ALL THEOREMS WILL BE TESTED

It was good to know that I could step away for a week and not worry about what would be taught or said. Thank you Colby, I hear you did a fantastic job. It is evident that the gift of God resides within your life.

There wasn't a reading assignment for the week I was gone, so I had to bring everyone in the back door. Wes Yoder has a gift for going to the heart of a matter and putting it into words that makes sense to men. The first chapter sets the tone for the rest of the book in that it deals with the issues of silence, fear, and disappointment that forces American men into lives of small talk, empty words, and mindless conversations that have nothing to do with what is going on in our hearts.

The process begins with our fathers.

Generations can pass by in the unending passage of time, with each new generation failing to teach the next how to share the deeper things of the heart. Wes Yoder believes the silence is nurtured in a culture of shame. The difficult and weightier issues of life don't find explanations beyond a grunt or an occasional outburst of anger. To me, the issue is fathers. More specifically the western idea of fatherhood. While I can't speak with authority about European ideas of fatherhood, I can speak about Americans. What is even more amazing, is that each generation continues the same process. Sure, we try our best to make improvements, we promise ourselves we won't be like our fathers. Sons harbor childhood resentments well into their adult years until they wake up and realize they could do no better than their father. By then, the damage is done. Bitterness and anger have closed doors of communication that could have been game changers for both men. Sons rebel or withdraw, leaving the grieving father with the sure knowledge that he didn't do it any better than his own father did. Guilt and shame crowd in, and before you know it, you're face to face with loneliness. The home is empty, your life is empty, and your soul is empty. Shallow conversations about sports, weather, politics, and work replace weightier discussions. Across the entire nation, our conversations resemble the header of a newspaper. If you try and begin the conversation with “Dad, how did you. . . . .” The reply will usually be a curt “I don't remember.” or even a more remote grunt followed by “how about those. . . “

Actually, the truth is, he winged it. He did the best he could and made mistakes. He limped along, alone, and feeling around in the dark for the best answer or path. Like other sons before him, he'd burned the bridges with his father and couldn't find the courage to push back into relationship. The culture of shame continues. Most men don't reconnect with their fathers until we are well into our thirties. We sever the most important human relationship we have.

There it is, that's the answer.

We've lost the ability to relate.

Yet, that is the one thing we were created for. We were created for relationship. Sure we can talk about things that don't matter. As men, we deserve the derision of women and the snide comments about our being unable to communicate. If we can't communicate with our fathers who are of like species as we are, how can we expect to communicate with the complex creature known as WOMAN? We just move from one empty relationship to another. Lack of communication is cited as one of the major causes of divorce. If she'd had the common sense to look at the relationship between father and son, she would have her first clue as to what her relationship would be.

That is where we're at for this week.

I've asked for all the men to read from page 31 to 40 in Bond of Brothers. I've also given you an assignment to write the theorems of your youth. You know, the ones you made when you were a little boy and angry at your dad. The Ones that rose up out of your disappointment and resentment. The ones that said you weren't going to be like the man you should most desire to be like. The ones you allowed to fester and grow in your heart. The only way you couldn't have had them, is if your father passed when you were young, or if you had that rare awesome relationship we are trying to encourage. If you have that latter, maybe you should be teaching the class.