One Sentence or in this case, one missing sentence can wound someone you love deeply. Actually, I know that even one word can injure, but in this case, I missed a complete sentence. At first, when Bro. Dale brought Sunday’s blog to my attention, I couldn’t understand what he was upset about. When I wrote the blog, I knew I’d agreed with what he said and couldn’t see how I’d embarrassed him. I was heartsick as I worked through the rest of the afternoon. Once I got home, I looked up the blog and became sick to my stomach.
Aaauuuuuuggggghhhh! What happened?
Let me give you a reason why this is important, when we began this study into Every Man’s Marriage we were going to record it so we could send an audio file to our young men in college. It didn’t take long for us to figure out that wasn’t a good idea, because we wanted this study to be open and transparent. Hanging our raw uncensored feelings out for anyone to listen to didn’t seem wise. Let’s face it, some of us older guys are still working to undo years of ignorance and unscriptural ideas of the male role in a marriage. We’ve been enjoying a great deal of transparency right now that I don’t want to lose. Recording the sessions just didn’t seem wise. Bro. Charles Summers suggested posting my lesson sheets on our website, but I didn’t want to run afoul of copyright laws. He then suggested that I write a blog.
I can do that! Or, so I thought.
One of the stipulations was that I wouldn’t embarrass anyone by mentioning who said stupid things. HOWEVER, I am so proud of everyone in the men’s group, I never fear mentioning when someone says something profound or noteworthy. If I write it down without attributing it to someone, it could be mistaken for coming from me, and I never want credit for wisdom I don’t possess. Which brings me to Bro. Dale.
My Brother Dale has this uncanny knack for distilling an idea I’m reaching for into a life experience that makes it real and down to earth. (I tend to wax philosophical and like dwelling on the esoteric.) I completely agreed with Dale’s analogy of our role as servant leaders being like the leader of a firefighting crew who’s been given a crew to supervise. He explained how they were assigned to him to fight the fire and his responsibility to ensure their health, welfare, and safety. He compared this to how God assigns our wives to us to accomplish a mission that we must do together, but her being on ‘his’ crew didn’t mean that she was his possession. I LOVED IT> Except, that’s not what come out in the blog. One sentence came up missing when I did a cut and paste in my tirade against the modern day feminist movement.
Bro. Dale, this is my deepest and most sincere apology for being careless with the words I’m entrusted with. You are a precious, and amazing man of God. You were misrepresented and I’m so sorry.
Here is the text as it was written. (I keep all my blogs as I wrote them before transferring them to the blogsite.) Sunday’s blog is in italics, and the missing sentence is underlined.
Bro. Dale brought up the word ‘assigned’ as a description of his responsibility to his wife. God assigned her to him. She is fully qualified in and of herself, but he has assigned her to him. Her health, welfare, safety, and person are his responsibility. Dale didn’t like the idea of his wife being his property. One hundred years ago, this wouldn’t have been an issue. She would be considered his property. As enlightened and tender as Bro. Dale’s thoughts are, they would not be acceptable to the modern feminist movement, because they would resent the patronizing idea of a man having to be responsible for them.
Why is this an issue? Because, we as men often do things based upon the idea that it is our ‘right’ to do so. Our concept of marriage is formed within the context of our modern American culture. Most modern marriages are reflections of a flawed spiritual view of what oneness is. Pre-nuptial agreements prove that there is the knowledge going in, that there is always the possibility of a way out. It assumes failure before failure is realized. To me, this is worse than considering someone to be your property. When I own something, it is mine. The only way that status changes is if someone steals it from me, or I lose it. Either way, I’m responsible for it. If my wife is given to me by the Lord, she is my responsibility. She belongs to the Lord, but I am her custodian. He gave her to me, and no one else. NOW, whether you want to believe God gave me to my wife or not, the truth is, she is my responsibility within the eyes of the law. If you don’t believe that, let her get a credit card, and then see who has to pay it off. If she writes a hot check on my bank account, I will have to pay for it. If she has a wreck in the car, I will be responsible for the damages. These are all legal proof that she is my responsibility and I am accountable for her legal and financial actions. While our society may be changing, the law still reflects the Judaeo-Christian view of ‘oneness.’
Those who know me, know that I chafe at the idea of sexism on either side of the aisle. We are human beings. Crudity, lust, stupidity, ignorance, rebellion, greed, power lust, and the entire spectrum of human indecency are not contained within one gender or the other. Man or woman, we are all capable of terrible evil or amazing good. It rips me up one side and the other when either gender engages in bashing the other gender based upon stereotypes or non-scriptural role assignment. Dale is the furthest thing from this! I know his heart toward his wife. She is blessed to have a man who’s heart is so completely set upon her happiness.
SOOOOOOO, for future reference, if any of you men in our group see your name in the blog, you know I was impressed with what you said and wanted to give you credit. If it doesn’t come out right or sound right, you can also be assured, it was the cut and paste monster that made it sound wrong. I shall try to be double careful in the future.
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