THE QUESTION

This morning's lesson was filled with deep and powerful insights brought forward by the Holy Spirit. For you young men who are away at school, I'm going to basically transfer the lesson sheet over to the blog. I don't like doing it, because I don't want to run afoul of copyright laws. I hope and pray that I haven't said anything or quoted anything without permission. This was the last lesson on Chapter Seven of “Every Man's Marriage.”

Before handing out the lesson sheet for the day, I asked the married men in our group to give us one thing that was a benefit of being married. The question arose out of Brother Fred Stoekers statement that there were many paradoxical blessings that arose out of being submitted to our wives. I wondered if our men could see the paradoxical blessings of being submitted to their wives. It was fascinating to hear the replies. I won't tell you who said what, but I'll give you the list of what was said with slight paraphrasing.

1. Companionship,
2. Someone to walk through this life with, who'll always be there with you.
3. Enjoying the favor of the Lord, through the blessing of a wife.
4. Fulfillment and validation,
5. Fellowship and companionship with someone who fills in the gaps in our nature and personality.
6. Someone to share your life with who fills in the gaps
7. Restoration of lost hope and someone to make you feel whole
8. Someone who changes your life gently through their presence in your life
9. Someone to challenge them to be better spiritually.

It's amazing how we tend to look at things from our own point of view instead of our spouses. In today's society we are trained to concentrate on ourselves above others.  "Take care of #1"  is the mantra of modern culture.  So, if all of modern society is teaching us to take care of #1, it makes me wonder: 

WHY BE A SLAVE TO YOUR WIFE

It's a simple question, but obviously for millions (billions?) of men, the answer is both elusive and complex. I know it was for me. Today, the press of life, disparity in pay, media bias, and cultural perversion make acting upon the idea of bond service difficult, even if you know the answer. I know that in my own life, it is difficult and frustrating trying to make the mindset real for my wife Glenda and myself. ONE THING I KNOW, I will not do it for any reason other than I must consider myself a slave. I will do it to convince my flesh, but not to receive a blessing. For me it is a work in progress, one that I am unwilling to give up on.

Bringing this study into Chapter Seven to a close, I want to highlight Fred's best ideas and put aside the ones that I believe are there to make submission more palatable. There is nothing palatable about being a slave. I don't care how you paint it or even how you try to 'sell' it, slavery is not palatable. You  can't candy coat it or make it taste sweet.  There is a deeper more fulfilling reason for being a slave to your wife, but first, let me start by making a list of what Fred believes will happen when you submit to your wife in the spirit of a bond-servant. He calls them “paradoxical blessings,” you tell me what you call them.

1. You will enjoy stronger leadership.
2. You will “affair-proof” your marriage.
3. It will improve your sex life.

I won't argue with him on this, but these aren't the reasons for being a servant leader in your home. Look at the emphasis. It brings it back down to doing something to get something. The older I get, the harder it is for me to stomach this kind of thinking. I guarantee you, this same kind of self centered thinking exists in our churches. “If you give your heart to Jesus, you'll escape hell.” It's a self serving religion if you allow it to be. God becomes your own personal vending machine for any goody you want. Forget the relationship, you can use his name to secure healing, personal wealth, and personal power. Even in our relationship with Jesus, we can run the risk of doing the same thing we do with our wives. The intimate moments we have with Jesus can turn into empty and selfish “sex.” How many times have you heard someone say “Wow, I sure was blessed today, that was a powerful move of God's Spirit.” Or, at worse, “That was a waste of time, I didn't feel a thing.” As Christians, we do all the right things, say all the right words, and even do special things to get Jesus to 'perform' for us. We think he should be willing to 'bless' us with his presence anytime we desire it. It was 'good for us,' but was it good for him? Like Fred is fond of saying: “Sound familiar?” Yes, it is about marriage. If we're selfish in our relationship with Christ, we'll be selfish in our relationship with our spouse. It is about maturity. Thank God, our savior understands and knows what we are. His mercy is timeless and he is doing the one thing we should be doing for our spouse. Turn to page 91 in your book. “A bondservant loves his master as he loves himself, and he's committed to helping his master fully live and fully blossom as a person.”

THERE IT IS! That is the WHY. That is the reason for being a bondservant to your wife. You knew God trusted you with her for a reason! It isn't because you're a hunk of burning love, it's not because you can bring home the bacon better than anyone else, and it's definitely not because you are God's gift to women. You were entrusted with one of God's precious daughters, a blessed ewe lamb, one of his princesses to make her shine brighter than yourself. If you have failed to give her an environment within which to blossom in every area of her life, you have failed in your primary mission as a husband. You failed to live up to one of the marriage vows, which is to cherish her. In cherishing something, you elevate it to an honored status, valuing it more highly than yourself.

Fred gives a marvelous list of things we can do to increase our 'serve.' Let me list them for you.

• Study to find better ways to serve her.
• Grow and develop new skills to better serve her.
• Do everything you can do to build up her self esteem and standing in the community
• Treat her thoughts and opinions as being as valuable as your own.
• Make room for her to exercise her unique gifts.
• Make allowances for her weaknesses
• Protect her faith in you and in God (They are uniquely tied together)
• Be relentless in purging yourself of faults and imperfection
• ENJOY serving!

These are the same things we must do in our relationship with Christ in order to have a true relationship. They should sound familiar as scripture verses.

• Study to show yourself approved (2^nd Tim 2:15)
• Furnish your faith with: . . . . (2^nd Peter 1: 3-8)
• in order that in everything God may be Glorified (1 Peter 4:7-10)
• Lean not on your own understanding (Prov 3:5-6)
• forgive one another (Col 3:12-14)
• guard your hearts and minds (Php 4:5-7)
• Rejoice always (Php 4:4)

It should be clear how inextricably our marriages are linked to our relationship to Christ. We can't separate them out. As I look back over the years of my own life, I can see the lean years of my relationship with Christ mirrored in the tough years between Glenda and I. I can see my spiritual immaturity echoed in my marital immaturity. There are no excuses, no lies, no reasons I can offer except for a failure to study, obey, serve, forgive, protect, and enjoy.

For me, chapter seven is the most profound portion of the book. The rest of the book is the how, but in this chapter we know the 'why.' We are faced with the reason for our 'being' and with the ultimate expression of our being. To provide an environment that allows another person to be all that they can be without any chance for reward or compensation.

There is one paradoxical blessing that I like, that grows as a result of a right relationship; Children!

THAT IS WHY WE AND OUR WIVES HAVE TO BE SLAVES TO ONE ANOTHER, SO OUR CHILDREN CAN SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

That was the lesson sheet, but as you guys know, there is always much more said during the course of the study. Brother Aaron is a joy to listen to, and his life speaks louder than his words. He pointed out that if we are doing the 'servant' thing to get the blessings, we are doing it out of our own strength and we get our reward here. He stated that being a slave should be what we are, not what we do.

I agree!

While we were discussing how slaves go about doing their master's bidding, Brother Jim made one of the most profound statements of the morning. He pointed out that when the master wants something done for his household, he doesn't ask us to pull something from our own account, but he provides us the funds to do the work. However, if we attempt to pull those funds from our own account we'll always come up short. His is the bountiful supply and we have to rely on his provision. In our position as slave, he knows the need and has the means to meet the need.

YES, AMEN.