The Insanity of Isolation

It was good to be back with my brothers in the Lord this morning.  The trip to San Antonio for my son Anthony’s wedding, was a blur of activity punctuated with moments of immense joy.  It was an awesome time with new family, and old family alike, but it was way too short, and way too hectic.  Next time we go down that way, it will be to visit.

 

Now to the lesson. 

Thanks to Bro. Charles for stepping in and taking care of the study while I was away.  He assigned Chapter Six to us, so I had to get myself back up to speed.

As I read Chapter Six, I found myself taken back to our study into “Every Man’s Marriage.”  Bro. Yoder’s book wasn’t intended to be a marital self-help book, but there are moments when he can’t help but go there.  If you are going to talk about men, you invariably have to talk about women, spouses, mothers, and daughters. 

As the first of three boys, my concept of women was totally based on my mother.  My mother is not like all other women (to which all my family can testify,) and I totally messed up my first marriage expecting my first wife to be like her.  Thankfully, for my second wife (of over 36 years and counting) I figured it out, and did not hold her to that image.  However, I did spend the first few years of our marriage trying to understand women.  You can imagine my sheer terror when my first child turned out to be a girl.  WHAT?  You want me to father a. . . girl?   I am more convinced than ever, God has a wild sense of humor.  As if to prove his point to me, he gave me another daughter quickly thereafter.  It was in this jumble of WOMEN, that I learned one truth of which no man can shake me; MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT ALIKE.  It is more than the plumbing, it’s the wiring.  I’m sure that I’ll get lots of hate comments from wild-eyed feminists and neutral genderists, but as the father of two girls, and one boy, I can tell you there is a difference.  I believe this is why Wes Yoder titled chapter six of his book; THE POWER OF OPPOSITES. 

Even though Bro. Charles assures me he assigned everyone to read chapter six, it was obvious that not everyone had.  So, I had to improvise upon my original plan.  NO, let me rephrase that; the Holy Spirit had other plans.  I had hoped to spend time discussing what I saw as the obvious differences between the books: Every Man’s Marriage and Bond of Brothers.  Instead, we found ourselves discussing why your wife can’t be your best friend, and then we eventually began to discuss the insanity of isolation. 

It wasn’t hard to go this direction, because Wes Yoder deals with both issues from the beginning of the chapter. We discovered that Bro. Yoder was right, a man should never make his wife his best friend.  Each of us had stories of things we would never say or share with our wives, not out of fear, but out of respect for the lovely creature to whom God had bonded us with.  We don’t have any business dumping our “crap” on the one whom we cherish.  Our best friends, can take our crap and not make it their own.  We can tell our best friend when someone rains on our parade and they’ll tell us where to find umbrellas.  However, if you tell the same thing to your wife, it will take her three times longer than you to get over it.  Eventually, you give her enough garbage, she’ll begin to gag.  So, we all pretty much resolved that we would treat our wives better than our best friend.  Hmmm! So, for all of you wives who want your men to be your best friend, think again. Trust me, you don’t want us to give you the mess in our lives.  You’ll eventually hate us.

From this point, it wasn’t but just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the insanity of isolation.  That is what Wes Yoder’s book is all about.  Men who are isolated, have no way to remain sane.  Every great man of God who has failed throughout the ages, did so because he allowed himself to be cut off from his woman and his fellow men. It is in the throes of isolation that our imaginations run wild.  When our focus is on ourselves, vanity overthrows reality, and the lies of the evil one are left unexposed to fester. As someone who used to believe he could be a hermit, I know what this dark place looks like.  I’ve seen the filthy underbelly of my own self-centeredness.  I know what it is like to have morbid thoughts and twisted dreams.  I’ve turned on the light in the middle of the night and seen the wild-eyed creature that sneaks up when no one is there to talk sanely.  I truly believe that every vile and despicable thing men are capable of doing, is birthed in the torture chambers of isolation.  I also know, that the distance between the presence of God, and living in hell on earth, is measured in the few brief seconds it takes to make a phone call, write a text, or reach for your wife’s hand.  Isolation can occur even if you are in the largest church, the loudest family, or even in a crowded city.  Isolation is the incubator of insane thoughts and motives.  A man who is isolated, will blame everything on everyone else.  He can have a loving and devoted wife, but see her only as the reason for all of his ills.  He can be surrounded with caring and compassionate friends, and believe that he is the only one who sees things clearly.  Isolation is only a hairs breadth from desolation.  It is why we need our bond of brothers.

 

Ladies, let me tell you, you are not enough!  There is a place in your man, you don’t want to go. There are thoughts only another man can understand, and help him deal with.  There are things you don’t need, or want to know.  When the insanity of isolation comes sneaking in the back door, it takes another man to grab those thoughts and reveal them for the lies they are.

 

Finally, for those brothers who weren’t there this morning, here’s your assignment.  I want you to all read chapter six.  I also want you to be ready to recount your funniest  husband and wife story (make sure your wife knows what you are going to share.)  I also want you to be ready to share one of the most trying times in your marriage.  Same rule applies.  The stories of our lives are what give us the courage to go on.