a father you admired, YOU would be the variable that changes things up. I can give you my three “C’s” of a relationship, and it would play out much differently than what I’ve done in my family.  One thing is a constant between all of us; You are the only one who can reveal the heavenly Father to your children.  Your words, and actions will shape your child’s image of what a father is. This in turn will shape their view of their heavenly Father. The good thing is,  you don’t have to be perfect to do this job, you just have to accept the role and be wise in carrying it out. If I had to give only one piece of advice to fathers, it would be the same advice that David gave his son Solomon: Get wisdom.  (Proverbs 4:4-9)

The greatest gift you can give your child is wisdom.  I know you thought it was love, but love without wisdom is a cancer that destroys a child’s ability to know real love.  Don’t get me wrong, if you love your child as God loves you, you will give them wisdom. Being a good father is loving your child enough to impart wisdom, and live wisely before them. I know, everyone thinks that love is the most important thing for a father to have, but I would hope that love was a no-brainer.  A matter of fact, I would assume in most cases that the ability to love your own child is a natural reaction. I’ve seen lots of fathers over my lifetime be given their newborn baby child, and watched with joy how that little bundle of life can tame even the most physically strong manly man.  Every man comes to terms with their physical strength, raging hormones, and clumsiness when they are given their newborn child. Within your huge, powerful hands, there is a fragile life, and you are overwhelmed with love and tenderness.  Suddenly, you are a father.  It is a Big deal!!!!  It is also scary stuff.  While most people can quote (1 John 4:8b)  God is love, very few people realize He is more than love.  Loving OUR children is in our DNA, because our DNA is God’s DNA.  Just as God is more than love, we have to be more than love.  

So, if we are the father that reveals the heavenly Father, how do we do it?  We’re far from perfect. We aren’t all mighty.  We aren’t eternal.  We aren’t ...God.  

Exactly.  As I’ve said before; Embrace the fail!  Let it humble you to the task.  Not only did God entrust you with knowing Him, but now as a father, you are entrusted with revealing the one true Father to your children, dare I say, His children.  For all practical purposes, you are ‘Heavenly Father in a can.’  Let that rest in your cranial cavity  a little while.  You will fail, but you will also succeed.

I’m not a sociologist, psychologist, or highly trained child development teacher.  What I know about raising tiny humans comes from experience, both bad, and good.  God doesn’t ask you to be God to your child.  He alone is God, and  He is the only one who can be God.  However, you can be a father, which is way better than trying to be God.  Why do I say that?  Because I don’t know how many times I’ve heard a father say to their child “I’m the boss of this family you’ll do what I say without any questions.”  We think because God appears to demand unquestioning strict obedience to Him, we as fathers must do the same.  NOT SO!  Godhood is not what being a father is all about.  As I said earlier, as men we aren’t perfect, blameless, all knowing, or any other description of God’s unique nature.  We are fathers, and have a responsibility to rightly reflect fatherhood in such a way that our children can see God as Father.  It is as FATHER that God is kind, merciful, full of compassion, and gracious.  It is as God that He is a deity beyond our knowing.  I prefer to know Him as Abba, Father, and fear Him as God. Many old school fathers would rather practice the inverse.  They want their children to fear them, and then hope that they’ll come to know them. As I’ve said before, if you allow yourself to be the disciplinarian, and momma gets to be the nurturer, your child will not have a healthy view of the Heavenly Father.

AS a quick review, there are some ground rules that I believe will help any Christian father be a wise, loving, and good father like our Heavenly Father.  First of all you must understand that your job as a father is just as important as your job providing money, being a husband, being a church member, or any other number of tasks you think you must do. When I counsel couples before they get married, I make it clear to them what their job as spouse is by showing them what they would do without their spouse. I don't know how many times I've heard young husbands say; "My life was great before I got married!"  Then they proceed to tell you all of the exciting things they did, the women they had, or the party life they gave up.  Which I would quickly call them out on.  I would quickly remind them that if they'd never got married, they would still need to go to work and make money.  They would still need to go to Church and serve as part of the community there.  If you weren’t married you would still engage in hobbies, and pastimes.  Your job as husband is not what you bring to the table, but what you bring to the person who sits at the table with you.The same thing is true when you become a father.  Instead of having only one person to be concerned with, you now have one, two, three more lives to be concerned with.  Now you have a serious job title, father.  Your job as a father is always a work in progress, and doesn’t end once they leave home. However, in my opinion, the first five years are the most critical years of your child’s development.  Later, they’ll discover if you are a good husband, pastor, church member, worker, or any other number hats you think you have to wear.  The only role that will be imprinted into their brain long after they’ve grown older is the role of father you embraced when they were tiny children.  

So, let’s get back to the wisdom thing.  While God didn’t get really explicit about how to raise a child, He did give us this beautiful book of wisdom called Proverbs.  Within this marvelous volume is infinite wisdom to guide you, and eventually guide your child in the affairs of life.  Everything to do with human nature is in that book.  To me, there is no greater self-help book a man can read than the book of Proverbs.  Living a life of wisdom will carry you past the winds of feelings, passions, emotions, tragedies, failures, successes, and victories that are life.  Within the book of Proverbs are the revelation of who God is.  HE IS WISE and JUST above all else.  He is JUST because He is wise.  Without wisdom, you could love your child with all of your heart and lead them straight to the pit of hell. It is wisdom that gives love its balance.  Good isn’t measured in love, but in wisdom.  Picture in your mind the indulged (spoiled) child.  You know they are loved!  You also know that they are loved too much.  They were showered with love without limits.  Every whim, every desire, every grasp of their hand was rewarded with what they wanted.  Then, suddenly life happens and they are rudely confronted with the knowledge that the world doesn’t spin just for them. A spoiled child makes you feel pity for them, not the parents. Wisdom would have limited their grasping hands, and muffled their tantrums.  Love without wisdom is like eating too much candy. 

  

Yes, get wisdom above all else.  It will keep you, and it will guard them.  Wisdom will make you a good husband, father, and teacher.  Let love empower your wisdom, but never let it overrule it.   This is how our heavenly Father describes himself.  Wisdom will help you when your child doesn’t know what they want or how to get it.  It will help you to explain life’s most difficult moments when love seems to be a million miles away.  One of the biggest problems with people who don’t know the wisdom of God, is that they try to frame this world in terms of love only.  I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the statement “If God is love, then why… “ enter any number of cruel misunderstandings that can be thought up. 

 

Without wisdom, every disaster, restriction, or roadblock in life appears to be a cruelty.  When you have God’s wisdom as the guide of your life, your children will be reassured, and comforted through the worst storms.  They will learn that through adversity comes strength. They will learn that love comes from struggle, and wisdom through experience.  They will learn to accept denial as easily as success.

 

Wisdom dampens the fires of our emotions, and steadies our thoughts until we are able to process the circumstances we find ourselves in.  Wisdom helps to explain the struggles, and give insight to the problems.  Wisdom lifts us above the circumstances, and frames our life in terms of truth.  Wisdom removes the rose colored glasses, and allows us to see clearly.

  

As a father, wisdom will help you to respond to your children instead of reacting to them.  Wisdom will help you to frame the boundaries of their life, as well as giving you boundaries to your own life.  Wisdom will help you to have better relationships with those around you, especially your family.  Wisdom will help you to be a better husband, which is the first quality your children should see.  Wisdom will help you to be a better son, to the father who may not have given you wisdom. 

 

So, how do you get wisdom.  First, ask for it.  (James 1:5)  Then, read a chapter in Proverbs every day, for the rest of your life.  WHAT?????   Yes, a chapter a day.  Eventually, they will be written down into your brain so that in any circumstance, you will have wisdom available to you.  If it is in your heart and mind, wisdom will guide everything you do.  Yes, it will even color your love with truth.  Wisdom comes from doing things God’s way.  Doing things God’s way will then be associated with you to your children. Almost every child will say that their daddy loved them, and then you get the ‘but,’ followed by a long list of complaints about your lack of parenting skills. ‘Dad was too strict,’ ‘Dad was too easy’  or ‘Dad wasn’t there.’  However, I am convinced that no child can ever complain about a father who made wisdom their goal.  If you seek wisdom, I promise you will hear your child describe you as the wisest, most loving man they know, and they will come to you for counsel.  They will probably do it sooner than later.  

  

SEEK WISDOM.  

MEMORIAL DAY

I just came back from my annual visit to the Boone County War Memorial at the town square.  Every year, for the last five years, I've made it a point to pray at the memorial. I go down on one knee, and touch a name, saying it softly, asking God to comfort the family that name belonged to.  Then I utter this one simple phrase; "God, help me to live in such a way as to honor their sacrifice."  I started doing this after watching 'Saving Private Ryan.'  

You see, I served in the Air Force from 1980 till 1995, and I feel as if I paid my civic duty to this great nation.  This day isn't about those who served, or those who are serving now. This day is to remember those who didn't come back. Yes, I know the cost in time, and family can't be explained to those who've never served. As much as I enjoyed my time of service, I can't come near the sacrifice of those who died in defense of this nation.  For that reason alone, I kneel at the memorial to honor those brave souls by remembering that they lay in a grave somewhere having their life cut short so that I might continue living.  

Teaching civics to your children isn't the job of the school.  I guarantee you, there are very few schools who teach military service as a civic duty any more.  Even more amazing is the knowledge that we haven't had a draft since the Vietnam War.  Those who's lives are engraved upon the  War on Terror memorial were volunteers.  They willingly chose to defend this nation.  

Memorial Day has become a travesty, it's hallowed meaning overcome by camping trips, BBQ's, lake outings, and backyard gatherings. So many of our children grow up never knowing even one name from their city, or county who never came home from the battlefield they were sent off to.  Many children don't even know of one relative who gave their life in one of our many conflicts.  Now, we sell wreaths, and grave decorations so that we can adorn the graves of any relative, while the purpose of this National Day of Remembrance disappears in our mindless pursuit of pleasures.  To many in this generation, it will be nothing more than the kick-off of summer.  Labor Day gets more honor than Memorial Day.   

I've spoke about this once before, and I feel as if I need to do it again before this day passes.  It isn't hard to bring your child to a knowledge of what this day is, if you take just fifteen minutes, and go to our city square.  Take a crayon, or a pencil and a piece of paper.  Ask your child to pick a name on the memorial and show them how to do an etching.  Then go to your knees and ask them to speak peace upon the family that name represents.  There is a wing of the memorial that is for our brave heroes who died in the war on terror.  Most of these names belong to young men who were barely out of high school when they made their sacrifice.  For some of those families, the sacrifice was too great, with the collateral damage being financial ruin, alcoholism, and in some instances suicide.  Who knows, maybe a little child's innocent prayer will send angels of peace to speak comfort to those still grieving. No matter what, I guarantee you, for those families of those on the memorial, this day isn't just a holiday.  

Is 15 minutes a price too high for you to pay? 

Before you walk away, look at the little cross at the top of the Memorial.  Did you know that Boone County had someone awarded the Medal of Honor?  Do you know the story behind that name?   Some of you have grown up in this city and may not even know about him.    

I'm going to sit down in a little while and play 'Saving Private Ryan'.  I'll do that so that I can see the last scene, and remind myself of the cost of liberty.  I'll do it because I have friends who died in the terror bombing at Al Khobar June 25th, 1996.  Just three years before that, I was in that very building, so I carry with me the knowledge that 20 young warriors died that night, and it could have been me.  

Our mighty nation is defended by less than 2% of it's population, is it too much to ask you to stop for 15 minutes, and tell your children what this day is all about?  

What The Father Says

I'm hoping this will be the last blog I write during our Coronavirus lockdown.  I've been trying to hold our place in the study by expanding upon the importance of talking to your children, and creating the 'lap of the father.'  My intention with our study into fatherhood was to be somewhere near the end of the study when Father's Day arrived.  

Wow!  Did I ever miss it.

If any of you saw this coming down the pike back in January please let me know.  I was listening to Hugh Hewitt every morning, and he and Senator Tom Cotton were talking about the virus while it was still in China.  Still even then, I had no clue that our nation would shut down, or that people would be forced to cower in fear in their homes.  

Here we are in the last week of May staring down a Memorial day holiday, unable to go where we would like to go.  I'm not holding out much hope for Father's Day. 

I have a project for all of you, and it will be one that even our 'non-fathers' can do.  Yes, it is going to require you to do something instead of just 'thinking'.  

I would like you to look back over the years and the many things you've heard your Dad say to you, and pick one thing he said that impacted you the most.  It doesn't have to be spiritual, and it doesn't have to be something he made up himself.  What I'm looking for is something that changed your outlook on life, or gave you a direction for your life that you live by today.  It doesn't have to be tender, gushy, or any of that other stuff that we guys tend to get uncomfortable with, but it needs to be a moment when what your father said altered your life.  To make it easy on you, Write it down!  Take a little time and write down what he said, and how it changed you. 

I'll start you off with my story and show you how easy it is.  

Of all the advice, guidance, and rules to live by, my Dad was fairly simple.  He wasn't talkative, and getting things from him usually involved delving into politics, women, or football.  So, while I was a child at home my Dad offered the same advice I'm sure many of you received; Don't lie, don't steal, don't hit a woman, don't cuss in front of women, don't talk back to your Mom, DON'T talk back to him. The one thing my father told me that changed my life wasn't spiritual, but it set me up for success for the rest of my life after he said it to me.   

I'd just been stationed at Mountain Home Idaho and I was 27 years old.  Our car was having terrible problems and I didn't have the money to buy a new one.  At the time I was driving 60 miles from Boise, Idaho to the base at Mountain Home.  I was in college, had two kids, and living in an 8' x 24' travel trailer.  It felt hopeless to me.  I was drowning in fear, and I didn't have the skills to fix my car.  In desperation I called my Dad, and told him what the car was doing.  After listening to me for about twenty minutes on a collect call, he finally determined that I was having carburetor problems.  "You're going to have to take it off and put in a repair kit."  he said.

WHAT???!!!!   

That was easy for him to say.  He, and his Dad had worked on cars together since he was a little boy.  I hadn't!  I was a book nerd, a dreamer, and other things he wasn't.  

"Dad,"  I said, "I don't think I can do it."  I replied, remembering all the broken watches, and other things I'd disassembled without being able to put them back together.  

"Dave, is it broke right now?"  He asked. 

"Yes, Sir."  I answered.  

"Is it gonna fix itself?"  

"No."  

"It's metal, Boy, somebody made it, and it can be fixed.  If it can't be fixed, you can buy a new one.  It's only metal, fix it."  

In hindsight I know now he was just trying to get me off the phone because he was paying for the long distance call, but what he said changed my life.  I know that's not very monumental, and isn't world changing, but for me it spoke volumes.  I went to the local auto store, bought a carburetor rebuild kit, put it on while following the directions, and danced with glee when the car purred like a kitten. 

From that moment on, nothing made of metal intimidated me.  If it was broke, I couldn't break it any more than it was already broke.  If I couldn't fix it, I could replace it.  It was only metal.   That confidence made me a successful Aircraft Repairman in the Air Force and changed my career.  It also allowed me to keep our family going through many years of vehicles in various states of repair with very little money.  

What you say to your children may seem to be hollow, and empty at the moment you say it, but I know from talking to many of you, that each of you have had moments when what your father said changed the course of your life.  

Write it down.  Take the time to put that memory on paper for the sake of your children, and their children.  Let's be prepared to read them on our first Sunday back together.  

As a Post Script, it is funny how things change as you get older.  Whenever Dad needs a carburetor rebuilt, he buys a kit, and gives it to me;  "I need you to do your magic, Boy.  I can't rebuild carbs as good as you."  

I smile while putting it in my truck, and say: "It's only metal, Dad, I'll fix it."    

I Wasn't Always a Father

This isn't a lesson, and you don't have to read any further, but it is my hope that you do.  A little over a year ago I had a conversation with one of our men about regrets.  I said I didn't have any, but that wasn't entirely true.  Many years ago (almost fourteen to be exact), I had a epiphany; regrets are nothing more than a lack of faith in God's promise to work all things for good.  I realized that I couldn't go back in time to redo things, nor could I apologize enough to make things right. This is especially true of being a father.  I truly believe that regrets rob us of our present, but as of late, due to being stuck at home, it seems I have lots of moments.  So, if you'll excuse me for being a little too transparent, I'm going to air one regret. This regret is from my childhood.  I know that was something akin to when dinosaurs roamed the earth, but believe it, or not, I wasn't always a father. This regret will seem silly, and trite, but it is real. As with all regrets, this one begins with the magical phrase; I WISH...

I wish I'd gone to Antartica.

When I was a wee young lad, I had dreams of going to Antartica.  I know that's not very spiritual, but for me, it was something I dreamed about, planned for, and even saved pop bottles for.

I was in the sixth grade, and had just read a book about Roald Admunson the first man to make it to the south pole.  I'm not sure if I was ten or eleven when I began dreaming of going to the south pole, but I do remember daydreaming about it. In my passion for all things Antarctic, I'd watched a science fiction movie about people at the south pole, and I designed my own snow tractor.  In my mind, I didn't need a motor, I could run the tracks using my old bicycle.  I would build it out of plywood, which is why I needed pop bottles.  My dad had all the saws and tools, so I could construct it in the back yard.  I drew up plans, saved up pop bottles, and read everything I could find about Antarctica.  One day my sixth grade science teacher caught me drawing my snow tractor in class.  He asked me what I was doing and I told him.  Instead of dashing my dreams with reality, he challenged me to keep on planning. Never once did I feel as if he didn't believe me.  I told him how I would make my way through Mexico, Central America, and then all the way down through South America.  From there, I would leave Argentina and make my way by ship to Antarctica.  I believed I could do it... 

Until Dad said; No!

I never made it to the South Pole, but to this day I can't resist a news article about the ice bound continent. When I pass this vale, my one regret will be that I didn't make it to Antarctica.

So what does Antarctica have to do with fatherhood?  It has to do with remembering you were a child once, and you weren't always a father. I keep talking to you about time, about talking with your children, but do you listen to them?  Do you listen to them with lifeless ears, dulled by years of unfulfilled dreams, and the clamor of reality, or do you remember a time when you weren't always a father.  Over the years I have counseled couples, and even young men about the course of their lives.  Sadly many people spend their lives wishing they'd married someone else, done something else, lived somewhere else, when the truth is they are actually looking for that child they used to be who they are inside.  In the last lesson I challenged you to create the lap of a father.  That should be a place where dreams are born, hope is given, and life is breathed into their soul.  The problem is we grow older, and forget the dreams, and the passions that motivated us. We stop believing in ourselves, and the God of the possible.

The first casualty of growing older is the ability to believe.  During this lockdown due to the Chinese Coronavirus,  I see so many lifeless souls moving around without dreams or hope.  Our society of fear locks people up in their homes, all under the premise that we're protecting the elderly and infirm. Liars, all of them.  They just fear for themselves. Their dreams, aspirations, and hopes have been replaced with fear. NO, I don't believe being a Christian exempts me from getting the virus. I'm sure many good Christians have died from it.  What being a Christian means is that you know this life isn't all there is. Death is inevitable, how you go there is the measure of your faith.

I had dreams of Antarctica, and being an explorer.  I had dreams of being a superhero...I had dreams.  So does every child.  Every little girl, and little boy dreams big dreams. Almost every boy my age would take a towel and a clothespin and become Superman in their mind. I think it is the most awesome gift of God that we dream bigger than ourselves.  I could tell you the dreams of my children, but I let reality scare me and them.  Sure, I know my intentions were good, but I wonder how much more they could have done if I'd followed them a little bit.

So many people say that seeing is believing, but I know that God told us we have to believe before we can see. It is that inverse of faith that has created all of mankind's greatest achievements.  That is the Kingdom gift we often leave behind as we grow older.  My sixth grade science teacher, Mr. Pope looked at my sketches in a spiral notebook and didn't laugh.  He encouraged me to do the research, and challenged me to know more about my dream.  One day, that dream was torn out of the notebook, crumpled up and thrown into a trash bin.
Even though I would love to go to Antarctica today, my other childhood dreams have been realized. I joined the Air Force and worked on jet fighters, I served God all my life.  Now, I have a wonderful wife, great children, and awesome grandchildren, a nice home, good vehicles, a bank account, and a loving awesome heavenly Father.  I've done things that some of you would not believe, and been happy for the doing. 

I just haven't been to Antarctica.

Do you know what your children dream of doing?  It'll change over the years, but some dreams live on inside you despite being that grumpy, old, spoil sport called a father.  I challenge you to do a trip down memory lane, and discover the boy you were before you became a father. Find a moment to share that with your child on the lap of the father.  You'll probably never have this chance again to have so much time with your children, and to show them that you weren't always a father, but a wide eyed, goofy, dreamy child just like them. Eventually, we're all going to go back to work, get out in public, go to church, and do all the busy things we did before this pandemic.  Have you stopped to remember what it was like before you were a father?

THE LAP OF THE FATHER, TALKING TO YOUR CHILDREN

CORONAVIRUS BLURP!  Believe it or not, this lesson was actually the second lesson I wrote many months ago.  It seems odd to be going back through it after all we’ve been through in this Wuhan Chinese Coronavirus pandemic. Whether you like it, or not, sheltering in place has changed our parenting dynamic.  We talked about it last week a little bit, but I'd wager your little ones have seen more of you than ever before in their short lifetimes.  Those of you, whose children are grown up, I guarantee you, you wish you could be with them right now.  Although I'm not sure if the feeling would be reciprocal.

As you can tell from the title of this week’s study, the emphasis is upon talking with your children.  This is a hard thing to do if you are busy making a living, chasing hobbies, serving the church, or just trying to relax after a hard day’s work.  The truth is, you can’t ‘relax’ while parenting, and if you’re not careful you could end up talking TO your children instead of WITH them.  If you have even one child, you are outnumbered because their energy level is exponentially greater than yours.  That is why I believe it takes two people to raise a child. That is not a criticism of single parent homes, but even single parents would have to admit that it is much easier when there are two parents.  With single parent homes, there is no time off, period.  At least with two parents you can throw the children at the other spouse and say; “Here they’re yours, I’m getting away from them for a while.”  

For us guys, that is usually a major threat to our manliness. "Wait, talk to my Child!!!"  It can get even more intense if you’d planned to do something, and suddenly the children are a part of your plans.  Talking with children younger than 10 or 11 years old can tax every listening skill you ever learned.  Is it me, or do YOUNG children seem to talk at 78 rpm all the time?  (That’s phonograph record lingo for you digital age people.)

When I give pre-marital counselling to couples, I always tell them the three "C's" of a good marriage.  One of those is Communication.  Communication is more than talking. Doing things with your child is important, and finding their interests should be your major goal, as that is the place you can find out how they think. Playing is a major tool for learning.   You can teach a child most of what they need to know within the confines of their interests.  To a large degree, you can control their interests by making it a place of interaction with them.  Talking with your child is crucial.  As they are growing, they are seeing life unfold around them in ways they often don’t understand, especially in the middle of this virus pandemic.  We may think they are too young to grasp the deeper issues of life, when in fact, if you don’t explain the deeper things in life, they will fill in what they don’t understand with immature thinking until you tell them otherwise. (More about that in later lessons).  

My best advice for all of you who are fathers of young children, is to start talking to them early.  This lesson is primarily for those of you who have infant children, or toddlers. Although, Grandpas can make the lap an even more special place. Dad's you need to create what I call the ‘lap of the father.’  This should be a place they can run to when they want answers, when they are afraid, or when they are unsure of what to do. It should be a place of relationship, and a place of safety.  Your lap should rarely be a place of punishment, but more a place of instruction, safety, and warmth. I don’t know where ‘taking a child over your knee’ comes from, but I can tell you that it will destroy the lap of the father.  My father never spared the belt or willow whip, but I was never put over his knee.  I can’t stress enough how important the lap of the father as a place of safety should be.  Your knees are the gateway to your lap, and that place should never be a place of dread. It is never too late to create the lap of the father, but it will take more work the older they are. After you have punished them, draw them into your lap and explain to them what they just went through.  Our heavenly Father does this all the time.

  

When children are infants is the best time for you to create the lap of relationship.  We now know that a child can hear in the womb.  For the latter part of the pregnancy the mother has provided the sounds and voice to the world they are in.  For nine months the child is carried in the lap of the mother.  At birth, the world explodes upon them in a cacophony of sound and light.  Welcome to planet earth!!!!  Now you can give them input.  Talk to them about what you hope they become, what your hopes are for their life, and how much you love them.  Prophecy over them!!! As you speak your heart to them, speak it in your conversational voice, not the cutesy voice we use to make them giggle, and laugh.  Let your heart go into places you only dreamed of.  I promise you, this will be there for them to see and hear later.  I have a vivid memory from when I was still in diapers, and even more vivid memories from when I was five. Don’t stop talking to your children.  Never stop telling them how much you love them.  Draw them into your lap as the place of tenderness. Even when they are bawling their eyes out for something you can’t seem to fulfill, give them the reassurance of your love.  They should never be made to feel afraid when they are in your lap.  If they are sick, injured, or wounded in spirit, your lap should be their refuge.  This will prepare them for the lap of their heavenly father. Thankfully I received this teaching from a wonderful man of God before I even began my family, and it is one of the few things I feel I did right. 

My daughter Amanda was a colicky baby, (she didn’t handle milk well) and she was often very uncomfortable, cranky, and cried a lot.  Holding her seemed to help her, but more than anything, singing to her seemed to work most of all.  I sang to her all the time.  I would get my guitar out, and play lullabies for her.  She would soon calm down enough for me to tell her it would be alright.  To this day, Amanda is moved by a soft voice and lyrical tones.  My example isn’t for every child, but the safety of your lap is.  Finding out what soothes them, and calms their fears is the first step in giving them a lap of safety.

What happened with my daughter is how I know infants are imprinted by what we say.  It starts early, but it is never too late to create a safe place for them.  Something that will get me riled up, is when I see a father pat his lap and let the family pet sit there, but push away the child. To say the least, the most tender memories of my children, and grandchildren is when I held them in my lap or when they were sleeping upon my chest. I can tell you from experience that someday they will wiggle, and squirm their way out of your lap, but it will always be a place of comfort when they are frightened or need you. I can't express the feeling of awe I felt when my children were infants and I would cradle them in my arms and listen to their breathing.  That is a powerful connection that even now brings tears to my eyes.  

Use the infant years to imprint your greatest hopes for them.  Who can proclaim evil upon a little infant?  You have the power to bring life and godliness into their life while they are just forming their perception of the world.  Read the bible to them while they are in your lap.  Read one or two chapters a day to them.  You may never see a light come on in their little eyes, but believe me it goes in.  

Another way to talk to them is through song.  When my children were infants we listened to Christian bands and artists.  To this day, my children have a love for the artists I exposed them to, even though that music is no longer played.  They don’t know how much of that music they were exposed to.  IT WAS A LOT!  Combine that with what I wrote for my kids and it was a lot of Christian music.  

IF you don’t know what to say, say anything you feel.  I refuse to believe that when a man holds their infant child for the first time that they aren’t completely awestruck with the life they hold in their hands. Let them know how awestruck your are by telling them.   Speak your hopes and dreams upon them.

Pray with them.  I wish I’d done more of that as a young father.  I can make excuses for why I didn’t, but they would just be excuses.  I didn’t pray with my children.  Wish I had, but we’ll expand upon this in a later study. 

Talk with your children so that you can draw them out instead of guessing.  Let them tell you what they are thinking.  If what they are thinking scares you, don’t show it.  Ask them why they feel the way they do.  You may find out they’ve watched a TV show or movie that affected their thinking.  You may also find out that they have a friend, or peer who is teaching them things that are in direct opposition to what you are teaching them.  You may find out that they have questions that are born out of a naturally inquisitive mind.  My mother discovered I was naturally curious about how things work when I was less than five years old, and she bought a set of encyclopedias to feed my natural curiosity.  They were published in 1959 and I devoured them.  She said she would find me in the closet with a flashlight reading them long past my bedtime. 

Talking with your children is the only way you will know them.   Put away the hobbies, the TV, the smartphone, the game console, and talk with them.  When they begin to pick up the things you’ve put away, use that as an opportunity to talk with them.  Establish that connection now, and you will have it forever...well at least until that age when they want to do things they know you won’t agree with.  That too is a lesson for another day. I have to admit that I don’t know how to help you (or me for that matter) if your children are beyond the formative years to develop the lap of the father.  I do know, you can talk with them and let them know you are sorry you didn’t.  Apologies can’t replace the time, but they can redeem the time you have left. Talking takes time, and is the best investment you can make.  Don't let the TV, games, or friends dictate your child's interest.