It's taken me a while to write this because I've spent the last month working, remodeling our own home, and of course the usual (and unusual) church activities. For the past two weeks, eighteen hour days have been the norm. NOT WHINING, just explaining. Actually it felt good to have our home prepared for friends and family this thanksgiving.
The men of our fellowship never cease to amaze me. We're on chapter twelve of "Bond of Brothers" by Wes Yoder, and it is enjoyable to hear the comments coming from each of the men. You learn a lot about your brother in the Lord when you ask them to share their favorite passage from the chapter. As we began our around the table discussion, you could sense that there were very strong feelings about what Bro. Yoder wrote. One of the things I like about the book, is that you can read it over and over without exhausting his profound insights into the Christian lifestyle. I would like to meet him someday, preferably before exiting this present vale.
Our conversation though, got hung up on the idea guilt, confession, and sin. NO SURPRISE! Of course, these were the central themes of the book. How do we as men come to the point where we can be real with one another? What is needed to make a true 'bond of brothers?' What does it take to move beyond the masks, facades, and fig-leafs we choose to cover ourselves with?
It takes trust, and always has. Trust is the absolute surrender to someone else. There can't be a relationship without trust. It is why it is impossible to please God without it. You have to believe that he exists and that he rewards those who diligently seek him. That relationship with God can't become it's fullest relationship, without trust in your brothers and sisters in the Lord. It implies being honest, transparent, dependable, and forgiving. Those traits are hard to find in people who are self-centered.
As the discussion moved into deeper waters, we found ourselves discussing the issue of failure, sin, and mistakes. Is there hope for the recovering addict, the habitual liar, the man bound by porn, or even the less visible sins of gossip, cruelty, covetousness. . . .ad infinitum. Can we expect to have real relationships with other men, when we won't even admit to ourselves that these things exist in ourselves?
Here is my take on the discussion, and a sloppy answer to at least one of the questions.
LOVE!
I know, it's a cheap shot. The three things that test our love are often the three things that keep us from loving to the full. Pride is the number one issue we face in any relationship. If someone disrespects us, it is extremely difficult to move beyond the injury to our pride. One of the biggest relationship killers, is wounded pride. Snide hurtful comments, winks, rebuffs, and snubs shake our sense of worth. It's true of marriages, families, and friends. The pride-full will often mask their insecurity by destroying the pride of others around them. Pride is the only thing God resists. Why? Because it is impossible to have a relationship when you are in competition with the one you love. At one point or another, you will have to submit, or the relationship will die.
Another relationship killer is misunderstanding. This comes from people trying to wear masks all the time. Ask any married woman what she wants most from her man, and she'll tell you intimacy. It's the same thing for any relationship. Misunderstanding springs from a lack of intimacy. When you really know someone, you know the 'why' of what they do. It is why knowing that God is good, means you know that even when things don't make sense, you know He will make it work out for your good. Intimacy is knowing the character of the person you are in a relationship with.
Lack of trust will kill any relationship. It is essential. I refuse to believe any relationship can endure a lack of trust. That doesn't mean it won't be tested, tried, and even trashed, but trust is essential. Love is impossible without trust. AND YES! As men of faith we are to love one another. Commandment from the LORD! Implied in that commandment to LOVE, is the equally strong commandment to trust. If we can't trust our brother who we can see, how can we trust our God who we can't see? The Bond of Brothers is all about trust, always was.
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