For those who weren't there, I can't begin to describe how fantastic our last men's group was. We've had some good ones in the past, but this one was 'more better' than most. We're still in chapter fourteen of 'Every Mans Marriage,' and it is some good stuff. I wish this book had existed when I married my wife. More than that, I wish I'd have had the men around me that we have in this fellowship. When I was a teenager, all we learned was the stories of the patriarchs, the book of Revelation, and living to be 'rapture ready.' The idea of teaching men and young men to be better husbands and fathers wasn't even on the radar. What a shame. My wife would have been blessed, I would have been blessed, and my children would have been blessed.
So, why did I just say all of that? Because, we hit upon some fantastic truths Sunday morning that can change up our marriages in a big way. Thankfully, I wasn't the source of the truths. ONCE again, our Bro. Michael Crouch stepped up to the plate and laid down some deep truth and ideas. The title of chapter 14 states that we have to 'study' our wives in order to better serve them. I wish they'd have put this chapter at the beginning of the book.
We built off of last week's statement, that if we learn to pray daily with our wives, we can learn what is important to them by listening to what they pray for.
Pastor Eric emphasized that it is all part and parcel of 'paying attention' to your wife. The husband who cares about what his wife thinks and how she feels, will put her prayers together with her other expressions and discover her true essence.
The idea was put forward that if we are studying, we are 'reading' our wives the same way we study in school. We don't just memorize what is written, but we work to understand what we read. It was mentioned that many of us hear our wives, but we don't listen to our wives. It's like reading and not comprehending. We know what they said, but we don't understand it. It's not that they can't be understood, it's because we are often too busy, too self-absorbed, or even too lazy to try and understand. They give us warning signs, red flags, and even speed bumps, but we're flying so low, or going so fast, we don't pay attention to them. We can be in the same room with our loving brides, but not be there. One of the first signs we've trampled on our wife's essence, will be when she doesn't care what you think. It should be a big flashing warning sign. When she answers your query to how she's doing with “fine,” then you'd better get busy and figure out why she's not doing 'great.' (There's more to this statement, but it was only funny in context.)
One of the more interesting moments came about when we carried the 'studying' analogy out to it's logical conclusion. One of the major ways teachers measure whether you are comprehending what you are studying is by tests. The test for whether you know you wife, is in what you do. Your actions are how she knows if you truly know her essence. Most of the time, those 'tests' are going to be daily 'pop quizzes' that deal with 'now' issues. While most of us men tend to be 'future' oriented, women are reacting to the moment. Our tests won't be things we can see coming, but things we fall into. Bro. Aaron pointed out that it is the score from our pop quizzes that add up. We guys are good at semester exams and end of course type tests, but we totally mess up in the daily quizzes. For most of our wives, the grade we get from them is 90 percent for pop quizzes and 10 percent semester exams. Some of us are so lazy, we're always begging her for extra credit or make-up tests. “I promise honey, I'll do better the next time.”
If we've failed the pop quizzes, she isn't about to trust us with extra credit or make-up tests. Which is where Bro. Michael Crouch brought up the issue of trust. He talked about how important it was for our wives to trust us. That trust is based upon repeated performance. Without trust, we don't have a relationship. That trust is built in listening to her prayers, seeing her outreach, and focusing in on her desires above our own. If she knows we are all about her, she'll be far more apt to make her man the focus of her life.
WOW! Now do you see why I thought it was such a good study? This is the kind of stuff that can heal marriages and make families stronger. I guess the next big question is: do we really want to do that? The quizzes will show whether we do or not.
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