With the hundreds of self-help titles available in Christian books stores and online, it makes you wonder why so many Christian's lives are still so messed up? Why doesn't the words on the page make it to the brain cells that are supposed to put those words into action and make us successful in our Christian walk? Why do thousands of pastors and teachers have to gather every week to recite passages and expound upon thoughts that are clearly written on the page? With all of the wonderful easy to understand translations of the Bible, why do so many of us have a hard time getting the message?
Actually the answer is one word; CONDEMNATION.
The book that is actually meant to help you, has to convince you that you are. . .wr. . .wro... wrong. I don't care how carefully they, or even myself craft the argument, the basic premise is that something is wrong or lacking, and you can fix it. Without even realizing it, you immediately stand in deficiency and inadequacy. The book or teaching immediately puts you in confrontation. You stand accused, lacking, and requiring the help the book or teacher promotes. The implication of the teaching is; “I have the answer, you need the cure.” Religions across the globe are built upon that premise. Psychology and philosophy make their bed in that premise. It is the very thing that Christ came to destroy. The problem with Christian self-help books, is the word 'Self.'
As the Apostle Paul so eloquently argues in every one of his letters, if 'he' (the 'law,' the birthright, the act of mutilation, the act of denial, or any action I can take on my part,) were able to justify his standing with God, there would be no need for Jesus to have died on the cross. Christianity would become another empty religion. Hucksters and charlatans would be able to devise empty fables, and enslave once more. THIS IS THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY HEART!
What brought this train of thought on, was a conversation with a dear brother in the Lord, who approached me with weariness in his heart. “Don't you think that this whole “slave” thing is too much?” he asked. “It just seems like it robs the joy from the walk.”
GASP AND GULP!
Had I passed that point of exhortation to condemnation?
This brother is special to me in ways I can't explain. His feelings and thoughts are important to me. He's one of those people who can beat themselves up just fine without anyone being around to help him. The last thing I wanted to do was add to his condemnation or steal his joy. It's the last thing I want to do to any person. I know the feeling all too well, myself. Condemnation is the joy sapper.
The question still remains, how do I continue to teach “Every Man's Marriage” without putting guilt and condemnation upon my brothers? I've tried so hard to make all of these wonderful men know that I am in this journey with them. The things I've learned from the book, are slowly making their way into my daily life. Never mind that at 56 years old, the questions I face in my own life cause me to doubt the good of what I'm teaching. I wonder if I will ever be able to undo the damage I've done to my wife during our 35 years of marriage. I find myself battling five decades of selfish thinking and desires. My flesh has had its way for so long, I don't even know if I'm changing. Will my wife ever believe that I truly love her? I wish I'd had this book 35 years ago. I wish someone had taught me. . . .
There it is!
My dearest brother in Christ, it isn't about us. It isn't about the knowledge that we were ignorant of those things that could have made a difference in our lives. We didn't know. It's about your son, it's about the sons of all of our brothers who sit down with us at the table every Sunday morning and open ourselves up to criticism and self-evaluation. Our sons have the opportunity to become better men. It won't be for a lack of knowledge if they fail. I can see it in every one of the young men who've grown up in our midst. All you have to do is look at the ones who've grown up and are married. Look at their marriages. You can see how much better they are at it than we were. The things they are learning in “Every Man's Marriage,” and many of the other books we've read, will send them light years beyond us. That alone makes it worth the guilt and condemnation I feel in my own life.
As I mulled your concerns over in my heart, the Lord rebuked me for not practicing a basic principal of learning. The moment of application. I've never taught another man's material before, and I'm not able to discern the exact moment to stop and give you guys a chance to breathe. The Lord brought to my mind the picture of a runner in a competition. Every runner gives their all. They run flat out till they cross the finish line. If you've ever watched the Olympics, you can't help but sympathize with the runners as they collapse after throwing everything they have into the race. It doesn't matter whether they are sprinters or marathon racers, the end is always the moment to breathe. Not that they weren't breathing before, but the breathing at the finish is to restore life giving oxygen to the body that has used its available supply. God demanded that we take one day to cease from OUR labors. He demanded that we breathe in the breath of life that is HIM. He is rest. He is our help. The last thing a runner wants at the end of the race is for someone to thrust a T-bone steak in his face and demand that he eat it. He wants to breathe. The Holy Spirit is our air. He is so important. The time to eat is before the race and a while after it. At the end of the race, when we need to rest from our exertions, we simply need to breathe.
Another problem with so many pastors and teachers, is that we fail to let people cross the line. We're like some kind of crazed maniac who keeps moving the line as the runners run. We don't even realize when we've done it. Then, we wonder why everyone collapses of exhaustion. This isn't God's intent for us. He never moves the line. However, He does start a new race. Last week we were looking at living righteously with our wives, this week we're looking at how to give our wives more time. I failed to let you know you'd crossed the line. The problem isn't with God, as much as it is with this teacher. I'd failed to let all of you have a chance to catch your breath. I'll work on that. Even when God was leading the children of Israel in the wilderness, he would allow them time to rest. I can't seem to find the place to rest in this book. It's not the author's fault. I'm not preparing like I should.
Like the rest of you, I want nothing more than to show my wife that I love her. The tools in “Every Man's Marriage,” help me in that desire. The knowledge in John MacArthur's book “Slave,” help augment that teaching. As teacher and coach along the road of life, I can only hope that I can avoid the trap of making people feel condemned.
BREATHE!
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