SUBMISSION

I never really know for sure what lesson will bring us to a dead stop and cause us to park for a while as we digest what God is saying to us.  As I've already wrote in this blog page, I missed Holy Spirit in choosing to bypass the lesson on wives.  After having to eat humble pie, I determined not to do that again.  For that reason, I was overjoyed when Holy Spirit began to share with me some beautiful insights that I am eager to share with you.  I can say that, because as most of you know by now, without Holy Spirit's help I'm just a bag of wind.  

Yesterday, (Saturday) I was working on our enclosed porch, which gives me an opportunity to think, because much of what I was doing didn't require a great deal of thought.  I was mulling over the lesson from last week, and still feeling as if I'd missed something.  "Have I missed something here?"  I asked out loud.  (Yes, I ask God things out loud, and expect Him to answer me in my inner man.  So, go ahead and lock me up.)

When He spoke, I was kind of disappointed at first.   Frustration and Conflict in the marriage affects the children.    

Duh!!!!  I thought to myself.  

I should have known better.  I learned a long time ago not to "Duh!"  God.  What follows is the stream of consciousness revelation I had all afternoon, and then this morning. (Sunday)   

There is a fundamental shift away from the concept of Biblical marriage because modern culture is focused on the individual. In today's modern culture, diversity is celebrated above unity, individuality above society, and personal achievement above the greater good for everyone. This especially holds true in the marriage relationship, and by extension our families. While it would be easy to couch this criticism in terms of morality, or religion, the simple fact is we are becoming so independent of one another, we can't even agree in the most simple of social institutions; Marriage. What I'm about to pass on to you isn't for those who don't recognize Christ as their "Lord".  (Boss, leader)  It won't work because it is a spiritual, not a religious issue.  As the following truths began to flood my brain, I knew they came from Holy Spirit.  Last week's blog had to do with how to treat your spouse, but it also has to do with how you see yourself in Christ Jesus.  Too many Christian men have a messed up view of masculinity, which ultimately destroys their witness, their wives, and their families.  With that said, let's look at Ephesians 5: 21-33.  Oh, NO!!!  Not that passage.  

Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21 makes a very simple, but profound statement: "and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ."  *NASB  or "and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." * NLT   The default setting for any Christian relationship is:  SUBMISSION.  I know this is antithetical to what is being taught in schools across this nation, and in modern media. I would love to take this to the extreme about the current direction of our nation, but I'm only going to focus on the family.  The modern definition of marriage is two UNIQUE people trying to bond while attempting to retain their individuality.  WRONG!!!!!!  This won't work, and it isn't scriptural.  I'm not sorry for saying it, and I won't apologize for the truth.  This was never God's idea of marriage.  Marriage is God's solution for the disaster of being alone, or as it is commonly referred to today; Individuality.  God's idea of marriage is submission. IF we are submitted (yes, men this means you too.) to one another, then conflict and frustration born of separate purposes will not grow to overcome our lives.  God's idea of marriage is two unique people bonded in love submitting to one another in Christ to make one unique entity known as ____________ and ____________. (Enter your first names in the blanks.  The default setting before we step off into the rest of chapter 5 is submission by both parties.  As a Christian, if you are still trying to maintain your individuality in the marriage, you are setting yourself, and your family for conflict and frustration.  

In verse 22, the Apostle Paul begins by repeating the admonition to submit.  This isn't a higher degree of submission, or another level, this is the same submission she should be living by with everyone.  I promise you, the woman who refuses to submit to her husband (who loves her) will not submit to anyone, let alone God.  This violates the default setting of verse 21.  She becomes an enemy combatant constantly at war with the one she claims to love.  You can't tell me you love someone if their needs, wishes, and desires aren't your greatest concern.  You may like them, you may enjoy being around them, but please don't tell me you love them.  After she has children, they become soldiers in her war with her spouse, and a tool to deny him of the submission she owes. (Do not think in terms of sexuality here.)  Individuality breeds conflict, which leads to frustration.  NOW, if you are in your workplace, try being individualistic and see how far that gets you. I'm not saying a wife can't be smarter, more successful, wiser, or more creative than her spouse.  A matter of fact, as the father of two brilliant, and self assured women, I want them to be paid the same amount as the man working alongside of them.  I want them to have equal access to schooling, institutions, and business.  At the same time I want them to be submitted to one another, to their brother, to their mother, and to me.  It also goes without saying that they should be submitted to their husbands.  Being in submission positions you to receive the benefits of service to one another, and to God.  It's a biblical principal that is proven.  The open hand can be filled, while the closed fist can only hold what is in it.  I know what I'm going to say next is going to be misunderstood, but I didn't say it first.  Paul equates the wife's submission to the submission of the church to Christ.  Paul says that Christ is the salvation of the church, so I ask you, what is the man's relationship to the woman?  I could take this out to its conclusion, but it would make this blog twice as long as it should be.  Let me make it simple; sin is rebellion (lack of submission) and submission is salvation.  For the woman who is submitted to Christ, the idea of submission to her husband should not be a mystery.  

OKAY---------Whew, now that we have the woman taken care of.  Let's remember the default setting in verse 21:  Submit to one another!  Men, it's your turn, and it is a very long admonition from Paul.  If you will allow me a little bit of license, I'll do it this way; Guys, submission means loving your wives just as Christ loved the church.  Paul did it this way because he was a guy, and he knew if he gave us a loop hole we'd jump through it.  So we are to love our wives like Christ loved the church.  Giving up everything for her to lift her up (making her Holy), to make her feel special and desired (clean, and washed by the cleansing of God's word.)  Because she is a part of him (actually physically derived of Him) He wants the church to be glorious (adorned in fine gold and jewels), without blemish, (every hint of separation removed) and without wrinkle (shame, condemnation, or guilt).  OKAY guys, here we go.  Not only are we supposed to submit to our wives (verse 21), but we are to love her as we do our own bodies, (because they are our own bodies, I know it's not taught any more.)  A matter of fact Paul makes it clear that if we love our wives as ourselves we are actually loving ourselves.  Hmmmmmmmm!   

In loving our wives as our own self we will feed and care of them.  I know a lot of guys who think that just because they go out and work for a living they are fulfilling God's commands for the marriage.   Nope!   You're going to work and taking care of yourself regardless of whether you are married or not.  Even if you thought for a second that you could get away from your submission, Paul hits it again in verse 33 by repeating that we are to love our wives as ourselves.  THERE, he said it twice.  Which makes it pretty clear how important he views this.  Then Paul goes back to the wife for one last repeat; Wives, respect your man.  

The problem for us Christians is that we think we can do this Christian thing without being Christian.  For years the 'classic' idea of masculinity was that men were created first therefor we are the best.  We're stronger, smarter, and wiser (read less emotional) than women. In a perverted mind without a real spiritual basis, this means you are the big daddy boss, ruler of your little two person world.  That stinks!!!!  It's why women call us slobs.  This is the kind of thinking that grows out of being oversexed, insensitive, and spiritually empty.  FOR THE RECORD, this is not the men I know in this fellowship.  I would like to drag all of you to a radical feminist rally and have your wives speak about you.  

The radical feminist view of masculinity is for men to be like women.  Their view of the current state of masculinity is that we are all brutish, stupid, and ignorant of what we are doing.  In other words a slob.  Television, movies, and books have bit into this idea and help to propagate it, with the goal of separating men and women from loving one another.  

The scriptural view of manhood is that of the loving protector,and provider.  In this role, we become a place of safety, and growth.  A matter of fact, I view this role as enabling my wife to rise above me in anything she wants to do.  If I'm submitted to her, then I won't do any of the junk I listed in last week's blog.  If I'm submitted to her, she will shine as a jewel, sparkle with life, and laughter. She won't fear for anything. If she's submitted to me, (which should be regardless of what I'm doing) I can rise to a level of tenderness, compassion, and intimacy she longs for, while still being the strong, protective force the Lord requires of me.  (Which I believe all women find attractive.)

That's it for this week.  There is more, but like Christ said to the disciples, I don't think you can bear it all right now.  

YOUR SPOUSE, THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN

Being a father is not a title,  or crown.  It is a job description at best, and is only one part of the family unit. I don’t want to rehash our study into marriage, but it goes without saying that wives were relegated to domestic servants in much of our recent history.  That is not what God intended!  A well balanced nuclear family presents a full picture of what God is. If you want your children to honor and respect you as their father, you must honor the mother of your children. Before I give you some guidelines that Glenda, and I used to raise our children, let me share with you two things we determined to do before we started having children. (A.) Never allow the kids to pit you against one another.  Knowing that your wife is going to be your wife after the kids leave home is essential to being happy after they leave. (B.) Divorce was not an option.  Having been through a divorce after only a year and a half of marriage, I determined within myself to never do that again, to make that personal, I determined I would never leave Glenda.  
COMMON SENSE GUIDELINES:
I don’t have any scriptures to back up these guidelines, but they have worked for me. The guidelines I’m laying out for you are what we started out with before Glenda and I had our first child.  To me, they are simple common sense ideas based upon broader Christian principles.
Do not compare your partner to others.  My idea of motherhood came from two individuals, the first being my own mother, and the second, my wife, the mother of my children. Oh sure, I’ve watched other mothers with their children, but I don’t see them day in and day out like I have my own mother, and my wife.  As a youth leader in other churches, I found out early on that many of the parents I admired, were not as perfect as I assumed looking from the outside in.  If you are comparing your spouse to other women, even your own mother,  STOP IT.  The truth is, you have an intimate view of the mother of your children, and see her without all the spit and polish that happens at church. How would you like her to compare you to the men around you? Give your partner in this great endeavor some credit, because each person is unique. For example, my mother was very talkative and social, so I learned to communicate well because of her. She was extremely spiritual, and her spiritual devotion became my devotion.  On the other hand, my wife is reserved, and not so talkative, so I saw another style of motherhood that I didn’t know existed.  I thought all mothers were like my mom, but my wife showed me they weren’t.  What I do know about motherhood from my mother and my wife, is that it is a thankless, difficult job, with little reward except for the joy of the children themselves. The mother of your children should be judged on her own merits, not what you see other women doing.  Comparing your wife to other women in your faith fellowship is a fool’s errand at best. Comparing her to anyone in ‘the world’ is...stupid.  If she isn't what you thought she would be, that just points to you as being a poor judge of character.  Own it, and stop comparing her to others.
Support your wife even when you don’t understand her.  Your wife, your children’s mother, deserves all the support you can give her even when you don’t understand what she is doing.   She is not a man, and will do things for different reasons than you do.  Like I said earlier, one of the rules of my household was designed to support my wife, and to prevent the children from dividing and conquering us.  If Glenda gave the kids permission to do something, or forbade them from doing something, that was the end of the discussion. The both of you should be an unassailable wall of support for one another.  If we didn't like what the other did, we would not debate it or correct it in front of the kids.  Support also means defending your wife against the slings and arrows that can come from your own family, the church family, and from employers.  Supporting your wife also means finding out what makes her tick.  IF she makes a decision you don’t understand, talking it out in front of the children is not very wise. They will know you don’t support her.  Little ears are always listening! My parents would be embarrassed if I told you some of the conversations I’ve overheard them have about each other with other people.  I wish I could unhear them to this day.
Listen to your wife!   Speaking of listening, if you truly want to evaluate your fatherhood, ask your partner in parenting.  Yes, ask your wife. She hears their hearts, and often makes excuses for your failures.  Think back to your own childhood.  When your Dad broke your heart, who did you run off to?   If you listen to your wife, she will give you the ‘course adjustments’ you need to make you a better father. A long time ago we read a book that challenged us to ask our wives what we could do better as husbands. If you really want to challenge your ego, ask your wife how you’re doing as a father.   If you have pride issues, put them away right now, and be prepared to embrace the fail.  Be prepared to offer sound reason for spirit led decisions, and to ask forgiveness for carnal actions.  At the same time, just remember that your wife will come from a different place than you, and it may not always be right, but they will have insight to what your little ones are thinking.  Your wife may not always be right, but you owe it to her to listen to her.  If you are loving her the way we studied so many years ago, then the two of you should be able to talk freely about what your children have revealed to her. She’s an adult with a mature understanding of who you are, and why you do what you do, but she can only go so far in explaining your flaws to your children.  At some point you have to listen to her and either address your child’s perceptions, or help her grasp the reasons for your actions.   It’s difficult to be told by the woman you love what your children want from you, but I guarantee you she will have insights your children are afraid to share with you.  She is your partner, not your competition.  Because most men are competitive, it’s easy to forget that your wife is your partner in child rearing.  If they love her, and talk to her more than you, that is a bonus!!!  As the other half of the parenting team, you need to have ‘business’ meetings with her often.  Whether you believe it or not, if you have more than one child, they have business meetings about the both of you all the time.  If they sense they can weasel in between the two of you, they will.  You who are already fathers,  know I speak the truth.
Do not belittle your spouse to your children.  Little children don't understand the difference between teasing, and being critical, so that is why you have to be especially careful what you say to your children.  Comments like “You know your Mom,”  or “That’s just your Mom,  or worse yet, “What does your Mom know”  are the worst things you can say to, or around your children.  Believe it or not, I’ve heard this said by men to their children. Whether your children are boys or girls, they need to have a healthy respect for their mother, and her judgment.  NEVER VENT your frustrations with your wife to your children.   When you vent or belittle her, you are destroying her ability to parent them. No child wants to hear, nor should they hear your frustration with your partner.  If your anger can’t wait until a later time when the two of you are alone, then leave the house calmly.  Men who have to vent with no regard to who is listening, don’t care that God is listening. One of the most common phrases I hear from an angry man is;  “What about my feelings, what about me?” The minute I hear someone do that, I know they don’t have a good relationship with the Father. We should be able to vent to one another as men, but starting off from the childish viewpoint of ‘what about me.’ is not a good thing.
Finally, give your partner the time she deserves to NOT be a mother.   When our children were still at home, we called it our "We are not a parent night."  Now that they are gone, we call it our 'date night'. Give your spouse your attention as the love of your life, and the time to be herself without a child on her hips.  If you are listening to your spouse as you should, I guarantee you, at the bottom of all her complaints, (her’s and the children’s) will be the issue of time.  Time is always the most valuable commodity we have to give each other as human beings.  You married the mother of your children prior to her being a mother.  You gave her a lot of your time to woo her, and that need for time hasn’t changed because she has children.  Speaking of which, a child doesn’t understand the demands of time, but they demand time themselves.  Your job, the church, and even being a good husband are abstract ideas for a child to comprehend.  If you, and your wife both work, then it becomes even more difficult to explain.  Still, your child needs to know why they aren’t the center of your universe anymore. Let your children know that their mother was your passion before they came on the scene, and she will be there long after they’ve left home.  I will never apologize for my wife being the romantic passion of my life. Moving the passion forward into the later years of your life after the kids have gone out on their own, will keep you married long after the kids are gone.   The best way to do this is to have a Date Night once a week.  When I give premarital counselling to young couples, I stress the importance of having at least one couple who can keep your kids for an evening.  Better yet work out an arrangement where you can trade out child care with them.  If that can’t be done, then talk to someone at the church.  If you live in the same town as your parents, then work out something with them. No matter what, I believe if the two of you maintain a romantic relationship, it will go a long way to developing a healthy understanding of romantic love in your children.  It will revitalize your intimacy and help you both have the energy to raise your children. Take care of your marriage first, then you can both give your children the TIME they deserve from a heart of joy.

You Don't have to S'plain to me

After I put the lesson up last week, I had something happen to me that caused me to do a quick repenting of a thought process I was in.  I won't elaborate in this blog, but it caused me to look at my thinking real hard.  It's difficult to keep what I'm currently writing from crashing in on what I've already wrote for our lessons.  During our meetings on Sunday morning it is even more difficult to keep what I'm currently working on in my head from spilling out onto the discussion.  My original lesson for next week was about how we should honor our wives in front of our children.  As I read over the lesson I'd written way back in early November, I began to wonder if it wasn't just overkill.  So, I pasted it a couple of lessons from now, and thought it would be okay.  It wasn't.
I like to think I have learned to listen to Holy Spirit by now, and I do spend a lot of time early in the week praying for direction before I make a post. Sometimes circumstances, and the events of the week will change my direction, but mostly I trust the peace I feel when a lesson goes out. 
Tomorrow night I'm going to hand out the promised homework sheet and I'm hoping you give it thoughtful diligence.  I'm going to change up how you go about it, because of the lesson I didn't post.  How do I know that I got it wrong? 
You guys didn't read it.  Gasp!!!  How do I know that?  Because of the statistics in the blogger dashboard.  Only one person read it, and I'm not sure it wasn't me. (I need to fix that and isolate myself from my statistics)  Laziness on my part.  That was when Holy Spirit made it clear that I'd bypassed His order. 
Why am I saying all of this?  Not because of what I write or say is more important, but because you're not saying anything.  Typical 'man' type reaction to things we think we all don't need to have said to us.  It's kind of like being a Christian for over fifty years and hearing the same sermon points over and over again.  Before long your brain begins to rebel and says; "you don't have to explain that to me. Already got it."  I've been trying to crush that way of thinking in myself, and that is why I've tried to give more than the usual amount of time for responses, but I'm not getting any.  As men we do it to one another, we do it to our wives, and we do it to our children.  ESPECIALLY OUR CHILDREN.  Then, we wonder why our wives and children tune us out. It's the typical human reaction to when we know something, or at least we think we know something.  I was the same way as a young man.  If I already knew something, I didn't want someone telling me over and over again what I already knew.  We often think our time is more valuable than that, and why are you boring me with the details.  Move on to something new, that I don't already know. 
AND that guys, is how I missed on Holy Spirit.  Before I moved on to last weeks post, I should have posted the lesson about 'Mothers' where it came at in the mix.  WHY?  Because before you can have a kid to build, you have to have a wife.  I looked at the lesson and I thought it was redundant.  Most of it was a rehash of what we'd learned when we went through the "Everyman"  series with some minor adjustments for motherhood.
This is my 'mia culpa' for missing Holy Spirit.  I thought you guys didn't need to have it explained to you again.  You know; who your wife is to God, how she doesn't belong to you, how she is co-equal to you in the family, all that good stuff you understood at the start.  Bro. Dave "You don't have to s'plain it to me again."  Got it the first time. 
Are you willing to put it before your wife and ask her if you got it the first time?  Has she had to give you some attitude adjustments since we did our manhood study?
My greatest fear for myself is when I return to the arrogance of my youth and claim that I don't need to have it explained to me.  Feminists call it 'mansplaining' which is simply saying 'talk to the hand' without the hand gesture.  We men do it all the time, but we don't tell each other what we're doing or why we're doing it.  Men 'mansplain' to each other all the time.  Instead of reacting emotionally, putting our hands on our hips and saying; "Stop mansplaining to me,"  we just nod politely or change the subject.  EVERYONE of us mansplain, but we don't realize it.  Women think we're being sexist when we do it to them, but they don't see it when we do it to one another.  We think we are 'rearing' our children when we explain life to them, but we're mansplaining.  Preachers think they are doing it when they repeat the same point over and over again.  Teachers do it when they think they teach the same thought over and over again.  "Did you get it?  Do you get it?  Understand?  Think about it!  Let that sink in!  Tune in!" I say these catch phrases all the time.   These are just a sample of the catch phrases we use when we hope to bust through the barrier of understanding.  Jesus said it more clearly than anyone; our eyes are blinded, and our hearing is dulled lest we understand.  Every preacher has experienced it, every teacher fears it, that moment when it is obvious you've been tuned out.  We all hope we're just reaching that one person, when we are boring a hundred others.  It's in the eyes people, and we won't talk about it.  A warm room, stale air, repetitious teaching, coffee, donuts, all add up to boredom, which is the one thing I despise.  I'd rather be adding to or arguing with another teacher than to be the teacher who no one is conversing with.  This is the same way we should see our charge as fathers.  That is why I know that Holy Spirit has told me we need to be 'deliberate fathers.'  This job of fatherhood should be done as deliberately as we do our money making job.  Every morning we need to put on our father hats and wear them till we arrive at our jobs.  Then we need to put on our job hats OVER our father hats and remember that our job will leak onto our fatherhood.  The little human being you brought into this life only has one father to example the heavenly Father with.  If that father isn't deliberate in how they do it, the chances they will find the heavenly Father are minimal.  You may turn out a beautiful son, or daughter, but do they have a relationship with their heavenly Father. Which brings me back around to how this all started. 
I tuned out my Heavenly Father, and for that I apologize.  I don't really know why I messed up, but I did.  SOOOO,, we are going to put the motherhood lesson back in its rightful place.  Holy Spirit, I'm sorry for missing you.  I also hope all of you guys read this with an open heart and didn't get offended with my candor.  Fatherhood is too important.  If we allow the 'world' to define family, we are giving up.  I made it clear from the very start that I can't teach this alone.  There are too many of you who are better fathers than I was.  You might be thinking that all of this is redundant and why are we even wasting our time on this, but the truth is that I can think of six unmarried 'boys' in our midst who need to hear what may seem obvious to us.  I don't have one infant or toddler grandchild to make a difference to.  Some of you have do have infants and toddlers running around in your family and this is happening in your lives right now. 
When we come to Men's Sunday morning, I hope you've taken the 'Build A Child' homework and sat down with you wife who just happens to be the mother of your children, and discussed what qualities you hope to build in your child.  That is where I screwed up.  By moving the order of the lessons around, I bypassed including your wife in the deliberate parenting process. 
OH, and as an added thought; you grandpas out there might consider getting with your sons and seeing where they put their priorities.  Might help you to know how to back them up instead of working against them
Please forgive me for my arrogance, and presumption. 

Sincerely, Pastor Dave.

THAT, WHAT MAKES YOU A FATHER

At its best, being a father is a gamble. Your genes may be awesome, you may be financially secure, you might have a spiritual pedigree four generations back, but like I said in the last blog, you are making another human being with a mind of its own. The only difference between you and your Heavenly Father is that He knew exactly what His kid was going to do. You don’t have that luxury.  You don't know how your child is going to turn out. You can wish, and hope for the best, pray, prod, plan, and shed huge alligator tears as they make their way through life, but in the end, your little one will make their own life choices. If they turn out okay, you take a deep breath, and thank God they made it. That’s why I wanted everyone to know that when we measure a father by what his child is like we are using the wrong measuring stick. Being a good father is what you are, and can't be measured by whether your children follow you in your faith.  God is a good father, yet his first child rejected him.  What I said last week is a rebuttal of the modern idea of determining a good father.  If we apply that modern day method of measuring successful fatherhood to God and Adam, then you would have to call God a failure. We all know that isn't true. So, I’ll say it again, you are making another human being, not a clone. It's a risk that our own heavenly Father knows all too well.

What makes you a father is that squiggly, wiggly, bundle of joy that keeps you awake at all hours of the night.  Being a father isn’t a job title, or position, it is what you become the minute your little sperm joined with your spouse’s egg.  Ta Da!  Suddenly you join the ranks of the divine.  Yes, you read that right.  Fatherhood is divine.  You just became like God in all of His creative glory, and you didn’t  even plan it.  Or, maybe you did.  I would venture to guess that more than half of all humans born into this world were created in the throes of pleasure without any thought of what would be the consequences.  It’s amazing how such a simple act, that usually requires less than ten minutes of ‘work,’ produces such a complex result.  The bottom line is, you can’t be a father without a child, and once you are a father, you can’t undo it.  It is what it is, and even the death of the child can’t change you from being a father. In sincere humility, let me take a moment to honor those men who choose to adopt a child in order to become a father. No matter what your reasons, the beauty of loving someone else's creation is something I've never experienced.  Sadly, it is easier to abort a child than it is to adopt.  Isn't that a mind-bender?  

For most of us, what began as a super pleasurable moment will produce a mixed bag of moments depending upon how you view it.  If you didn’t plan the little bundle of joy, remember one thing; God saw that precious life at the beginning of time.  There are no unloved, or unplanned children in God’s eyes. Even life conceived out of wedlock is precious.  That little life in your hands will forever be in God’s hands. It amazes me how the argument FOR reproductive choice negates the will of the life within.  We offer more protection to animals than we do for the innocent life of a child within the womb.

Because that life you created is precious in God’s sight, you have to have a serious understanding of what you created in order to be a good father.  God intended fatherhood to be the means of replacing you, and carrying forward the divine.  Just as God wanted children, so to, He wants you to have children.  The problem is; this fleshly container we live in isn't eternal. No matter how hard you work to stay young, you are going to get old, and eventually die.  You will wither like the green grass, and then your body will be returned to the earth.  Thankfully, your child is the continuation of you.  They won’t be a clone of you, but they will carry you forward in them.  This is the biological side of the process.  It is honorable, and yet at the same time, it can be just an act that you casually jump into without regard for the consequences.  The Bible makes it clear that God doesn’t approve of casual sex, because He doesn’t want unwanted people walking the earth.  God created one man, one woman, and then they had children. HE WANTED CHILDREN, and He wanted His children to have children. He commanded them to fill the earth with… more like them. This commandment is easily the most enjoyable commandment God made.  Still it was not His intent for you to be a reproductive butterfly flitting from flower to flower. We would like to think that we are the only generation with a reckless disregard for God’s purpose concerning the reproductive act, but that would not be true. Nothing is new under the sun. It is true though that our ability to stave off, or interrupt the conception process has resulted in many couples living together without the bonds of matrimony.  It has also resulted in a lifestyle of ‘unencumbered sexual relationships’ devoid of emotional bonds.  This not only increases the chances for sexually transmitted diseases, but it also runs the risk of creating an unwanted child.  I remember one young man I counseled while in the Air Force, after he got a young woman pregnant, and she reported it to our commander. The airman brazenly replied that it was her fault for not using contraception, and she should have an abortion.  To add insult to injury he proudly proclaimed that if she was pregnant, it wasn’t his fault because she assured him she was on the pill. Needless to say, it didn’t go well for the young man. 

YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOURS.  Our government affords every citizen certain protections that are codified into our Constitution. The Constitution codifies the lofty hopes and dreams expressed in the Declaration of Independence. Every child has the right to life, the right to liberty, and the right to pursue what makes them happy.  The bouncing, jiggly, wiggly, pudgy, baby you take home from the hospital is not your possession.  They are a U.S. citizen just like you.  Under the Constitution, they have the same rights as you. I know we all say “my child,”  but the laws of our land recognize something that very few nations accept.  A child is not property.  You may be ‘legally responsible’ for your child, and as their parent, you are awarded guardianship of them through a Doctor certifying that you are the parents.  However, the State may  take guardianship of your child if you’ve neglected them.  They can assign you custodial rights, or terminate those rights by rewarding adoption to another individual.  Your parental rights do not give you license to murder your child, and you may not inflict severe injury on your child.  In each instance the State has a mandate to ensure the health and well being of a child.  From birth ‘your’ child has the same rights as you. This includes protecting them from abuse at your hand.  

I’m saying all of this because in future lessons I will use the term “your child”, “my child,”  and other terms that appear to denote ownership.  Let me state it again; No parent ‘owns’ a child, and ownership was never a ‘God’ idea. As a quick side note, I still have never understood how a child within the womb of a woman’s body isn’t afforded the same protections given to any other citizen.  How that NEW creation is deemed disposable is a mystery to me.  Maybe someday, we will wake up and realize that we have no right to destroy what we don’t own. 

Within western culture our legal term ‘guardian’ is probably the most accurate description of what a parent is.  It reflects the true nature of what God intended the family unit to be.  As the father, and because of your physical strength, you are the ‘protector’.  This role is to equally protect the mother of the children, as well as protect the child.  This implied role has changed as societies have changed throughout the centuries.  Even in matriarchal societies, the male is still charged with the protector role.  The role of guardian was more important when we were threatened by wild animals, and other clans of humans.  I don’t know how long our present ‘equal’ role of parenting will last, but I suspect if we were to have a global natural disaster that destroyed technology, and industry, the role of protector would be needed again. I don’t hold to Hollywood’s fascination with dystopian futures, and the level of bestiality they portray.  Still, in the absence of a legal presence, I guarantee you every father will default into the ‘protector’ mode our physical strength affords us. 

Physical protection, and provision isn’t the only thing your child needs from you.  Guardianship also implies ‘training’, guidance, and education.  Your child’s success as an adult is greatly affected by the amount of energy you put into them.  This doesn’t apply 100% of the time, but is true enough to warrant our best efforts.  In my lifetime I’ve seen fathers with no high school diploma turn out children with college degrees.  It is because of our great Republic that men and women can step beyond their ‘social class’ and become more than their parents.  There was a day when only the wealthy, or well connected could succeed because only the wealthy had access to higher education.  Thankfully, in our western culture, this isn’t true anymore.  In our great nation, we are not bound by caste, financial status, or even by reason of ancestry.  Your child is free to make a choice about what they believe, and what they will do. 

Over the last couple of months I've tried to lay a foundation for the universal idea of fatherhood while lauding the eternal impact of Christian fatherhood. The nuclear family as WE accept it is an essential element for bringing our children to a knowledge of Christ. Throughout the last century and a half, as Communism, and Socialism has gained traction, the primary resistance to their ideology has come from those who hold a Judeo-Christian viewpoint.  The destruction of religion is a stated goal of Socialists, and in their mind, the 'archaic' nuclear family is the breeding ground of religion. It doesn't take much for someone to realize where the Church should stand.  As we move forward in this study, we’re going to focus more on the role of being a Christian father, and what you can do to steer your child to eternity.  For right now, suffice it to say, without a child, you wouldn’t be a father.  When that child is placed in your arms for the first time, you have the opportunity to affect another generation for good, or worse.  The demands of fatherhood in the first couple of years are mostly to do with endurance, stamina, and creative engineering.  The more children you have, the easier it is to tell what the newborn needs.   Every child needs their parents, and it is up to you to figure out what they need, because when they frustrate you, you can’t put them back.  Once a father, always a father.  Yep, there is another human with your stamp upon them.  Now that the preliminaries are over with, it is time to move on to how to take fatherhood to the next level.