TRAITS OF A KING

As most of you know by now, I’m unapologetic about manhood, even as much as I’m unapologetic about my faith.  Not only do I believe in fatherhood as a noble endeavor, I also believe that I am a king, and priest of my family.  However, I want to deal with the traits of a king before we begin looking at the priestly.  Let me state from the outset, that being a king and being a priest are both spiritual offices.  They are not exclusive one of another.  The traits of a king deal with how you relate to your family, and by extension the community.  The traits of a priest are how you interact as a servant to your family, and as an intercessor between  your family and God.  We’ll look at the priestly role in later studies.
A king is a leader, while a priest is a servant.  A father wears a crown and a priestly robe at the same time.  Many men have a distorted idea of kingship, and therefore pervert the God given responsibility into something that satisfies their base instincts.  Many church going men have never been taught the truth of their kingly role, and hence we see our children flee the church because they were left disillusioned by the example set before them.  “If this is what Christianity is, I don’t want any part of it,” is a statement I’ve heard way too many times. 
The traits of a GOOD king will be found in what a man is before fatherhood. A good man makes a good father. Don’t get me wrong, I believe good fathering techniques and principles can be taught, it’s the desire to implement them can’t.  When I was in the Air Force, I went through three schools of leadership.  These courses were designed to train us how to be effective leaders of men.  I appreciate those courses, and what I learned greatly impacted my ideas concerning godly fatherhood.  It’s been over 25 years since I was in the Air Force and these simple truths have held me in good stead in my civilian life.  So, excuse me if I take these truths and show how they were biblical principles long before the military co-opted them.  I hope you don’t equate my numbering as a ranking of their importance.  Each of these qualities, or the absence thereof, will determine how good a kingly father you are.  More than that, the chivalrous, noble father should seek to wear these traits like a kingly robe.  They are biblical values, but they serve in the world as the hallmarks of great leaders whether they are men or women.  Yes, I’m talking about women having these qualities, too. 
Understanding!  In the Air Force we called it being empathetic.  Sadly, as we all grow into adulthood, we often forget the emotional stew that we grew up in.  The anger, frustration, fear, joy, expectation, and emotional reactions to life usually get replaced with logic, wisdom, and temperance.  AS THEY SHOULD!  However, this makes it difficult to be empathetic towards the emotions that govern how our children behave. Being empathetic to your children’s emotional states will go a long way toward giving them the ability to express their feelings to you.  (Romans 12: 15) If you start out demanding that ‘boys don’t cry’ or ‘girls do cry.’ you’ve already closed an emotional door for your child to respond to you. God doesn’t do that to us.  (Hebrews 4:13-16)  The only admonition against our emotions is the admonition not to fear.  Other than that, God makes it clear that He is just as emotional as we are.  Maybe even more so.  (John 11: 35) Not only that, He makes it clear that he understands us. 
Be Deliberate!  Being deliberate or decisive in your role as father is predicated upon being clear about your goal as father.  I would like to think more along the line of knowing what your goals are for your children, and being unwavering in going to those goals.  The bible tells us in James 1:8 that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.  I like to look at decisiveness as being in touch with Father God. For example, when King David had to make decisions while leading his ‘mighty men of valor,’ he would always seek God’s direction for his actions.  What most people miss, is that when he presented his questions before God, he had narrowed them down to two choices, with a willingness to accept the direction that God chose.  A king must have the willingness to make a decision, and be responsible for the outcome.  As a kingly father, you must be decisive, and deliberate.  If you waver, your child will sense it, and you’ll forever battle with them in that area of ‘weakness.’   Hopefully your life circumstances will give you enough time to ask your spouse her opinion, and ask God for His. Having a plan before you start having children would be wise.   Being led by Holy Spirit is essential when quick thinking is necessary.
Be Self Aware!   Self awareness is having a realistic self appraisal, without self justification. It means being ready to admit when you are wrong in your fatherly actions.  This will go a long way toward shaping your children’s response to the world around them, and their trust in you. Most of the greatest promises in the Word of God have to do with Him being AWARE of what we are going through.  Knowing our own limitations, and strengths goes a long way toward being mindful of what our children are going through.  This in turn leads to understanding.  Being aware is the first step to understanding.  Talking to your child about their feelings about what is happening to them, and just knowing what is happening to them will hopefully bring back memories of when you had those feelings.  Being aware of your motivations will also go a long way toward shaping your response to their reactions.  For example, if your child is being bullied, or even if they are being a bully, the fact that you are aware of their circumstances is important.  It’s easy to dismiss their childlike view of things from your adult perspective.  (Romans 12: 3) Honest self evaluation, with a desire to emulate Christ will eventually lead to children capable of doing the same. AS fathers, I truly believe this is one of the hardest things for us to do, because we are so busy being... fathers. 
Be Honest and transparent!   Here is the hard one.  Where is the line in this one?  There isn’t.  When I was in the Air Force, they taught us that if we were duplicitous or deceptive, there was no going back to retrieve your honor.   As a father, your honesty and transparency will give you a kingly appearance to your children.  I remember an episode of the Andy Griffith Show where Opey told a lie to get a roll of caps for his cap gun. Andy rebuked him but later on told a lie to sell an old cannon to an antique dealer.  The question was; when is it alright to lie?  If you are honest and transparent, you will be able to show them how to dance this fine line of being honest and still being kind when the truth could hurt. I devote two full lessons to this concept later. (As a side note, Andy Taylor often told fibs.) 
Hopeful!  Being hopeful or optimistic is difficult in today’s age.  As adults, fathers are confronted with the darker circumstances of life every day. It is a totally different from when you are a single guy, and only have to worry about yourself. Your family adds a dynamic to the trials of life that can cause you to dispair.  There are times when life happens in a ferocious way that seems to be hopeless.  Death, disease, financial setbacks, failures, moral failures, and discouragement stalk us every step of the way.  Being hopeful, and faith filled will go a long way toward building your child’s faith in God.  It won’t do you any harm either.  Of all the fears I remember having as a child, the fear of death, the fear of my mom and dad getting divorced, and being rejected by my peers were the strongest ones I remember. Reassurance is important for a child to navigate the rapids of life. Some people will call it being optimistic, but it is more than that.  I call it blessed assurance.  It is knowing that God is in control, and resting in that knowledge.  Being able to believe in a leader is the most crucial aspect of leadership.  It seems indefinable, and almost mystical at its core, but a great king is able engender faith, and belief despite their worst qualities.  A true leader often doesn’t see this gift in themselves.  If your children believe in you, they will believe in what you hold dear.  Belief comes from a mashup of the kingly traits being a part of your character set. 
These are only a few of the leadership traits I was taught.  I believe they are kingly traits, valuable for leading your family into a life of fellowship with Christ.  The power of sovereignty is established upon God setting you as ruler, however, that place of authority is quickly eroded when a king abuses the people. The same is true of being a father.  If you abuse your authority over your family, you risk losing it all.  That is why humility is needed to rely upon God’s wisdom, and plan for your life.