Yes, we're going to do another combo blog. One of the challenges I've given myself, is to take a little bit of the time that I've been committing to preparing for our study and do things to lighten Glenda's load. I could regale you for two pages about how busy this last week was, but then you'd have to call the Waambulance. Despite the busy weekend last week, and my lack of preparation, the Lord was faithful. We had a wonderful men's study group last Sunday. We also had a fantastic study this Sunday. Because these last two Sunday's have been on Chapter Ten, I'm going to combine both of them in this blog.
If some of you have been wondering why I haven't asked you to discuss the homework assignments I've given you over the last three weeks, the answer can be found in this chapter. Your first homework assignment was to evaluate your time and then ask your wife if there were at least five ways you could give her more time. I also asked you to make a list of your wife's qualities and attributes. Why?
Because, giving your wife your time, your interest, and submitting to her, is fruitless if you don't know how she compliments you. That is where your 'headship' comes into play. The head is the part of our body that determines how the rest of the body functions. Our physical body has certain autonomic functions that allow it to 'exist' if the brain stops functioning, but it is the head that determines where you go, when you go, and what you do when you get there. If you are ignorant, unwise, or just plain lazy, your body will eventually fail you or you will injure it beyond the ability to function properly. If you are the head of the unique creation that is both of you, what organ best describes your wife?
If you answered the heart, you are correct. The heart has a special place in the scriptures. It is mentioned three times more often than the mind. While you may view yourself as the head tiebreaker, big cheese, head honcho, big dog, or simply the king of your castle, you (the unique creation consisting of you and your wife,) will always be remembered more for your heart than for your smarts.
If you are genuinely interested in being one with your wife, you will attempt to discover the heart God has given you through her gifts and promote them. Why? Because God formed the both of you into one being for a purpose. What she is, is what you are. She is not your personal chief cook and bottle washer. She is not there to massage your feet, your ego, your shoulders or your neck. When God creates the unique married being that is you, he had higher and greater purposes in mind than your own petty existence. He knew what your strengths were and he knew what your wife's strengths were. He designed the both of you to be a dynamic powerhouse for his Kingdom. You have three tasks that you were uniquely designed to fulfill and she has an equal role in making them happen. Your first purpose is one that was given from the dawn of time; to multiply. God is all about multiplication. Addition can only go so far. Multiplication is where it is at. His desire is that you have natural and spiritual offspring. It takes the both of you to do that. You were created to make family, whether naturally or through adoption.
NUFF SAID.
Your next purpose is to bring glory to God through the acts of righteousness he has created you to do. (Ephesians 2:10) This isn't a one man, or one woman show. I truly believe that the purpose of children in our lives is to teach US what we can do as a team. If we fail that purpose, there is no ability to truly teach others. We can't become leaders or teachers if we were unable to bring our own 'body' (family) into a Godly purpose. When we fail to do God's purposes, we fail to bring him Glory. Our last purpose is to provide an environment for the Presence of God to dwell in. The Apostle Paul often spoke about our bodies being tents that contain the presence of God. Because of his celibacy, Paul could only think in terms of his own body, but if we hold that this unique being that God has formed of two people is ONE, then we have to accept the premise that it also is a tent that houses the Spirit of God. This unique oneness is the difference between the way the world thinks and the way God thinks. In God's purposes, the only difference between you and your wife in the scheme of God's plan, is that you are held liable for obeying the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Your success in fulfilling God's plan for your life is determined by how you allow your spouse to develop her gifting. The things that get in the way of that are the usual culprits like, jealousy, pride, selfishness, laziness, and ignorance. If you are the 'head' of the family, and these things are guiding you, then I guarantee you, you'll never be more than yourself. You might be a dynamic man of God, and she might be a gifted and loving woman of God. Without oneness, your ministries will never flourish. You will be cardboard cutouts that can be replaced by anyone. It won't matter how great you think your ministry is, it will always fall short of God's design. You might have a fantastic healing ministry, preach fantastic sermons, build massive churches, or even have a huge TV following, but you'll always be less than the sum of your parts. Your wife is you and you are your wife. If you try and live a life without her, you will eventually end up without her. The Holy Spirit entrusts us with the unique being that is US as long as we are willing to be led. When we bottle up our spouse and trample on her essence, we are really bottling up what God wants to do with US.
I hope I've piqued your interest enough for you to be wondering what your wife has that God wants you to promote. I know, the first place you're going to think about, is the typical 'wife' stereotypes. They can 'wash the disciples feet.'
BAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Don't make God laugh.
THAT WAS FOR WIDOWS!
Let's try again. Before you croak and leave her alone in this world, she has a purpose in God's plan that is unique to the both of you. Before she can be a servant that washes disciples feet, you have to be a servant.
NOW, DO YOU GET IT! The whole bondservant thing is so she can grow and serve God's plans and the two of you can be a dynamic force for God's purposes on this earth. It's kind of like the horror stories you hear of women who never wrote a check their entire life and once their husband dies, they are terrified of having to do it. The bondservant enhances the strengths of his master. He recognizes them and promotes them. He makes every possible avenue available for his master to shine. The true bondservant must first recognize the latent gifts within his master.
To me, one of the things I've begun to realize in my relationship with Glenda, is if she asks me to do something that makes my flesh cry out, it's something I need to do in order to destroy the power of my own flesh. My flesh is the biggest obstacle to her being able to express her gifts. Her gifts are equally important to the plan of God as mine. That thing your wife makes you do, that you just don't understand why you have to do it, is God's gift waiting to be given. That gift may be for you to grow through, or it may be for someone else. Either way, her gift is now yours. It would be a 'stupid' man who refuses to use all the gifts available to him. This is the true definition of the word 'help-meet' used in the creation story. Your wife isn't there to keep you from being lonely. Adam didn't even know he was alone. God said it wasn't good for a man to be alone. Why? Because with the woman he bonds you to, you are an amazing creature with amazing abilities far beyond those you already possessed. In all of creation, only the 'married' creature was “very good.”
God can take two seemingly different people and make them into a marvelous being of amazing strength and purpose. I can guarantee you, her gifts will rub your flesh the wrong way until you submit to her and allow them to grow.
NOW, we're going to tie it all together. When you stop demanding your rights, and devote your time to your wife, you will discover her gifts. It will become clear to you who she is and how God wants to use her abilities as the creature that is uniquely, you. You don't have to ask her what her abilities are, they'll manifest themselves through her essence. If you want an even bigger clue, look for when she is the most beautiful. I'm not talking about when she puts on her Sunday best, dolls her face up, and looks like your wildest fantasy. I'm talking about those moments when she is so genuinely herself that nothing is needed to enhance her beauty. We've all seen those moments. It's those moments when her gifts are shining through without having to be forced or coaxed. You can be assured, that the moment she is the most beautiful is when she is expressing the gifts of God within her life and doing something far beyond the normal 'wife' routine she lives within. It is you building her confidence and giving her the opportunities to express herself. AND, that begins at home. If she feels safe and sure of herself at home, she will feel safe and sure of herself outside of the home. Her gifts will be expressed in all areas of her life and she will be the most beautiful person you've ever seen. In turn, you will become the most beautiful person she's ever seen. She will know you see her for who she is and what she can do.
The only way she can do that, is if you give up your rights, give her your time, and provide her the opportunity to express her gifts. I've never wanted to discuss the exercises I gave you, because I've only wanted you to see for yourself what is going on. Are you overbearing and demanding? Do you monopolize her time? Do you give her encouragement to be herself? Do you serve her in love. Do you know who she is and appreciate her for it? Are you lazy and unwilling to bear her burdens? Have you allowed your job to be an excuse for avoiding her?
Let me tell you the story of a beautiful couple I knew while stationed at Little Rock Air Force Base. (We'll call them Tim and Kathy.) Tim was a successful businessman, who often worked ten to twelve hours a day at his office in Sherwood, Arkansas. He taught Sunday School, led the singing, and was faithful to any special event the church went to. His wife, Kathy, was an attractive, vibrant mother of two beautiful girls. She was also the head of a major non-profit organization in Jacksonville. Tim's business always came first as he worked to provide the home and lifestyle he thought Kathy desired. From the outside, they appeared happy and fulfilled. They went someplace special every year as a couple. When they weren't at work, they were together. Everything looked perfect. Tim retired from his company, with the full expectation of spending his remaining days fishing, gardening, and chasing his wife around the kitchen table. DIDN'T HAPPEN! Tim soon discovered that Kathy was unwilling to retire. Her life had moved beyond Tim and she wasn't interested in being pursued around the kitchen table by a man who'd stopped pursuing her years ago. In less than a year after Tim retired, they were divorced. His long hours and absences had convinced Kathy that he wasn't interested in her beyond the bed. Being home all day without her was too great a temptation. He'd never made room for her and her gifts in his life, so she made her own life. This isn't God's intent for us.
There were so many fantastic things said during the study. We talked about making room in our lives for our wives to shine and manifest the gifts God gave them. Last week, Jim pointed out that our wives are looking for us to provide an environment that will give them the confidence to exercise their gifts. They will know when we are moving in the power of the Spirit by our faithfulness to our daily devotions and our prayer life with them. Our wives know the difference between a man led by the Spirit and a man led by his own desires.
WOW! Way to go, Jim!
It is the Holy Spirit that gives life to the marriage, so who better to guide it?
That's all I'm going to give you, because I want you to go visit Bro. Charles' blog and look at his notes. You'll get a different perspective.
We are moving along nicely, but we're still not done with chapter ten. There is one discussion to go, and it will be a major punch in the gut for all of us.
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