THE POWER OF SHAME

This Sunday's Men's Group, had a few exciting moments when it became obvious to me, there is still lots of work to be done in the area of father/son relationships. Relationship is what our Men's group is all about. This group of men and young men have a sincere desire to know their Savior and Lord Jesus Christ in a real way. They've laid aside the masks of religion and endless debates about long settled doctrines. It is obvious by their continued attendance, that they have a desire to grow together; fathers and sons. It reminds me of what a supervisor in the Air Force once told me when we were discussing a particularly talented worker with an attitude problem. He said; “I'd rather have one worker with a great attitude, than ten talented workers with crappy attitudes.” (I cleaned up the language.) In our men's group, I would rather have ten eager, and open men, than a hundred fakes. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being in the company of men who know the Word of God and have studied it well. In deference to those who espouse the idea that God isn't impressed with our abilities, I strongly disagree. He created us with talent, skill, and brains. What God admires most though, is the willing heart. That is what our men have in spades.

With that said, you can imagine my amazement when we began to discuss our homework assignment from last week. I'd asked the men to look into the lives of Abraham, Eli, and King David, with the expressed purpose of discovering what sinful tendency the patriarchs had passed on to their sons. When it was all over and done with, I was delighted to learn that one of our grandfathers had sat down with his 13 year old grandson, and discovered the sad truth of father Abraham. They'd spent 4 hours studying the bible together! The grandson was stoked! What was even more amazing was the look on the grandson's face as the two of them shared what they'd learned together. This is the soil of revival! Sure the truth they'd learned together was basic to some people. I guarantee you, the grandson will never ever forget the night his grandfather opened the bible and studied with him. Yep, I'm sentimental.

We learned that Abraham was for the sake of a better word, a liar. Like all liars, he did it out of fear. Yes, the great man of faith also was a man of fear. He could trust God to make him a mighty nation, and he could even trust God to raise his son from the dead, but when it came to his wife, he was as chicken as they get. BY HIS OWN ADMISSION! This practice of deception, was carried up into the fourth generation and ended with Joseph.

We also learned that Eli was a glutton, and it was carried forward in his sons. Unlike Abraham, the sin of gluttony was acted out upon the table of the Lord. The same thing as happened in the Corinthian church. The Lord doesn't like his table to be abused. It is the same issue though. It is a fear that God won't or can't provide. That fear caused Eli and his sons to abuse the sin offerings brought to the Tabernacle at Shiloh. This wasn't a sin against the people as much as it was a sin against God. The punishment would be the end of Eli's family line.

King David was simpler to dig out, but it also carried with it a deeper truth that we will talk more about in next week's meeting. David's ongoing battle with lust, led him to collect a long line of women along the way. Many of them were wives and concubines, but then, even with more women than a man can truly enjoy, he lusted after the wife of another man. This envious and covetous spirit, led him to murder the woman's husband, and to try and cover it up. What is even worse, is that the shame of his sin obviously prevented him from decisively handling a grosser sexual wickedness within one of his sons. His shame became the power that stayed the hand of discipline.

The sins of the father are visited upon the children, not as punishment, nor as a curse, but as an inability of the father to discipline the sons due to their own shame. The sons see the wicked behavior and carry it forward. The inability to discipline (not punish) is found in the shame of weakness. It doesn't have to be deceit, gluttony, or lust that destroys a man's confidence in his virtue, it can be anything that comes between a man and his relationship with God. The power of shame closes doors of communication and relationship between the man and God, as well as the man and his children. It is in that silence, that actions speak louder than words. It is here that boys slip and fall before they become men, and the man who should rescue them, is hog tied by his guilt and shame. We pray for men to accept God's forgiveness and break the code of silence.

As the study was coming to an end, we finally reached the destination I'd prayed for; the issue of how do we forgive ourselves. One of the men, humbly admitted, that he could not forgive himself for his past wickedness. Herein lies the battle with shame. I'm sure this is the point where Christ must be shaking his head in disbelief. Forgiveness is what he came to bring to us. The ability to stand clean and anew before the Lord God of heaven, is what he endured the cross for. Yet, our brother is not alone. I guarantee you, each and every Christian man, has battled with the accuser of the brethren over past sins. It is how he keeps us cowed down. Forgiveness and unforgiveness are the major issues of our relationships with God and man.

NEXT WEEK; We will devote an entire session to the subject of how to finally forgive yourself, and how to broach our sinful behavior with our children.