AGE OLD ISSUES: IDENTITY AND PRIVACY

 In an effort to bring this study into Christian Fatherhood to a close, I've been condensing lessons that I've written down to the bare bones.  This lesson was originally four lessons dealing with transparency, and honesty.  I've already dealt with these issues before in other studies, so I wanted to go directly to what we can do as fathers to let our children feel free to be honest and transparent.

As a parent of three children, I've been blessed to have one child who was transparent about everything in her life either with her mother or with me.  I've also had one child who refused to let you into her life.  My oldest child was compliant, obedient, and enjoyed being social, but kept her opinions to herself  My secretive daughter didn't want to explain herself to anyone, but at the same time didn't mind giving you her opinion on life issues.  One child was transparent, but diplomatic, while the other was private, yet truthful.  In seeking advice from a good Christian brother about what to do with my private, but truthful child, he informed me that I was just the opposite of her.  He also asked me how I'd disciplined them for lying or misbehaving.  I don't think I'd been cruel or over the top with transparency and honesty issues when they were young, but I did try to teach them that lying was wrong.  

Honesty is required by God, transparency isn't.  God makes it clear that he's sees all things, this makes honesty necessary for us not HIM.  If we lie to him or others, we are lying to ourselves. Transparency is living your life openly with no masks or hidden closets, unafraid of what you see, while honesty is being forthright in what you say. It has always been easier for me to be transparent than honest.  Honesty has always resulted in physical pain for me.  Being vertically challenged, I learned quickly that telling the class bully that he was a pug ugly, gap toothed, neanderthal was not a wise thing to do. I truly believe that mindset in me, prevented me from exploring my children's views on life, and issues they were dealing with.  I assumed from the start that they weren't going to be honest with me.  I believed that by pressuring them to tell the truth that they would be even more secretive, or deceptive with me.  I know from my own childhood, that parents lie, and or hide their true self from others.  We've gone through this before in our discussions of hypocrisy, but with your children it is of the greatest importance. Helping your child to be transparent and honest has a lot to do with how transparent and honest your are with them.  It is even more important for them to know what the difference is between transparency and honesty. 

If you are transparent, your children will see the real you, and know that the real you is what other people see. However, if the real you doesn't align with the Word of God, they will never trust God, or anyone.  How you deal with their transparency and honesty issues will determine if they are willing to be transparent and honest with God.  IF you are a good father, transparent and true, they will know what God is like. IF you have a child that rebels against your honesty and transparency, then that is not your fault.  Alright, that took care of four lessons, just like that.  Be ready to discuss how we can encourage our children to be honest and transparent.   

WHAT YOU HAD, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE AGAIN

 There are times when you have to look back at your life just to realize how far you've come.  There are also times you need to plan ahead to avoid what you think will come.  If you are a well balanced, and mature person, you will spend most of your time in the moment, enjoying what you have.  

This band of brothers, this fellowship of the King, this Kingdom council, and Knights of the round table is unique and can never be done again.  No matter how old, or young you were when we began this Men's Group, you were the first time I'd ever seen it done the way we've done it.  When Holy Spirit spoke to me about including our young men into the group, it was for the purpose of helping fathers and sons to have an honest and transparent spiritual walk.  Last week, Holy Spirit revealed to us another purpose that I never expected, nor could I have planned.  Not only has it bonded fathers and sons, but it has bonded sons to sons so that you guys became a peer group.  You became positive peers to one another.  You helped each other to escape the devastation of youthful experimentation.  That many of you sitting at the table today were here nearly 17 years ago in our first class, speaks to the powerful bond you made with one another.  This speaks to how far you've come.  

This study into Christian Fatherhood was done to help all you younger fathers develop plans for your children so that they will land where you aim them.  Having plans is not the same as dictating to them what they will be or making them a copy of you.  Having plans is knowing what you want them to avoid and helping them to avoid it.  It is also knowing what they can be, and helping them to be their true self. Even then, like I said earlier, you may think you're doing something for one purpose, but discover later that it was for another purpose.  

Living in the moment is what we've been doing for the last 17 years.  It's been unending discoveries for me as we've studied together, played together, and served together.  

I asked you how you can help your children to avoid destructive peer pressure, and the answers have been very good, and helpful.  I feel confident in adding my input, not as a formula, or as a solution, but as an addition to what you've said.  

DO NOT ABANDON MEN'S GROUP!  Improve upon it, and use it as a springboard for growth. What worked for you young men is what will help your young men to become leaders for tomorrow.  Because so many of you have little girls in your quiver, I know exactly how you feel.  I was totally unprepared to father girls.  Yet, somehow it happened.  So how do you change up the pattern so that our girls can be a part of what worked when you were young?  

TIME!!!!!  Time is important to all people, but especially more to girls.  Their self worth is somehow tied to the amount of time you give them.  That is why peer pressure works.  Their friends give them time.  Yes, I know it's more complicated than that, but TIME is the one thing that makes a major difference.  You need to find a way for your kids to be with each other's kids on a regular basis outside of the church environment.  Maybe a new outreach ministry or purpose that unites Moms, Dads, and children in a common mission.  Maybe a new way to look at serving the community.  Perhaps start by asking your children if they could do anything to help people around them what would they do?   I don't know what will serve this body in the future, but I know that some morning one of you is going to be prodded by Holy Spirit to do something crazy like bring teenage boys around a study table and give them an opportunity to teach, learn, and grow with one another.  To put it bluntly, the fathers of this church have been my peer group.  They have pressured me to be better.  

Do Not Abandon Men's Group!!!!!!

AGE OLD ISSUES: PEER PRESSURE

 Because of the Coronavirus lockdown during the month of April we didn't get as far as I'd hoped.  The age old issues portion is meant to target our young fathers who have children at home.  At the same time, I'm hoping that those of you who have already raised your children to adulthood will make a concerted effort to be a voice of wisdom for how to deal with the age old issues.  Throughout the history of mankind, there has always been about five childhood issues that can derail your child's Christian walk.  How you deal with these issues will go a long way towards helping your children make it to adulthood with their faith intact.  At that point, they will determine their relationship with Christ on their own.  Hopefully, you've given them every reason to hold on to their faith.  The input and lessons learned by those who've already raised their children is highly sought after.  

PEER PRESSURE:  It is inevitable!!  No matter how much you love your children, they will have to go out into the public space, play with their friends, and family.  You can't protect them from it, you can't lock them away in a castle, or take them to a deserted island.  Every child will eventually have interaction with their peers.  In today's modern world, the number of Christian homes is small in comparison to homes where the parents are agnostic at best.  In the end, these children will interact with yours.  We've already discussed this a little bit, but I told you then that we would be coming back to it later.  

Let's be abundantly clear men, just because you love God with all your heart, communicate with your children in love, and lead them to salvation, is no promise that they can't be undone by the wrong peers.  Peer's and peer pressure are probably at the heart of many young Christian adults leaving the faith.  It is an age old issue that we find in the bible from Genesis to Revelation.  There is a bible filled with stories of children abandoning the faith of their mother's and father's.  There is an entire book of the bible dedicated to helping children resist peer pressure.  What is that book?  Ummm, the book of Proverbs!!!!  I know that sounds so simplistic, but I had two lessons on peer pressure prepared but, I want to hear what you guys did to help your children navigate the dangers of social interactions with children who are hell bent on doing bad things.  What do we do to help our children avoid peer pressure to do things against the word of God.  The saddest story of peer pressure is that of King Solomon.  We know that the book of Proverbs was written for his children, but we have the sad tale of his son Reheboam.  After all of Solomon's admonitions to seek wisdom, and to behave in a princely manner, Reheboam let his peers steer him the wrong direction.  Be prepared to discuss what you think happened, and how YOU think we can help our children navigate their social interactions with their peers. 

Finally, just be prepared that no matter what 'plans' we make to solidify the faith of our children, we may have to face the terror of seeing our children reject our faith.  How you deal with that, and how they respond is more of a measure of your quality as a father than your success at securing their faith in Christ.  

For tomorrow's discussion; How do you protect or help your child resist peer pressure?