Good Enough

There are times I feel sorry for people looking at Christianity from the outside in. We must appear to be suffering from multiple personality disorder. One moment we're telling people that they can't do a thing to earn their salvation, and in the next we're giving them a long list of things that they need to do to remain a Christian. As religions go, Christianity has the greatest potential for abuses and confusion over any of the others. History bears me out on it. As a teacher, and Pastor, this ability to diffuse or confuse is always utmost in my mind whenever I'm teaching. How do I walk the fine line between admonition and condemnation? How do I make the distinction between exhortation and confrontation? I think what bothers me most, is that we are at a point in our study of Every Man's Marriage, where it is easy to fall into the trap of beating people up with the club of perfection. The problem isn't with Christ, and it isn't with the Church, it's with us. We think we know what a Christian should look, talk, and act like. If they don't, . . .BAM! . . . We bash them over the head with the word, or some great spiritual revelation that reveals their need to allow us to improve them. We're anxious to tell people; let me remove the splinter from your eye, but ignore the log in mine. While I know these problems exist in the church, it is the last thing I want to do to any of my brothers in the Lord. Lately, I've been so concerned about heaping condemnation upon the men of our faith fellowship. This is especially so, in the area of our families.

Over the last two Sundays, we've been looking at Chapters 8 and 9 of Every Man's Marriage. Chapter 8 was fairly straightforward, as bondservants to our wives, we have no rights. Everything we do, we do as unto the Lord. We treat our wives better than ourselves because in some mystical way we can't explain, they are ourselves, . . . they is us. . .we is them. . . we are one. We are confronted with another of Christianity's paradoxes; if I treat my wife better than myself, I am actually treating myself better than myself. If I give up my individual rights, I gain more liberty than I had before, through oneness with my wife.

HUH?

No, I'm not a candidate for a mental hospital. There is this marvelous spiritual principal that changes any sacrifice I may attempt to make, into a blessing for me. It doesn't matter how hard I try to make it about others, the Lord and Master of my life turns my selflessness into a blessing for me. (Word of warning, you can't manipulate God. It has to be genuine selflessness.) I wish I knew how it worked, but I don't. All I know, is that if I allow the Holy Spirit to express his love for my wife through me, I'm the one who get's the blessing. If I give up all my rights, I'm given far more freedom than I could ever ask for. If I give my wife all my time, I end up with twice as much time as I had before. (Yes, the same is true for the ladies.)

This week's lesson was shaped and formed by outside circumstances that helped to give credence to what we're learning. I began the lesson by talking about fathers needing to be more engaged in their son or daughter's computer experience. I had an unfortunate event happen to me, and I wanted to give everyone some information to help them avoid the same pitfall. One of the other circumstances was going to see Courageous at the movie theater. I was amazed by how much of what was said and promoted in the movie, was exactly what we've been doing for the last five years. If you haven't been to see the movie yet, I highly recommend it. Don't wait for it to come to DVD. Let's be on the same page on this one. I know it will be here in Harrison until Thursday night at least.

One reason you need to go see Courageous now, is that it mirrors what we're learning in chapters 8 and 9. The entire essence of the movie is your responsibility as a husband and father is going to require the sacrifice of your rights and time. What makes it so powerful, is that it demonstrates the biblical principal of giving. When you surrender yourself to your wife and child, you get so much more back than you gave away. I wish I could explain it without making it sound like a vending machine kind of faith. I've grown so weary of the 'me' centered messages you hear on Christian channels, and I don't want to sound like one. Christian radio is chock full of preachers promising you everything but the moon if you'll do what they suggest. Their message can be distilled down into one terrible lie: You're life will be perfect, your days will be long, and your baskets full of dollar bills, if you just follow their advice. The power of the Gospel is in how it changes your perspective, not your situation. If you follow the example of Christ, your love will be perfect, your days will be full, and your basket will overflow. . . with blessings. . . for others. You'll want it that way.

After I moved past the discussion of the movie, we opened up the Bible and read Ephesians 5: 15-17. Then, we opened up Every Man's Marriage to chapter nine. It didn't take us long to get to the heart of the matter. When we begin to discuss the issue of time, it always ties into making the person you give your time to, feel valuable. Our wives want to know that they are important to us, and time is the currency you use to validate it.

Brother Aaron brought out how it is even more than just giving them our time, but also giving them our attention. If we are engaged with them, listening, and connected with them, they will know how valuable they are to us. Time is what they want, but they want us to be with them when we are giving them that time. In listening to our wives, we expend time on them.

Okay, Aaron, it's about time for you to start teaching young men.

We made a sliding return to the movie again and discussed how being engaged in our families is how we can protect them from the dangers that are out there. We have to spend time giving our wives and our children the truths we learn and making sure they aren't involved in things that could lead to their destruction. Interest requires time and being connected. This can also lead to confrontation

Our discussion took a small detour as we discussed the dangers of chat rooms and unsupervised facebook accounts. (One of the underlying thoughts beneath any discussion of marriage is children.) The connected age we live in, demands a different kind of vigilance on the part of fathers. The young boy talking to your 15 year-old daughter on facebook, may actually be a 40 year old pervert. As Christians we aren't to live in fear, but at the same time we are to be vigilant and cunning. I wouldn't allow a stranger to roam the hallways of my house so why would I allow one to roam the digital hallways of my house?

Back to the lesson. Did we ever leave? The discussion turned to what we allow to occupy our time. Strangely, I was amazed at how easy it was to point to computers and phones as things which can rob us of our time with our families. Actually, I'd been leaning more toward our jobs. I didn't get the chance to look at our time surveys, but I do believe that work is the number one intrusion into our time with our wives and children. I think TV is a close second, but video games could be there too. I also wonder if 'church' activities could be in the mix? But, we didn't go there. It's funny how I can go into men's group thinking it will go a certain direction and end up going a completely different one.

We've learned a lot over the last three weeks. As bondservants, we made the choice to serve Jesus. It is our pleasure to serve him. In serving him, we become bondservants to our wives and our children. His will and purpose for their lives trumps our will and purpose for our own lives, and it is a pleasure to serve them. Their need for time and attention outweigh our needs. Their right to be taught and led by a spiritual leader, exceeds our right to live for ourselves. Many men aren't ready for this type of leadership. They want the perks of marriage, but they don't want to pay the price.

It's kind of like the little boy who was playing 'church' with his pet cat. The little boy sang to the cat, and led it in the prayer of salvation. A little later, the mother heard a commotion going on the little boy's bedroom and went inside to find the boy all scratched up, holding the drenched cat over a bucket of water.

“What are you doing?” the mother asked.

“I was baptizing him.” declared the little boy.

“Cats don't like water.” the mother said.

“Well he should have thought about that before he joined my church.” the boy said.

Men need to think before they join the 'church' of marriage. In today's modern age, nobody makes a man walk down the aisle and give himself to his wife. It's a voluntary decision. Our children need to be taught that marriage is so much more than having someone to sleep with. Maybe, we need to step up and be better fathers and teach our sons more than how to play sports.

As my parting shot, I was so impressed with the movie Courageous when the one father was explaining his resolution to be a better father. One of the men said; “You're a good father.” The other father's reply is what I hope all fathers will take to heart. “I don't want to be just good enough” Which brings me back to the beginning of the blog. The multiple personality disorder we appear to be living as Christians, isn't what is happening. We aren't saved by what we do, we do what we are saved for. It isn't about what we don't do, but about what we do. If we were meant to live as we were when we were first saved, it would not be called the “way.” We would not be walking on the highway called holiness, we'd be standing on the pinnacle of perfection. Our growth is paramount to the Kingdom. There is a big difference between works for salvation and acts of righteousness. Giving our time to our wives, our children, and to one another isn't how we're saved, it's how we live. It doesn't even prove we're saved. It's what we do because Christ lives in us. If he truly lives in us, we live him. As the Apostle James said: Faith without works is dead. Oh, and the inverse is also true.